Online attack mob Anonymous famously built software enabling basically anyone to launch a denial of service attack and help crash a website. Now the group has point-and-shoot software for hijacking Twitter threads, too. Is nothing sacred?

Professional concern troll Dr. Phil scored the first interview with Casey Anthony's parents George and Cindy by "donating" to "Caylee's fund," a non-profit they run. The elder Anthonys say they haven't seen their daughter since her release from jail, then tearily dance around the details of what Casey did or didn't do. Does George think Casey hid his granddaughter's body in the trunk of her car?

I give Anderson Cooper a ton of crap for being a high-profile closet case, but I'm actually an Anderson Cooper fan. That said, the first episode of his new daytime talk show Anderson was a bit of a disappointment.

The perky one-time Disney queen continues to get work despite a string of bombs. Also today: the possible return of Robert Zemeckis, the likely return of Carrie Bradshaw, and the disappearance of Andrew Garfield.

Wouldn't you be? Barack Obama is at the nadir of his political popularity and effectiveness. He has been maneuvered into an economic corner of 9%-plus unemployment by a relentlessly nihilistic Congress. His achievements—killing bin Laden, saving the auto industry at negligible cost—are written off as flukes. Plus all this 9/11 anniversary stuff! We hear the New York Times is looking into whether it's all starting to get to him—like, clinically.

Malaysian officials confiscated Shirley, an orangutan at one of the state-run zoos, because apparently her cigarette smoking had gotten out of hand. The authorities removed her because they said smoking isn't natural for monkey-like creatures Did they at least give her some Nicorette or a patch or something?

Want to know what's wrong with kids these days? Good. I'll tell you. In my day, we had a concept known as "selling out." These days, there is new concept, called "selling out." Kids love it!

"Why does the Weather Bureau name killer, monster storms after people?" asks Mark Soifer, son of Irene, poobah of Ocean City, New Jersey. "My kind, loving and devoted mother (perhaps a bit bossy, but nice bossy) should not be associated in any way with a mindless mass of wind, rain, and destruction."

Watson, the super computer that went head-to-head with two Jeopardy champions, has been hired by an insurance company so that it can diagnose people's diseases. Is this the worst idea ever?

In your mute Monday media column: the internet is for porn, Brian Williams gets a new prime time show, Dr. Phil's exclusive is completely ethical, dead body dog collar weatherman resigns, and The Hairpin hires.

One of the great mysteries of humankind—Why do my fingers get all wrinkly during baths?—has maybe-possibly been solved. Says science: "Much like the tread on a tire, [raisin fingers] improve traction." Sure, that sounds reasonable. Apparently the nervous system controls the wrinkle response, and it has nothing to do with bloating or water absorption. [Well, BrainBehavior&Evolution, Image via Afronova/Shutterstock]

This longest season of Franklin & Trash (Franklin Lakes, that is) continues to lurch along, with last night's installment showing us even more of the Joe/Teresa feud and lots of sad footage of everyone running. But from what??

Normal Bob Smith is the Margaret Mead of Union Square Park. He is an artist who lives in Bushwick and comes to the park everyday to document the vagrants, drifters, street preachers, and free-hug-givers who hang out there. In the process, he has put together an extraordinarily extensive guide to the Square's peeping toms, upon whom he meta-peeps while they are ogling innocent ladies' panties. Above, an old guy pretends to be a confused tourist preoccupied with his phone, while wandering the park with a video-enabled camera held at crotch level.

After a protracted back and forth over his fate, editor Mike Arrington is truly finished at TechCrunch, the influential website he started in 2005 and sold to AOL almost exactly one year ago. AOL says Arrington "decided to move on" to running his venture capital fund, relinquishing any role at TechCrunch or AOL.

Historians tell us that the United States of America once boasted a fabled "middle" class of residents. They were not too poor; they were not too rich; they were just right. Crazy—but allegedly true.

J.Lo's love life takes a turn for the strange. (Or PR-planted.) Lindsay Lohan causes a fashion week near-riot. Clooney goes public with his female wrestler girlfriend. Terrence Howard's murderous voice message. Monday gossip manipulates the public.

These two top-tier funny men are feuding because they both want the same guy. Russian mobsters are making Fashion Week dangerous, and this actress has a husband and a lover who enjoy their own company as well as hers. These Hollywood relationships are so complicated!

On a slow weekend, a movie about a disease disaster started by Gwyneth Paltrow reigned supreme. Also this weekend, mixed martial arts made a wan debut, The Help continued to rage on, and a few people saw a strange movie.

Merry Christmas! I can just sense the "yuletide" in the air, whatever the hell that is. Finished your Christmas shopping yet? No? Oooo. Better hurry up with that.

Hate-mad tabloid sex perv Andrea Peyser is sad. What has become of the awesome sense of cowed obedience that American minorities displayed in the wake of 9/11? It's gone and disappeared, and they're all uppity again. Is this America, still?