This celeb is having very public words with her family on the internet. This aging actress is selling her art collection to pay for her booze habit, and this actor was cheating on his girlfriend. Think she found out because of a misplaced status update?

Half a century ago, heroes like Martin Luther X and Rose Park risked their lives by marching on top of lunch counters so that kids of all races would one day have the right to catch a few "Z's" in class while the teacher showed a filmstrip of the "I Have a Dream" speech. And how do kids these days repay those civil rights heroes? By not knowing a damn thing about them.

So! A Texas constable says his 2012 election opponent, who just so happens to be a police chief, sent porn pictures to his government-issued cellular ConstablePhone—not to brighten his workday, but to sully his reputation. But maybe it's all just a misunderstanding?

Do you sometimes wish you could shrink your pet crocodile just a little, to make it less frightening and threatening to your family's safety? Sadly, you'll have to make do with your oversized pet for now, but the Americans of the future (if there is a future, ha!) might enjoy smaller crocodiles and other cold-blooded pets thanks to global warming (which isn't actually real).

Hey, has anyone seen Mike Hunt? He signed up to comment at yesterday's Los Angeles City Council meeting, but when a councilmember summoned him to speak, nobody responded. Maybe he was out getting sandwiches with his BFs Mike Hawk and Mike Rotch?

"All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?"—Iowan Melissa Minarsich, who was arrested after allegedly trying to hit her boyfriend for not being DTF. (Answer to her question: Yes.)

In addition to being a possible Republican presidential candidate, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is really fat. So naturally, in recent days Christie's been the butt of jokes made by everyone from Chris Matthews to David Letterman, who on tonight's Late Show delivered a top 10 list of "ways the country would be different if Chris Christie were president." Here's a clip of the segment.

Here's a trailer for The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence, the sequel to Tom Six's 2009 torture porn shocker. The movie revolves around a creepy fat guy's obsession with—and attempt to recreate—the experiment depicted in the original film. And by "experiment," I mean "the ass-to-mouth sewing together of three people." But since sequels always outdo their predecessors, the psychopath in Full Sequence rounds the number of victims up from three to a dozen. Is it any surprise the movie's already been banned in the UK?

Stephen Colbert has made no secret of his fondness for Rick Perry, so it was only natural that he'd use tonight's Report to go to bat for Perry against critics of the Texas governor's disastrous performance in last week's Republican debate. The arguments Colbert made while doing so, however, were a bit more unorthodox.

Thanks to Chaz Bono's knee injury and Nancy Grace's wardrobe malfunction, last night's Dancing with the Stars was a lesson in human anatomy. After expressing his horror at the sight of Grace's nipple on tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart couldn't wait to see how the prudes at Fox & Friends would react to it. But as Stewart soon learned, the Fox panel's reaction to Grace's nip-slip was nothing compared to their stupid, juvenile comments about Bono.

A veteran U.S. State Department foreign service officer says his job is on the line after he posted a link on his blog to a WikiLeaks document.

It started, innocently enough, with a lobster. Then Mark Zuckerberg killed a chicken. By the time the Facebook CEO escalated to a pig and a goat — "he cut the goat's throat with a knife," a friend reported — the media took notice. But it was too late.

Today, College Republicans at U.C. Berkeley undertook a hilarious satire, of, like, life, by holding a bake sale and charging different prices for different racial groups. Makes you laugh, doesn't it? But more importantly... it makes you think.

For some reason, Rihanna is filming a new video in a field in County Down, Northern Ireland. Or, she was, until the farmer who owns the field asked her to stop. "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he told the BBC.

We criticized Details magazine for letting "editor" Ashton Kutcher turn it into a huge brochure for Kutcher's investments. But the actor doesn't always get a free pass from the media: After seeing this shamelessly self promotional laptop in Two And A Half Men, CBS producers banished it from the show.

Whatever you think of them, you must admit the Occupy Wall Street Protests are a spectacle. Police brutality! Topless ladies! Susan Sarandon! A Wikileaks truck! Check out some of the best images from the 10 days of protests so far.

Meet "Frankie and Louie," a 12-year-old cat with two faces and two names. Guinness World Records says he is the world's longest-living Janus cat. (Fun fact: That is what they call two-faced cats, on account of two-faced Roman god Janus.) Most Janus cats die within hours of their births.

The undead are great and all, but haven't we had enough? Also today: some more ratings to help you understand where everything lies, and a what-to-watch suggestion for tonight.

Certain Internet forces with apparent magical powers have synced Rick Perry's lip movements during a speech to strange, alternate words that nevertheless are probably more coherent than what he was really saying. Does that make sense? It is hard to describe this sort of witchcraft.

Which of the following is the correct response to this video of Chris Brown pantomiming sex, then licking a lady's face and knee?