Internet racist Matt Drudge recently paid $1.45 million cash for a five-bedroom "safari-like tropical retreat" near his Miami, Florida, home. Here's a video tour.

After 72 days of matrimony, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from poorly cast husband Kris Humphries. TMZ already has the divorce papers, and posted them here. The newlyweds are seeking a traditional divorce due to "irreconcilable differences."

Masculine heterosexual presidential candidate Rick Perry gave the keynote speech on Friday at Cornerstone Policy Research's annual Steward of the Family Banquet in New Hampshire, and he got a little jazz-handsy! And occasionally lispy. And even downright Bachmannesque.

Between all the fun you had in your costumes this weekend and the big news about Kim Kardashian, it's easy to forget that today is actually Halloween. Let's celebrate the best way we know how: with a costume contest and a cash prize!

On her first two days of community service at the L.A. County Morgue, Lindsay Lohan was late, alienated morgue authorities with extravagant food orders, and carried $4,000 worth of designer purses. But her most recent day at the morgue was more successful! Our favorite legally-challenged ingenue is finally getting the hang of it, and is even—dare we say?—popular at the morgue. How does she make it work?

Remember the recession? Whew. That was terrible. Thank god that we're now more than two years into America's technical economic "recovery." How are you celebrating the recovery? Wait, don't tell me. I bet I can guess.

The NYPD has allegedly come up with an ingenious way to sabotage the Occupy Wall Street protest in lower Manhattan: Just send drunks and homeless people down there!

Good news for Herman Cain: He's come up with a better response to that question about whether he's ever been accused of sexual harassment than asking the reporter the same question! Bad news: His new answer is yes.

Kim Kardashian dressed up as Poison Ivy for Halloween and is divorcing her husband. Demi Moore dressed up as a divorcee. Lindsay Lohan is wearing an innocent nun's costume, Jessica Simpson is rocking an "immaculate conception" look, and Taylor Swift is going as a nude photo scandal. Monday's gossip doesn't know if it's a trick or a treat.

Earlier this year, Catholic University president John Garvey vowed to get rid of co-ed dorms, lest his school further descend into the depths of liquor-soaked "nun and priest"-themed heterosexual orgies. Is mere sexxxual segregation enough to tame the devilish sexxx hormones of sexxxy young sexxx-crazed students at the very peak of their sexxxuality?

This TV star is trying to get back into acting by making connections as a drug dealer. This media mogul married a lesbian, and this funny man is a terror on set. Well, at least he can peddle coke if he gets fired.

Remember Anna Chapman? The sexy Russian spy who won America's heart last fall by, well, just being a sexy Russian spy? The FBI has released some hot new UNCENSORED surveillance video and pics from their decade-long investigation into her and her colleagues.

The New York Post—the fascist barrel-scraping newspaper with its finger placed closest to the vibrant pulse of young, "hip" Brooklynites—has unearthed a new, hip trend, which is occurring among hipsters—in Brooklyn, of course. The hip, fashionmongering young people are diving into dumpsters to extract food, completely without care for the inherent wackiness of such a stunt, their eyes focused on only on nutrition—and hipness. Who ever heard of such a thing?

Not recreational drugs, which are in seemingly endless supply, but about 180 medications used to treat cancer, bacterial infections, and other serious illnesses. It's the dysfunctional marketplace's fault again! The marketplace doesn't care about your cancer.

How, big, grand, and downright awesome is the November issue of Rachel "Rachael" Ray's magazine, Every Day With Rachel "Rachael" Ray? So god damn awesome that they decided to charge subscribers double for it! From the NYT:

In 2008, on Martin Luther King Day Eve, Ohio State Trooper Eric E. Wlodarsky took a picture of a fellow trooper dressed up in "Ku Klux Klan-like garb" (small photo) and sent it to a sergeant as a prank. For extra bonus laffs, he did this while he and the other officer were both on duty.

Hawaii residents Nicole and Marcin Leszczynski recently went to jail and lost custody of their daughter for about 18 hours, all because they forgot to pay for a $5 sandwich at the Safeway. If their story were a Lifetime movie it would be titled Police State in Paradise.

This YouTube—which quickly becomes audio-only—captures the odd arrest of Jonathan Meador, a Nashville Scene reporter who was covering the October 28 police crackdown on the Occupy Nashville protest when Tennessee Highway Patrol officers arrested him and and charged him with public intoxication and criminal trespass. The officers discuss charging Meador with resisting arrest—even though he doesn't sound like he was resisting arrest.

Ruth Madoff appeared on 60 Minutes this evening for her first interview since her husband Bernie was arrested nearly three years ago for perpetrating the largest financial crime in U.S. history.

In today's episode of Gatineau 911, Quebecois law enforcement, lights flashing and sirens blaring, manage to surround a cow wandering around the road in a small community near Ottawa. They then fire at it ten times, all of which was captured on video by horrified onlookers.