Why perpetuate the meme by photoshopping Princes Beatrice's whimsical curlicue Royal Wedding hat onto an existing photo of yourself when you can instead buy the actual thing!

Lady Gaga breaks a nail and flips off a bunch of rich people. The royal wedding made Fergie feel "totally worthless." Heidi Montag warns that reality stardom is "hard." Wednesday gossip triumphs over adversity.

Just weeks ago, discount sex outlet American Apparel was rescued from financial doom by kindly foreign investors. Yesterday, the company released its first quarter results. Which are good! In the sense of "slightly less horrible."

According to one of her bitter ex beaus, this starlet is into some really kinky things in bed. This actress is so messy with drugs she might not finish her next movie—or pay back her drug dealers. There's nothing freaky about that.

Political prop and fecund fameball Bristol Palin has admitted to getting surgery on her jaw: "I had corrective jaw surgery." Like a starlet "correcting" a deviated septum, Bristol insists that the alteration was a medical necessity.

Bob Marley died on May 11, 1981. How will you celebrate this anniversary? Read one of the many fine books on Marley's life? Reflect on the amazing depth of his discography? Have lunch with Bunny Wailer? Start a revolution in Zimbabwe? Save the poor?

Back in the heady days of 1999, Osama bin Laden found himself juggling the demands of running Al Qaeda with his endless quest for love. So he tasked a young Yemeni cleric, Rashad Mohammed Saeed Ismael, with finding his fifth soulmate. According to Rashad, who spoke with the Guardian, bin Laden described the kind of girl he was looking for:

Who wasn't saddened to learn that the 25-year marriage of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver—as rock solid, we all assumed, as any individual Arnold body part circa 1985—had dissolved before our very eyes?

For Jersey Shore star Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, a delayed shooting schedule for the show's fourth season may be the least of his problems right now. Earlier today, his father, Frank Sorrentino, came out swinging with an online video in which he accuses his son of leaving his family to suffer while getting rich. And as if that wasn't enough, in an already-released second video, Frank claims that Mike was fired from a job for receiving oral sex from a 40-year-old co-worker. What's next? [TMZ]

That the country's youth are plagued by an obesity epidemic is not up for dispute. But just how best to battle The Heavying of America is. There's Michelle Obama's straightforward, "Let's Move!" approach, which — let's face it — requires a lot of heavy lifting. But does it really address the problem? Not the children's inactivity and addiction to 2-liter bottles of Fanta — that's the symptom. I'm speaking of the problem: those completely out-to-lunch parents.

Hard times make for creative living solutions. An air conditioner repairman noticed something unusual while working on a Waffle House in Augusta, Georgia: Someone had apparently set up a modest home for himself on the restaurant's roof.

We previously alerted you to the fact that, according to crazy Christian group Family Radio, the world will end when Christ returns on May 21. One person who isn't sweating the upcoming Rapture? Stephen Colbert, who explained his end-of-times excitement on tonight's Report.

President Obama "is preparing a fresh outreach to the Muslim world in coming days," The Wall Street Journal tells us. How exciting! Despite the fact that Obama is the most Muslim president of all time, besides Dwight Eisenhower, his approval ratings have dropped precipitously in the Arab world, and Pakistan is certainly not too pleased with him, either. So, Obama will "deliver a wide-ranging speech":

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart wondered why White House officials haven't been more present in the press over the last week, taking credit for the successful mission to kill Osama bin Laden. More puzzling to Stewart, however, was that several members of the Bush administration were out there pounding their chests.

Can people stop freaking out on airplanes? Yet another passenger tried to open the cabin door mid-flight on Tuesday night, the fourth weird plane incident this week. (Fifth, if you count the Australian plane that got hit by lightning.)

Attention, New Yorkers: Have you seen this bird? A female peacock — technically, we suppose, a peahen — is currently roaming the Bronx, having freed itself from the Bronx Zoo only a few weeks after fellow zoo occupant Mia the cobra escaped.

What's Lindsay Lohan up do these days? Well, when she's not busy serving the homeless without a bra, she's apparently donning fake teeth and fake blood while starring in some sort of weird, vampire-themed photo shoot. [NYM, Daily Mail]

Is Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood a hipster? "I don't even know what that term means," he claimed when asked recently. But isn't that exactly what a hipster would say?

Is Rome going to be destroyed in a massive earthquake tomorrow, May 11? According to a rumored prophesy, yes! And so, "thousands of people are reported to be staying out of Rome for the next few days."

First the cowboys, and now the dinosaurs. Well, actually the dinosaurs probably came first, timeline was. But whatever. The aliens are coming for 'em, and a big movie is in the works! Also today: Alec Baldwin does something smart, Al Pacino does something dumb, and, of course, Hunger Games.