From the Department of Shit We Wish We Didn't Care About But Can't Help Ourselves: Pete Doherty, formerly the lead singer for Brit-rocket outfit The Libertines, now of Babyshambles and a rehab facility near you, is claiming to have secretly wed supermodel Kate Moss. The two have had a very public on-again, off-again relationship, which was never short on drama thanks to Doherty's romantic heroin and crack problems. (Although we have to admire the perseverance of an addict who goes to fucking Thailand for rehab.) Exactly the sort of father Moss has been looking for her daughter Lila, no doubt.

Just days after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina and four years to the day of the attacks on the World Trade Center, tragedy has struck yet again. During the finale of last night's Diane von Furstenburg Spring 2006 fashion show, an entire bank of lighting fell on the audience, injuring several high-profile guests. The Daily breathlessly reports:

Apparently Fashion Week had its official kickoff last night at Radio City with the Fashion Rocks concert, but large venues are so tacky. The real action is, predictably, in the lineup, and especially regarding the celebrity collections. Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B. line has snagged the coveted Friday 8 p.m. slot, previously held by Jennifer Lopez. Meanwhile, Destiny's only Child Beyoncé Knowles has pulled her line from the shows, as it undoubtedly sucks.

"Did you realize your homeboy Anderson Cooper is in Maxim?" asked an email a few hours ago. We most certainly did not realize our homeboy Coop was in Maxim. And yet there he is. We did not realize he would be modeling clothes for the lad mag because, well, we tend not to think of news anchors as fashion models.

We're always amused when news stories are entirely self-contradictory. Take, for example, this lead from the Sun:

It's the most wonderful time of the year: Summer dwindles to a close, the boiling stench of Manhattan becomes slightly less putrid, and suddenly the streets are lined with stick people and glittering with cocaine. Why, it's time for Fashion Week!

It's no secret that you, our readers, are far more intelligent than we could ever hope to be. That's why you all have real jobs, whereas your darling editors toil away in a subterranean landfill, living for little more than our daily handle of flammable 5 O'Clock vodka. You, however, are smart, savvy, cosmopolitan, genius sexpots. Our headgear-wearing asses can hold nary a candle to your smooth, supple derrieres.

Yesterday we had some interesting sightings of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice enjoying her much-deserved break in Manhattan; she took in a show, played some tennis, bought some shoes. Sounds like the perfect vacation for a Lucky girl. Or not:

• Smell that? It's romance, right there, in our air — and it's wafting around David Hauslaib of Jossip and Gawker Hottie and Daily News gossipista Ben Widdicombe. Well done, David. You'll break that glass ceiling yet. [Daily Transom]
• Janice Dickinson, America's First Supertramp. [A Socialite's Life]
• Hey, remember Wilmer Valderrama? You better, 'cause he's on the up and up. No, he swears. [NYDN]
• "What the fuck is going on down there? You mean to tell me the United States cannot get it together to save these people, feed these people, and have some semblance of law and order?" We couldn't say it better ourselves. [Amy's Robot]
• Best designer knock-off, ever. [Banterist]

The latest on Condoleezza Rice's Manhattan vacation, courtesy of a reader:

According to Drudge, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has recently enjoyed a little Broadway entertainment. And Page Six reports that she's also working on her backhand with Monica Seles. So the Gulf Coast has gone all Mad Max, women are being raped in the Superdome, and Rice is enjoying a brief vacation in New York. We wish we were surprised.

• In Monday's issue of Time magazine's Style & Design, former Gucci prince Tom Ford tells editor Kate Betts that leaving Gucci "was horrible. I did not want to leave. I was deeply, deeply depressed for probably six months. I felt like my life might just end." Funny, we usually start feeling better about ourselves after we leave the Gucci store.
• Your tattoo of Interpol bassist Carlos D is forever, just like his herpes. [ToTC]
• Snoop Dogg will NOT have his image misappropriated, and his lawyer will fuck you doggystyle if you dare to do so. [TSG]
• Bomb Secretary Donald Rumsfeld will appear on Letterman next week. We didn't realize how funny that Iraq situation is 'till now! [AP]
• When all else fails, blame The Gays for Hurricane Katrina. God knows they started the Tsunami, too. [365gay]

Just moments ago, Us Weekly high priestess Janice Min appeared on the Today show to discuss current fashion and fitness winners and losers. In her philosophical musings about the genetic supremacy of Eva Longoria, Jessica Simpson, and Sienna Miller, Min noted, "Women around our office clip pictures of Sienna and hang them up for inspiration."

Everyone knows that J. Lo's junk-packed trunk is the real money maker, so we'll know her brand is truly dead once Big Lots starts offering a 2-for-$9.99 panty special.

"I want you to want me." (Click to enlarge, see Paris Hilton's lazy eye.)

Contrary to popular belief, a 95-pounds-and-shrinking starlet really does understand the denim needs of plus size women. Next up in brand expansion: The Jessica Simpson LSAT prep course.

We're a little sad we missed the Today show this morning. Fortunately we have loyal readers, always ready to send us the highlights we missed. Like this one, for example:

We have no doubt New York mag is made with all sorts of animal and animal-derived products and byproducts, from the leather whips with which Bruce Wasserstein keeps the staff motivated all day to the warm calf's milk in which Adam Moss soaks his feet each night. But the mag finally threw a bone, as it were, to the city's anti-meat community, picking vegan pastry chef Duch Ermold for this week's Look Book.

This is how cable news deals with the uber-expensive denim trend. So cute, really.

Click to enlarge.