Would you let this woman near your dog? Didn't think so, but apparently a lot of folks do, as this week's fashion victim for New York mag's Look Book is a professional dog-walker named Suzanne. Just one name, mind you; she's more comfortable that way. Suzanne considers herself both extremely feminine and extremely masculine, and loves mixing her tribal punk look with some hints of Sideshow Bob. She's also in an unnamed all-female hardcore-slash-punk band — but you already knew that, didn't you?

It's time to feed the sweaty hipster drones with what they love best: unflattering photos of themselves. Yes, it's your weekly dose of Blue States Lose, wherein we look at the eye-bleeding photo galleries at The Cobrasnake, Last Night’s Party, Misshapes, and Ambrel so you won't have to. After the jump, Joey Arak shows off his shiny new badge from the Fashion Police.

In this week's edition of the Look Book, New York mag introduces us to Desmond E. Wilder, a financial analyst living large in North Bergen, New Jersey. Actually, he sounds and looks pretty normal to us: after a morning of midtown meetings, Wilder hit Bond No. 9 to pick up the "Wall Street" scent. He's also the co-publisher of Renaissance Man, a lifestyle magazine for men of color that will launch this summer. Interestingly, Wilder is not quite a Renaissance Man himself, but he intends to mix-and-match items from Saks and Century 21 until he reaches his goal.

We hear the same story, time and time again: a gorgeous young model mistakes the exit door on her bus for the bathroom door and, as a result, hits the highway at 40 mph. Russian model Tatyana Simanava did exactly that yesterday, dislocating her shoulder, smashing her arm, and damaging her face (remarkably, she's otherwise OK). So what happened, exactly? Simanava was en route to a glamorous Staten Island photo shoot and, while exiting the bathroom, mistook the RV exit for the door she had used to originally enter the loo. Writes the Daily News:

Fifth Avenue mothership Saks has unveiled their genius new windows, featuring couture-clad mannequins surrounded by cleaning supplies. Of course, they'd never suggest that you wear Zac Posen while scrubbing your toilet — rather, they think it'd be nice to buy your cleaning lady something to wear while she's scrubbing your toilet.

• Red-carpet watchers spend far too long studying pictures of TomKat and conclude that Cruise has started wearing lifts too appear less Lilliputian. Developing... [Lowdown]
• And in other TomKat news, did the Church of Scientology buy $9,000 worth of tickets for their messiah's premiere of MI:3? If so, it certainly didn't do much to bolster the box office — and besides, wouldn't Tom host a free screening at the Celebrity Center? [Hollywood Interrupted]
• Finally, lest TomKat make a single, undocumented move, Tom spends over $900 on Mother's Day flowers for his captured bride-to-be. [Scoop]
• The bloating makes her cranky: Britney Spears refuses to pay for K-Fed to go to Vegas for a weekend on her dime, and thus her husband is grounded without allowance. [Page Six]
• Kimora Lee gets no public love from her semi-estranged husband Russell Simmons, who publicly treats his Phat Baby like a leper. [R&M (last item)]
• Publicist Jonathan Cheban sells off his Clarendon clothing label and launches a new one called Kritik. Because everyone's one — get it? Sure to be loved by many a spelling-challenged Lohan. [Page Six]

• NB to Scarlett Johansson: You're ours, bitch. You're just pretty property of the paparazzi. If you continue to fight it, you'll only continue to embarrass yourself. [Gilded Moose]
• Uh, breaking? Britney Spears did not have a press conference today to address pregnancy rumors. So, you know, back to rampant and unfounded speculation. [BlogNYC]
• One man dared to follow Tom Cruise all over town yesterday. That man is to be respected, but only from afar. Get too close, and he seems kind of scary. [Confessions of a Celebrity Stalker]
• Now that Mexico has legalized marijuana, cocaine, and heroin, you'll have a much easier time deciding on a vacation locale. [NY Sun]
• When it comes to Kaavya Viswanathan satire, Forbes' Karl Shmavonian gives Mediabistro's Laurel Touby a run for her money. [Forbes]
• Our dark master emerges from his gilded loft! Oh, the sunlight, how it stings! [Blogebrity]
• In the Times' write-up of the Costume Institute Gala, there's but one line you need to read to understand it all: "'Can you believe they're giving us pies?' a British model said when a lamb pie was put in front of her." [NYT]
• Herve Villachez, just because we feel like it. [Pimpadelic Wonderland via Vidiot]

Our globetrotting sibling Gridskipper has discovered perhaps the most magnificent waste of money sinc Katie Couric's salary: a t-shirt featuring the face and name of Vincent Gallo, retailing for $500. This holy grail of irony is being sold at the Yellow Fever boutique, but don't expect to just waltz in and open your wallet:

• OH MY GOD IT'S SO FUCKING AMAZING OH YEAH TOM CRUISE! You, too, can experience the joy of Tom, by watching the live webcast of him walking into the movie theater at 7pm. [Yahoo]
• An ad agency sues a blogger for defamation. Sigh. [AdAge]
• We don't know how we missed the photos of Diane Von Furstenburg at Monday night's Costume Institute Ball, but we're really glad that we did. [Papierblog]
• Back when New York was listing its 123 reasons to love New York, they included a group of bright young things and predicted that at least one of them would be famous by 2010. Kaavya Viswanathan was in said group. How prescient. [NYM]
• In additional Kaavya digs, we're enjoying her July 2005 Times piece on her love of Harry Potter books. Has anyone thought to compare those texts to Opal Mehta? [NYT]
• People magazine keeps their racism subtle. [Jen Is Famous]
• Bonnie Fuller poses for the cover of Lifestyles magazine. And for the record, her face is frozen like that. [FishbowlNY]
• But at least the Bonnster's Toronto book party gave bloggers the chance to gorge themselves on chocolate-covered strawberries and mini-bruschetta. There's never too much when it comes to finger food! [OMG Blog]

