Could it be that the real reason the world economy is in the tank is not the tax-and-spend liberals perniciously penalizing The Rich for their success—but instead, the wrath of a vengeful god? Yes. The god one is correct.

Last night I was too busy being drag queen Sylvia London's date to Michael Musto's book party to watch The A List but, guess what, Dustin & Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals were there! They were having a kiki about all the gossip on the show, so we listened in rather than listen to Countess Crackerjacks sing.

In your provocative Tuesday media column: the NYT's new Big City columnist gives us hope, Ted Turner vs. Rupert Murdoch, Utah newspaper standards war, the internet won't be free forever, and Cenk Uygur to Current TV.

Last night's episode of the Beverly Swillbillies descended back into the blackness of the first episode of the season, and I'm once again not exactly sure how to talk about it.

81-year-old former astronaut and Dancing with the Stars geezer Buzz Aldrin is having a sex scandal. After 23 years of marriage, he left third wife Lois Driggs Cannon to be with 51-year-old marketer Michelle Sucillon, whom he met while signing books. Though not yet divorced, Buzz and Michelle have reportedly been "making out like teenagers" in public. Now Lois is giving scorched-earth interviews accusing Michelle of being "a predator," and Buzz of having "a midlife crisis in old age." Once you've been to the moon, it's hard to get thrills. [P6, Image of Buzz and Lois via Getty, Michelle via Facebook]

It was the coolest of times, it was the crappiest of times. B.o.B., a famous rapper, came all the way to Ithaca to play a show at Cornell University. This was, according to locals, cool. But then he went and ran up a $1,060 bill at a local bar, and refused to pay the waiter. This was, according to locals, not cool. The Cornell Daily Sun reports:

So 28 million people watched Ashton Kutcher's debut on Two and a Half Men last night, and I was one of those people. And boy was it a harrowing experience.

To celebrate the end of the military's ban against openly gay servicemembers, a gay soldier stationed in Germany decided to come out to his family and the world in the most public way possible: by recording a video and posting it on the internet. It's the sweetest thing we've seen in a long time.

The Great Class Warfare War of 2011 saw "fighting" (useless bitching) continue well into Monday night, mostly on the television program of self-appointed Nassau County police dispatcher Bill O'Reilly.

We are uncouth. As is most of America. We are not highly literate; we are middlebrow and low-minded. But still. Do not try to trick us into reading shitty poems with an enticing title. We do not like that.

Starbucks' peeping tom problem continues. Locations in Florida, California and Connecticut all were hit by creepy hidden cameras in their restrooms this summer. Now a D.C. man is suing Starbucks after a hidden camera was found in one of the bathrooms he used.

I'll admit, I tuned into CBS' new comedy 2 Broke Girls last night with much trepidation. Here is a show about two mismatched waitresses in a Williamsburg Diner—on CBS. It had the potential to do everything wrong. Surprisingly I was won over, but it's still doing everything wrong.

Troy Davis has become a cause celebre for death penalty opponents and fans of justice in general—primarily because there's substantial doubt about whether he's actually guilty of the crime he's sentenced to die for.

Bethenny drifts for 20 hours with no land in sight. Lea Michele is single. Lindsay Lohan's "shady" hotel rendezvous photographed. Entourage guy says he didn't turn Jane Lynch gay. Tuesday gossip is afraid of water.

Here's a trailer for J. Edgar, the Clint Eastwood biopic of the original G-Man, J. Edgar Hoover. Here the gradually Brandoing actor Leonardo DiCaprio plays the conflicted and controversial man, with plenty of heavy accent and face putty.

These two actors blew more than air kisses on the red carpet, but do their spouses know? This Dancing with the Stars contestant is a little crazy, and this actor left his date in the car at the Emmys so he could hit on other women. That show really saw some action!

The 2011 MacArthur Genius Grants (aka "The Emmys of Smart People") have been announced. Among the 22 winners of the $500,000 prize were a physicist, a cellist, a silversmith and Jad Abumrad, the host of the NPR radio show "Radiolab". Now they will be flown to the rain forests of Brazil to do battle in a series of increasingly-absurd physical challenges. See who emerges as "America's Strongest Genius!" Wednesdays, this fall on NBC.

In the "olden days" of this great nation—when we still had that pioneering spirit—young Americans, upon turning 14 or whatever, would immediately get married, have a bunch of kids, and settle into a life of poverty, scratching a living from the harsh and pitiless soil. Things change! Now we're all too fat to scratch anything from the soil. We scratch our poverty-level subsistence from Wal-Mart. And we're free to marry people of different races! But we're all still poor.

Are you a pretty savvy and health conscious person who maintains a slim and attractive physique along with the body of a much younger human by dining solely on "all natural" foodstuffs? Congrats, good for you. You are dumb.

After being robbed of $400 in a drug deal, the mother of Cassondra Marie Rassi—the smiling woman whose mugshots you see here—decided to retaliate against the alleged dealer-thief by building a pipe bomb and blowing up the person's car.