On the eve of its premiere, X Factor judge Paula Abdul—aka the human incarnation of a lost dog finally seeing its owner again—wandered onto Tuesday night's Late Show, where she was asked by David Letterman to explain the differences between The X Factor and American Idol. She, uh, tried.

President Obama waged class warfare on Monday when he announced a plan to narrow the budget deficit by increasing the minimum tax rate for those making more than $1 million a year. Republicans shot back, demanding instead that people without any money start paying taxes on that non-money. It's a classic rich vs. poor stalemate—one that Stephen Colbert attempted to solve on tonight's Report when he looked to the ground—six or so feet below it, actually—before suggesting a third party solution.

After TLC gave Sarah Palin her own reality show, many wondered if it cable television had hit a new bottom. Then last month, the network announced plans to air a series about the Beehive Beauty Shop—that's right, a program devoted to Palin's favorite hair salon in Wasilla, Alaska—and America shook its collective head.

Gosh, you are probably saying to yourself right now, my commute was bad today. I wonder how it was in Boca Del Rio, Mexico? Well! "Masked gunmen blocked traffic on a busy avenue... and dumped the bodies of 35 slaying victims as horrified motorists watched."

Two months after its repeal was certified by President Obama, today marked the official end of the nearly 18-year-old "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy precluding gays from serving openly in the military. On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart celebrated the end of DADT by shaming it for existing in the first place: "That's how ridiculous this policy was... the apology for the affront is, 'All right, sorry, you can go to Afghanistan and fight for your country!'"

An odd alert went out over New York City's "Notify NYC" system on Tuesday evening: "The NY State Dep of Criminal Justice Services has issued a Missing Child Alert for 8 children, all named Nephra Payne ages 11 months to 11 years." Eight kids with the same name? Surely that's some kind of mistake?

What a milestone in gay history today has been! Not only did we mark the official end of the U.S. military's oppressive, anti-gay Don't Ask Don't Tell policy—but also it turns out this species of squid has weird gay sex all the time!

This summer, "planking"—lying face down in an unusual spot while someone takes a picture of you—quickly became a popular internet meme, then a deadly-and-possibly-racist meme, and then, finally, an old meme. And while you'd think that, if anyone, planking would be a hit with the pre-teen set, this new "Kids React" video from the Fine Brothers shows that even children think it's ridiculous and stupid. [via YouTube]

The man who built Al Jazeera into a global TV news powerhouse was replaced after Wikileaks released a cable showing he collaborated with the U.S. government. Apparently this did not go over well with the Middle Eastern royal family that actually owns the network.

For the most part, Vogue's Arianna Huffington profile is as puffy and inoffensive as you'd expect: There's some gushing about her warmth and glamour, descriptions of a couple of her outfits. But if you read closely, there's claw, too.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (who will be played by the talking trash heap from Fraggle Rock in his biopic) found out he is allowed to veto a $420,000 tax credit the New Jersey Economic Development Authority gave Jersey Shore to film in the state. He might do exercise that right. What a stupid idea.

Back in May, Buffalo teen Jamey Rodermeyer contributed a video to the "It Gets Better" campaign. Though only 14, Rodermeyer felt he had a message of hope to send whoever was watching. Now, four months later, he's dead of a suicide.

A show about Chicago's famous Playboy Club debuted last night and it was... not good. Also today: A movie heads to Broadway, Disney gets a whole new land, and Charlie Sheen is a hit.

Frozen feathers! Getting shorter! Asteroid redemption! NASA engineers! Weight brain! Giant telescopes! Desperate dolphins! Indian frogs! And hypothetical questions with real world consequences! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—like ka-blow!

Having failed to make Twitter a beacon of corporate responsibility, co-founders Ev Williams and Biz Stone launched a new venture to "unlock human potential" and "improve the world." Which they are totally going to get to, just as soon as they finish their tequila and champagne bacchanal at the VIP table of a Las Vegas nightclub.

Shocking and sexually thrilling news comes today that Robert Pattinson, shimmer-skinned vampyr hero of Twilight, is recording an album! Of music! How exciting.

A mysterious "forest boy" presented himself at Berlin City Hall two weeks ago. The first words he spoke were English: "I'm alone in the world. I don't know who I am. Please help me." He is believed to be 17, and to have spent the last five years sleeping on the ground in a forest. His identity is a mystery.

Workers in an Amazon.com warehouse were routinely sent to the emergency room because of sweltering, suffocating heat that sometimes exceeded 110 degrees — and because Amazon refused to open warehouse doors, fearing theft, according to a devastating exposé in the Allentown, Pennsylvania Morning Call. After workers, an E.R. doctor and a security guard complained, federal regulators investigated the warehouse and recommended changes. Amazon responded with popsicles, bandanas and finger pointing.

Two prominent Anonymous associates are shopping around a book detailing the exploits of the hacktivist group from the inside, according to the Observer. But will anyone want to read it?

Here is actress Amy Phillips doing her impersonation of Real Housewives of New York star Ramona Singer—also known as one of the only ladies left standing after Bravo fired just about everyone else. It's absolutely amazing.