Investigators are still trying to piece together why 22-year-old part-time student Ross Truett Ashley ran up to Virginia Tech police Officer Deriek Crouse during a routine traffic stop and shot him, then took his own life. After all, he was "nice."

After collecting tips from (drunk? bath salts-addled?) witnesses and obtaining a warrant, a Santa Maria, California SWAT team stormtroopered the home of Hope and Javier Bravo Sr. in search of their son, Javier Bravo Jr. But he was already incarcerated. Which seems like something they should have known!

Well, this won't help Chick-fil-A appear any less bigoted: A Tumblrer d/b/a "Lolwhut" reports that his friend and an acquaintance—both of whom are Asian—stopped by a Chick-fil-A in Irvine for some sandywitches and, upon placing their orders, received these receipts referring to them as "Ching" and "Chong." The cashier's name: Rosie O'Donnell.

Today the gambling website OnlineGamblingPal.com dropped $10,871 for a sample of entombed pop star Michael Jackson's old hair. Why so much? Because that's the going market rate for the amount of Michael Jackson hair you see in the photo. Also, they saw the hairball's potential—as a roulette ball.

In my day, when Kurt Cobain was president and we youngsters went to college to get jobs that actually existed, the only questions colleges asked you on their applications were these: "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" And "Are you smart? Describe below." Life was simple then.

Thanks to a juror who tweeted some nonsense about shitty coffee, broken hearts, and—most importantly—being a juror, convicted Arkansas murderer Erickson Dimas-Martinez will escape lethal injection, at least for a while longer. Twitter saves lives!

As part of the new editorial changes around here, I won't be writing on this site anymore come 2012. It's too bad! I've really enjoyed writing here—the writers are very talented, I was permitted to write about anything I wanted, and the audience is huge. But new leadership brings new plans.

Are you one of those Christmas revelers who goes absolutely bonkers the second December rolls around? There's nothing quite like those bright lights of Christmastime, but some have a tendency to overdo it on the holiday cheer.

You ever been to a party and there's that one annoying person who always hijacks the conversation and brings it back to themselves and all the wonderful and important things they're doing right now? God, I hate those people.

What the world has been missing lately is a big, all-stars-on-deck charity single to benefit a needy cause (casual racism optional). So we're really glad that Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Diddy, Chris Brown, Floyd Mayweather (Floyd Mayweather?) and others have joined together to release the "Megaupload Mega Song," to benefit the, uh, charitable cause of, well, a file-sharing site.

Penn State's new president has hired notorious Washington taint sucker Lanny Davis, the former Clinton White House counsel and whiny, self-defeating media booster for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Penn State really is committed to fixing its image as the Keystone State's finest enabler of the worst thing in the world.

You love your dog. Far more than your emotionally distant heart could ever love a human. And why not? Your dog never did anything but express an evolutionarily advantageous convincing simulacrum of love for you. You must show your love back. You must! But what to get Nibbles and Rocky this holiday season? Only the best.

Used to be, we buried the bodies of the dead in the ground. Imagine the cost: coffin, embalming, funeral service, shovels. Labor. It adds up. Nowadays, we just burn em.

[UPDATED WITH VIDEO] "It was shooting crazy," said one bystander of a freak shooting spree at the corners of Hollywood Blvd. Sunset Blvd.* and Vine St. — the Crossroads of Forgotten Dreams — this morning. According to the LA Times report, a gunman started firing randomly at passing cars at 10:30 a.m., hitting one man in a Mercedes in the head and grazing another in the leg. Bystanders waved over two cops who were working on a movie shoot down the street, and they fired on the shooter, killing him. Way to go, LAPD!

"AAAAAGH! YOU HAVE ERECTED A TERRIFYING MONUMENT TO THE NIGHTMARES OF 9/11!!!" was probably not the reaction that Seoul-based Yongsan Dream Hub corporation had in mind when they unveiled their plans today for an ambitious new construction project: Two high-rises connected by a "pixelated cloud" structure that, tragically, calls to mind the kinds of images you don't really want to call to mind when looking at a new set of twin towers. The design is by Dutch architectural firm MVRDV, who seemingly had no ill will when they envisioned the cloud as a kind of oasis in the sky, with "a large connecting atrium, a wellness centre, conference centre, fitness studio, various pools, restaurants and cafes." (Rendering here.) Actually, now that I've sat with it for a little while, a floating sauna inside a pixelated cloud sounds pretty relaxing — the kind of place Mario and Luigi might go to unwind after a hard day...

When reports came yesterday that a two people had been shot at Virginia Tech, everyone thought the same thing: not again. In that sense, the campus is "lucky"—it was an isolated incident and not another unfathomable massacre. But it's still not clear what exactly, happened.

Yesterday we asked you, the professional etymologists that make up the vast bulk of the Gawker readership, to suggest a new word to replace "bro," so that we may be freed from the yoke of having to called people "bro," as we do now on a regular basis.

19-year-old Mantiowoc, Wisconsin resident Alexander Hart was just convicted of disorderly conduct for engaging in a week-long planking spree. Finally, the authorities are doing something about all this goddamn planking.

Lindsay Lohan's much-discussed "boobs, ass, and vag" Playboy photoshoot has leaked online in its entirety (NSFW link) and it's a massive letdown. First, there is no "vag." Second, they photoshopped out her freckles and tattoos, which is a pretty significant change; we aren't looking at Lindsay, but a Lindsay-shaped work of graphic art. Third, this is just the poor man's version of her other nude Marilyn Monroe photoshoot, which appeared in New York in 2008.

Dharun Ravi is the 19-year-old Rutgers student who in 2010 secretly monitored his roommate Tyler Clementi making out with another man via webcam and streamed it over the internet. Shortly after, Clementi killed himself. Ravi now faces 15 criminal counts, including invasion of privacy, and witness and evidence tampering — though he wasn't charged in connection with Clementi's death itself. Still, he's facing up to ten years in prison if convicted. Prosecutors offered him an attractive way out: A plea deal that would promise him no prison time, but included community service, probation and counseling. It also came came with the added enticement that the state would help Ravi fight any deportation charges brought against him. (Ravi is a citizen of India.) All in all, it was a pretty sweet deal.