Best diet! Paul Pierce! Boxy gyms! Gatti movie! NFL workouts! Seniors exercising! Fitness chore! Discrimination tests! Michelle Obama! And the dangers of manhood! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—dashingly!
Barack Obama visited El Paso, Texas today to jump start the case for comprehensive immigration reform, yet again, as well as to make fun of Republicans. He mocks the party's ever-moving goalposts on border security, such as wanting more and more troops on the border and demanding an even "higher" fence. "Maybe they'll need a moat," he went on. "Maybe they'll want alligators in the moat." You mean we haven't even tried this yet? Well, now it's too late; alligator prices are through the roof these days.
During a web conference with American Apparel store managers today (topic: "store summer-ization and shitty sales in the Midwest") Dov Charney opened the browser on his personal computer. One participant took a screengrab and sent it to us. Above, an annotated guide to Dov Charney's desktop, featuring the following:
The effort by Fox News chief Roger Ailes and his wife, Elizabeth, to transform their bucolic weekend retreat in upstate New York into the sort of paranoid swamp they're more at home in continues apace: Spy on reporters for the charming small-town newspapers they own? Check. Compulsively call the local cops because you're convinced people are out to get you? Check. Start physical confrontations with the aging owner of a competing tiny newspaper and threaten to sue him? Check.
With her chat show ending on May 25th, world's most powerful woman Oprah Winfrey has her eyes set on the Great White Way. It's long been a dream of hers to perform on Broadway, and soon it will become a terrifying reality.
The White House is holding an event celebrating American Poetry tonight, and guess what? You're not invited. Which, according to Fox News, Sarah Palin, The Daily Caller and associated forces, is great news for you! Because one of the poetry readers will be the rapper Common, the most evil and dangerous man alive.
A documentary about the death of Princess Diana will debut next week at the Cannes Film Festival—and will feature a graphic paparazzi photo of the princess as she lay dying after a car crash in Paris.
Some of us naive folk thought that the death of Osama bin Laden, combined with the supposedly crippled state of Al Qaeda in the last few years, might induce political leaders to consider something they've rarely, if ever, considered before: An actual plan to end the War on Terror. Instead, congressional leaders may just fundamentally expand terror-fighting authority to a new high, forever.
It may have been a hearing on privacy, but that didn't prevent Apple and its CEO Steve Jobs from getting a very public flogging today on Capitol Hill. Al Franken is apparently immune to Jobs' reality distortion field.
A group of scientists from several institutions are collaborating to "co-create" a language with dolphins that humans can interpret with the help of an underwater "translation" machine.
After having to postpone their trip to film season four of Jersey Shore in Italy late last week because the no-good mayor of Florence yanked their filming permits, the cast is scheduled to go back to their spiritual homeland once again, but they'll just miss the country's hard-partying prime minister.
What's the latest terrible news from Arizona, America's dirt backyard? Not much has changed, really. People want as many guns as possible, to make up for the lack of jobs and sustainable mortgages, while Steven Seagal rides around in tanks attacking chickens. Also, penis certificates. There's very little to complain about. So leave it to the liberals to not appreciate how good they have it and demand their own state.
There is nothing funnier than watching people fall down. Here's a woman who falls down again and again while trying to get out of the ocean. Add the pummeling of the waves, and you have a comedy classic. Yes, I hate myself a little bit for laughing so much at a poor woman who is either drunk, ill, or so uncoordinated that she mustn't leave the house very often. But you have to admit it's funny. And, yes, you will watch the whole three minutes. How could you not? You can't cut out early or you might miss another fall—and another laugh.
Last night's episode of Gossipeuses told a tale of woe and intrigue, of double-crossing and pill-not-popping. Some kids are ascending to royal thrones, others are descending into pits of madness. Let's find out what happened!
Boorish heretical flap-jaw Donald Trump was regularly leading Republican presidential polls about this time last month, mostly by juicing up the birther segment of the GOP electorate.
