For a while now Reebok has been selling its dumb fake "EasyTone" shoes that allegedly tone your butt (ladies), using magic. If you believed that Reebok EasyTone shoes would tone your butt, you are dumb. Well, now Reebok has to pay $25 million, for fooling you.

Jared Lee Loughner returned to court today, where authorities established that the accused mass murderer is still insane. According to a government psychiatrist, Loughner believes he killed Gabrielle Giffords, has "several imaginary friends," and lost TV privileges because he thought the tube was sending him messages. When doctors informed him that he is insane, he was reportedly "devastated." [NYT, images via AP]

The worst part of any fruit salad, cantaloupe, is now the most deadly. Sixteen people are dead and 56 more people in 18 states have fallen ill after eating melons which were infected with listeria.

As Yahoo CEO from 2007-2008, Jerry Yang infamously turned down Microsoft's acquisition offer of $46 billion, more than double Yahoo's current market value. But the programmer favorite is said to have "re-assumed command" now that unimaginative Carol Bartz is gone.

What's the latest and greatest jobs proposal from the pride of the nation, your 112th Congress? This week, it's called "taking the week off." But when the House comes back for its light work schedule next week, longtime Alaska Rep. Don Young plans to introduce this... thing: A bill "to repeal every single federal regulation put in place since 1991." Lord knows how many all-nighters his staff pulled tweaking the details of this beast.

Finally getting hip to the fact that it is the world's sexual barometer, Google has introduced its own sort of gaydar, which will tell you which celebrities are gay and which are straight. But how reliable is it?

The New York Times has belatedly picked up the flag of the Occupy Wall Street protesters, with columnist Jim Dwyer arguing that the wanton pepper-spraying of a group of female demonstrators by an NYPD inspector was "like a punch in the face." It was! The only difference between the two, when you think about it, is that with the pepper-spray incident, no one got punched in the face.

Kardashian cast mate Scott Disick is the biggest dick on television. But is his dick big, too? During an interview with xoJane.com, Kourtney referred to her baby daddy's penis as "like an elephant's trunk." Kim and Khloe immediately jumped in with their own lurid descriptions of their sister's partner's phallus. Just normal sister stuff, you know?

Are you pissed off at Facebook for, whatever? (Yes you are.) Users of the popular message board Reddit have undertaken a systematic campaign to annoy Facebook using arcane European privacy laws that force the company to mail their personal data to them on a CD. Heroes, one and all.

Gay advocacy group GLAAD has released its annual survey of what network has the most gay characters on television and, buoyed significantly by Glee, Fox has taken the top spot. Good for them!

Talk about a shitty Monday. Yesterday a woman at the D.C. General Services office went to use a toilet when it exploded and injured her. She was rushed to the hospital. Was it because she was going to take an inappropriate office poop?

In your vivacious Wednesday media column: important media person loves puppies, a publisher's going to jail, NBC News decides to stand for something, Bloomberg View's editor is out, an NYT writer goes to HuffPo, and how to be a dick.

Delete all you want, but Facebook never forgets. At least when it comes to your defriendings, pokes, and RSVPS, it doesn't. And it also has a keen memory for what computers you've used, and who you were sharing those computers with. Your Facebook dossier can easily run to hundreds of pages, as some European citizens have learned.

Here's a new full-length trailer for the upcoming ensemble romcom New Year's Eve, director Garry Marshall's second attempt, after the catastrophe that was Valentine's Day, to tap into Love Actually's sprawling charm. Yuck.

Keith Zakheim is the president of Beckerman PR, a multimillion-dollar public relations firm in New Jersey. Keith Zakheim is also a big fan of milk. Don't test him!

Check out this Wormrot video. You haven't seen hardcore until you've seen Wormrot, amirite? The most hardcore part of all: they are fully owned subsidiary of the Toyota corporation.

It was 41 years ago that convicted murderer George Wright helped hijack a plane bound for Miami, took it to Algeria and vanished. Authorities announced today they've found him hiding out in a Portuguese resort town under the name Jose Luis Jorge Dos Santos.

The good news is that last night Glee continued its trajectory of correcting the many ills of its second season. Yay! However, my pronouncement last week that the show was good again might have been premature. Better, yes, but it's still having some growing pains.

Jessica Simpson might be pregnant, unless it's just an unflattering shirt. Demi and Ashton might be breaking up. Lindsay Lohan gets reinvented as "Lyndsy." Nicole Richie's boobs look big. Wednesday gossip is hysterical about pregnancy.

Riverdale, the first NYC private school to charge more than $40K per year, has a bit of a PR problem. For one, they charge more than $40K per year. That's enough to make even rich people say "Dayum!" And on top of that, all the parents think they have to hire preposterously expensive "tutors" to help their kids pass. So... why are they paying Riverdale all that money, again?