Seeing as neither Gawker editor is particularly turned on by the sight of a happily jiggling female, rest assured that we're only sharing the following with you because we want to keep you informed of important news from the world of modeling.
Tell us, queerly eyed fashion guru Carson Kressley, whatever should we wear to a benefit for the Boys & Girls Club, an organization devoted to providing a safe place for kids to have safe, supervised fun and companionship, so as to keep them away from the temptations of gangs and drugs? A t-shirt with an enormous, sequined pot leaf? Brilliant. Thanks!
God, we hate it when this happens. New York hands their readers a woefully misguided fish in the sartorial barrel, and we are forced — yes, forced — to go to town on the poor soul who posed for their Look Book. This week, that person is Gloria Ward, a wig-wearing beautician who admits that on the day this photo was taken, she was looking "a little flashy." Indeed! Gloria is into fake eyelashes and a triple coat of mascara, paired with a disturbingly large blazer. You should also know that she was once a drummer in her husband's band, the Ink Spots, and she fell in love with her husband after he asked her if she did any typing. We suppose this makes Gloria a real romantic.
Ad Age Media Guy Simon Dumenco is, as always, angry. This time it's at Jared Paul Stern — who else? — and, interestingly, it's not that Simon is mad at Jared for his journalistic ethics or his crudely miscalculated shakedown attempt or his subsequent spin campaign. Simon is mad at Jared for his clothes — which Stern claims was the real reason he was asking Ron Burkle for money:
Just in time for the resurrection, our personal messiah Joey Arak emerges from his tomb to bring us the latest installment of Blue States Lose. For your sins, he'll sort through the galleries of Sparks-addled hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, the greasy people make the Easter bunny cry.
Here's a little something to make your head explode, courtesy of pretty Jim Shi at The Daily:
And, you wonder, if Jared Paul Stern's clothing line is anywhere close to successful, why would he need an infusion of cash from any billionaire, whether one being shaken down or otherwise?
• As expected, the Times dumps its unwatched Discovery Times channel. [Media Mob/NYO]
• Did Bill Keller's gin-heiress wife kill Boldace? Probably not, but she sure didn't help. [WWD (second item)]
• We love conflicts of interest; the Pulitzers board, not so much. [E&P]
• Forbes media kibitzer James Brady wonders, "Is Cosmo editor Kate White the smartest dame in the business?" Of course she is, Jim. Until you find someone else to slobber over next week. [Forbes]
• New Yorker fashion director Michael Roberts moves to Vanity Fair, presumably preferring a publication that does little things like fashion spreads. [Media Mob/NYO]
Forgive us for noticing something like this, but we like to stare at shoes (not in a fetishy way, we swear). So we were studying the images of life-threatening platform-stiletto heels featured in today's Times article — and then we realized that one of shoes featured, the Azzedine Ala a Geppetto, is also gracing Jessica Simpson's skanky feet on the cover of today's Post.
If you're simply an entertained observer, you can wear your Richard Johnson birthday t-shirt to commemorate Payola Six. But what to wear if you're an alleged co-conspirator, a Page Six stringer namechecked in JPS's surveillance tapes? A guy rumored to have an ex-girlfriend-related grudge against shakedown target and Yucaipa Cos. chief Ron Burkle? At an LL Cool J album-release party last night, Sixer Fernando Gil provided an answer.
How best to commemorate/celebrate/mourn this fiasco? How best to show your support/scorn/amusement/ distaste/admiration for Page Six? That's easy. In a vintage Richard Johnson t-shirt, from the gossip guru's 50th birthday party, spotted yesterday on a magazine staffer in Chelsea.
It's a big week for New York magazine — they've actually acknowledged that there are working-class people in this world! Or, at least, they're acknowledging their readership's domestic servants by featuring Michelle Mills, a nanny who cares for 3-year-old Lily of Bleecker Street. Michelle also works part time at Magnolia Bakery and is originally from Vermont, where she grew up in the woods (we suppose this makes her slightly feral).
For most people, Friday means 9-5 laziness followed by binge drinking. For us, Friday means Blue States Lose, where we sort through the galleries of beautifully retarded hipsters at The Cobrasnake, Last Night's Party, Misshapes and Ambrel so you don't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak sprinkles his fairy dust.
A fluffy goldmine of well-bred living in today's Times:
This week, presumably in honor of their Travel Issue New York magazine's Look Book posse went to London for some original style. And lo, look who they found — Molly Carroll, the British Carmen Miranda! We don't know what it says about New York's fashionistas when our regional glossy has cross the Atlantic to find some real freakage, but we're more than happy to meet miss Molly, a writer/artist/musician who really wants to see New York's "Jewish part, with lots of old jazz," because she's heard "Jewish New Yorkers make all this great music." Sigh — we've so much work to do abroad, don't we?
Today's papers have clarified just what, exactly, happened yesterday morning at belligerent supermodel Naomi Campbell's Park Avenue duplex, which sent a woman to the hospital and Campbell to Midtown North Precinct. Thank God, because we've been up all night, hands-a-wringing, wondering how something so incomprehensibly tragic could ever happen.
• After having unprotected sex with a green beret and trolling the web for the finest young men available, Clay Aiken is now looking for some female company. If only Penelope Cruz were available. [Page Six]
• Director Kevin Smith will not be casting Reese Witherspoon or Nicole Richie in any forthcoming films, as he feels the former is a cunt and the latter is a slut. Since when did that prevent an actress from getting a role? [Lowdown]
• Former Sony Music chairman Tommy Mottola angers his well-heeled neighbors in Westchester County by building a big, ugly house. As if Captain Greasypants would build a tasteful colonial. [R&M]
• The best lede we'll read all week: "Gloria Estefan says Fidel Castro poops his pants." [Gatecrasher]
• We were somehow overlooked this year, but the ballots for Vanity Fair's international best-dressed list include Amy Sacco, Anna Anisimova, Brian Williams, and maybe a few dead folk. [Page Six]
• Dear Sharon Stone: Please shut the fuck up already. [Liz Smith]