We feel genuinely bad for this week's victim in New York's Look Book. Not because Onia Jane Balsebre looks particularly mangy, but because she moved here from Barcelona for love, and it didn't work out. Now she's still here, watching reruns of Felicity and trying her hardest to be an actress, despite her accent, desire to dress like a boy, and her lack of familiarity with Neil Simon. Yeah, we're thoroughly depressed now — time to draw the shades and call it a day.

We don't know how it's possible to have spent a significant chunk of our day scrutinizing photos from last night's Met Costume Institute Ball and not have vomited into our laps, but here we are, thighs clean and stomachs under control. The sartorial criticism should be left to those who are much better suited to it, but we can't ignore the image at right, of gay matador Zac Posen and his date, former Observer scribe-cum-swan Jessica Joffe.

• Because we're tired of typing out all their names, we're going to refer to the ongoing celebrity scandal du jour as Chardenade Heatherich (you translate it). So, today in Chardenade Heatherich news, fifth wheel David Spade slams Denise Richards for betraying Heather Locklear — who happens to be linked to Spade. [Page Six]
• Devil Wears Prada author Lauren Weisberger may be experiencing a career slowdown: After lagging sales for her second book, Everyone Worth Knowing, she's reportedly having difficulty starting her third book. And so Anna Wintour sticks another pin in her little cloth doll... [Lowdown]
• Pete Doherty claims that he was not injecting drugs into the arm of an unconscious young woman. Both he and the girl insist that she was conscious and Doherty was actually drawing her blood — which he was going to then use to paint pictures. We actually preferred the first version. [IOL]
• Is there anything Wilmer Valderrama won't attend? Now he's hosting a condo opening for Corcoran, to be followed by an after-party for the opening of a anthrax-filled envelope. [The Real Estate]
• Now that Rosie O'Donnell is headed to The View, Star Jones' ego might not be able to take it. Her agent is rumored to be calling around, though Jones is welcome to stay as long as she likes. For the sake of television savagery, let's pray Star stays. [Page Six]
• Despite having around 20 pieces in the Met Costume Institute's "Anglomania" exhibit, Malcom McLaren is unable to snare a gala invite from Her Frigidness. [R&M (2nd item)]

As judged by the number of Getty photos listed for individual luminaries (names selected at random) present at last night's event.

At left, Graydon Carter makes a sartorial mistake at the VF Oscar Party. At right, a marked improvement.
Look who's learned his lesson! At last night's Vanity Fair party for the Tribeca Film Festival, editor Graydon Carter exercises sound judgment and leaves his Party Skidz at home. And doesn't he look nice? Now his wife has no problem being photographed with him.

In their latest installment of the Look Book, New York magazine takes its Brooklyn Style issue to the extreme by hitting Fulton Mall and interviewing Glenn Staley and Kyle Mingo, two "urban b-boy" party promoters. Staley likes his clothes by Pharrell, but Mingo prefers shirts with Muslim themes and "Afghanistan scarves" around his neck. The guys keep the stickers on their hats to show that they, uh, have a lot of hats, and they both think they'd fit in better around Soho. What, not fans of Maclaren-laden Brooklyn?

• A UK court rules that it's OK to publicly confirm that Kevin Costner is the actor accused of exposing himself to a masseuse at St. Andrew's. Welcome out of the closet, buddy — hope you enjoyed what was left of your career, 'cause that shit's over. Er, more over than it was before today. [Times UK]
• At the Learning Annex, the founder of Jossip.com, David Hauslaib, will reveal all the secrets of professional blogging. But will he reveal how to get into Daily News gossip hottie Ben Widdicombe's pants? [Learning Annex]
• Oh poor, poor Bee Shaffer! The daughter of Vogue EIC Anna Wintour will have her Costume Institute ballgown "molded" to her body by Karl Lagerfeld. Oh, the unbearable burden of being a spoiled glamourpuss. [NY Sun]
• Project Runway 3 will debut this summer, meaning that the designers are rumored to show at fall Fashion Week. [Reality Blurred]
• Donald Trump takes his brand to Philly for some new casinos. He also brings along some poor planning, considering the Nicetown residents would rather have a grocery store. [Philadelphia Magazine]
• We really, really hope that Barbra Streisand was put in her place for wearing stretch pants. She should know better. [NE]

A question that actually, really, truthfully appears on page 90 of the current Elle, the "Elle Fashion Insider: Know-It-All" advice page:

We're going to venture ever-so-slightly off our beaten path and, for just a moment, talk about fashion choices amongst popular figures in the gay community. Specifically, we're really feeling what John Cameron Mitchell, the doll behind Hedwig and the Angry Inch, has been doing with his wardrobe for the past few years. He may know how to be one bold tranny, but when it's all business, Mitchell also knows how to work the fashion rules — find a look that works and stick with it, darling.

Rocco DiSpirito went to the opening of a Broadway show last night — Richard Greenberg's Three Days of Rain, starring Julia Roberts — and showed off his sequined t-shirt. You know, to demonstrate how not gay he is.

Just under a week.