Whose blacks are the best blacks? Ann Coulter knows: "Our blacks are so much better than their blacks," she tells Sean Hannity while discussing Herman Cain and the sexual harassment allegations he's facing. "Our," of course, being conservatives (and not, say, the Coulter family); "their," meanwhile, referring to liberals. And why bother even paying attention to boring old Ann Coulter? Because she has the best blacks. Duh.

A masked man in dark clothes 'attacks' a 26-year-old foreign exchange student while she has a cigarette outside in Pleasant Prairie, Wisc., only to give up and flee when she fights back. Just another bizarre crime in America's heartland? Or the start... of the most pathetic story of the year?

Here's a trailer for We Need to Talk About Kevin, the Tilda Swinton award vehicle about two parents (Swinton and John C. Reilly) and their sociopathic, murderous son (Ezra Miller). It looks intense! And sort of... indie-quirky?

Britney Spears spent Halloween night performing a concert at London's Wembley Arena with Joe Jonas, whom she recently signed on to the European leg of her Femme Fatale Tour. The downside of performing a concert on Halloween, of course, is missing out on all of the trick-or-treating fun. But luckily for Jonas, Spears made up for the candy shortage by performing a little striptease for him, complete with semi-awkward straddling! Here's an incredibly clear and up close video of it. [via YouTube]

On Monday morning, an 80-year-old Long Island man walked out his front door to get his paper—as he'd done hundreds of times before—only to fall, suddenly, into an eight-foot-deep hole, from where he was forced to scream to his daughter for help. Were you looking for a living, breathing metaphor for the newspaper industry? Because there's one in a hole in Oceanside, New York.

As certified by his physician, President Obama is "tobacco-free," just like an herbal cigarette. He weighs a healthy 181 pounds, is physically active, eats healthy, and "on occasion drinks alcohol in moderation," which makes him a very bad Muslim.

We all suspected recently deposed Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi would be the world's worst pen pal. This is correct: He once sent a virulently anti-American letter to some random Brooklyn florist who collects letters from world leaders.

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after only 72 days. That's only two and a half months. Apparently celebrities are especially susceptible to being married for very short periods of time. Here are some that were so short they make Kim's look long, and some that lasted a bit longer and make Kim's look short, sort of like when she'd stand next to her future ex, Kris Humphries.

Combine the insular clubbiness of white shoe Wall Street with the deluded sanctimony of nouveau riche California, and you've got Silicon Valley. And if you want a walking talking textbook case of Silicon Valley arrogance on matters of inequality and social justice, look no further than tech kingpin Mike Arrington's dumb recent statements about race.

When I saw this sign offering $20 for the current issue of The Advocate, the very serious older brother of the gay publishing world, with Adam Lambert on the cover, I thought it was a joke. After all, this is the current issue. But no. It seems the gay singer and mascara addict is creating a worldwide magazine shortage.

Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex-husband is pleading ignorance about their divorce, claiming he didn't know his fame monster wife was going to file divorce papers today:

Let's just dig into the Florida news here and pull out a typical Florida news story, at random: Aha. Two young men in Lake City were thinking entrepreneurially last week:

The biggest question coming out of Politico's hot potato of a story about Herman Cain's supposed history of sexually harassing employees was, you know, what did he do?

Jessica Simpson used a really cheesy pun on her website to announce what the world has known for a long time now: She's pregnant. Dressed as an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus dweller, she said, "That's right, I'm going to be a mummy." Groan.

There have been a number of bad faith attempts to trademark Occupy Wall Street for business purposes. Now the protest organizers themselves are trying to trademark Occupy Wall Street themselves.

The House will vote on a resolution "reaffirming ‘In God We Trust' as the official motto of the United States" today. What? It's just your run-of-the-mill reaffirmation of something that wasn't threatened at all. No pandering here, folks.

Although scientists tell us that women are just as smart and capable as men, women still hold far fewer top corporate jobs than their ball-having counterparts. The reason? Probably something women are doing wrong. Allow us to help.

The neat thing about this ad is that even though the model guy and his creative team were probably like "We're in France, whatever," it's just as easy to find the names of everyone involved in creating this ad and where they work as it would be to send that information directly to the Hells Angels chapter in Paris.

Herman Cain's big appearance at the National Press Club today went... well who knows! Questions still linger about his alleged sexy talk with employees back in the day. But what do serious allegations of sexual harassment from multiple women who were eventually paid off really mean, when you've got a solid singing voice?

Ah, so this is that version of Rick Perry who, according to folklore, is known to chug a full bathtub of champagne and benzos. It's his latest Iowa ad! "I'm a doer, not a talker," he says, cheerily, allowing sprightly music to plug up the holes in his otherwise hackneyed message. The man couldn't be any happier, as he skips off to a garden party in the Hundred Acre Wood.