After two years of marriage, Bambi's rabbit friend Zooey Deschanel and Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard have separated. It's apparently "mutual and amicable." Better get started on your Kris Humphries/Ben Gibbard erotic fan fiction and/or buddy-cop vehicle!

The verdict in Wikileaks founder Julian Assange's extradition case will be delivered tomorrow. Many experts are predicting Assange will lose his challenge and be sent to Sweden to face his rape and sexual molestation charges there.

Would you like to behave like a terrible manipulative teenager into your late 20s? If so, text messaging can very much help, as detailed in the Wall Street Journal today.

The parliamentary committee investigating illegal voicemail hacking at News International has released a cache of internal company documents showing that the firm was well aware of just how deep its phone hacking scandal went way back in 2008, when it was still publicly claiming that the problem was limited to a few bad apples.

We asked for pictures of your Halloween costumes and boy did you guys deliver. Sure, there were a few silly entries (like "dead Steve Jobs"), but many of them were outstanding. And yet there can only be one winner!

Freshman 15! Conjoined twins! Breast milk! Wino diet! Lonely sleepers! Yoga pain! Soda targeting! Cold flu! And some health facts just aren't funny! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—supportively!

Michael Bloomberg is yet again treating Wall Street protesters' gripes with his unique style of empathy, "utter dismissiveness." The billionaire, who can thank the robust growth of the financial services sector over the decades for his fortune, knows the truth! The banks did nothing wrong; it was all Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and Congress forcing everyone else to give houses to poor people.

The latest from deranged luxury goods craftsman Stuart Hughes: a solid gold iPad 2 that is studded with 65 flawless diamonds, framed with prehistoric mollusk fossils, and inlaid with shards from the thigh bone of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Asking price is $8 million.

A 22-year-old soldier was arrested Friday morning by Army counterintelligence agents in Alaska on suspicion of espionage. Sounds familiar.

Groupon's long journey from flailing startup to multi-billion-dollar Wall Street obsession has played out like an opera, with subplots involving orgiastic young sales reps, brutal German managers, a puppet-master chairman, and amazing levels of greed. Business Insider's Nicholas Carlson went behind the scenes, talked to people in the know, and filed the sensational report that appears below.

The aggregate minimum net worth of Congress—the tally of the low ends of the asset ranges listed on all members' disclosure forms—has jumped 25% since 2008 to more than $2 billion, according to Roll Call. Hey everybody let's occupy Congress and light some of their nice things on fire.

Oh, hello there! I didn't see you come in. Yes, I was just standing here in the driveway with my camel. Yup, with my real life camel standing here in the driveway on any old Tuesday. This is just what happens in Beverly Hills on a Tuesday. That and really sad romances.

As the world beats its collective breasts over Kim Kardashian's divorce, here's another hypothesis on why she would marry and leave a man so quickly: Kim always said she thought she'd be married with children by age 30. With her 31st birthday in late October, her (lucrative) life narrative required that she tie the knot.

In your maudlin Tuesday media column: Jimmy Kimmel gets an important job, the St. Petersburg Times is no more, a cartoonist canned for plagiarism, Rock Center debuts, and a journalist has a heart attack.

Here's the latest video From The Desk Of Donald Trump, in which our hero shouts about how Jon Stewart "gets away" with a "VERY VERY RACIST RANT about Herman Cain." Trump, who's always been a good friend of "the blacks," finds deep-seated racism in Stewart's Herman Cain impression.

Burke Burnett, who is 26 and openly gay, went to a party in Reno, Texas with some gay friends on Sunday, but left after some guests weren't so keen on having gay people around. When he returned with a girlfriend (you know, a friend who is a girl) later that night, he was viciously attacked.

The markets are crashing again today, no big deal. It happens every couple of weeks now. Regular 300-point daily fluctuations? Pish posh. It provides an opportunity for traders and Wall Street insiders to take easy profits on the meaningless gyrations of the market at the expense of the average investor. Just another day. You have bigger things to worry about.

Working on his Halloween costume last night, big gross dick Chris Brown reminded the world that he also possesses a big gross dick.

Think hard, because this is important: Have you ever called anyone a moronic sack of monkey pus in a Facebook-powered web comment? Because Google has just begun indexing those comments for the first time. In other words, your troll resumé just merged with your Google persona. How exciting.

The Kardashian frenzy continues. ScarJo opens up about her naked pictures. Lindsay Lohan goes from morgue to graveyard. And Gwyneth Paltrow says more obnoxious things. Tuesday's gossip ate too much candy.