You remember Joe the Plumber, of course. The glare from his bald head illuminated just how dumb our American election process is. Now the English people have their very own Joe the Plumber. Meet 65 year-old Gillian the Pensioner!

A rogue employee of the British Foreign Office wrote a satirical (?) memo with suggestions for the Pope's September UK visit. Included: "launch of 'Benedict' condoms" and "Open an abortion ward". Now the British government has apologized.

British superstar historian Orlando Figes has admitted to leaving scathing Amazon reviews about fellow historians' books. His brilliant pseudonym: "orlando-birkbeck." (He teaches at Birkbeck, University of London.) This sparked a massive historian fight and lawyers were called. Historians! [Guardian] (pic)

Until last Thursday, most Britons had no idea what Nick Clegg, the leader of the UK's third-largest party, even looked like. Now, he's first or second in all national opinion polls. What's going on here?

Flights are resuming in Britain, despite the possibility of a new ash cloud.

20 year-old Laura Hall got a Drinking Banning Order, which forbids her to enter "any pub, club, off-licence or bar" in England. Because she's a drunk. If you're drinking too hard for England, you have a problem. [DailyMail] (via Scrubbles)

Volcanic ash from Iceland is significantly disrupting flights in and out of the UK.

From time to time on Gawker we stop to look at what Gwyneth Paltrow is eating. It's a lot! Though, like most people who seek comfort in bad foods, it does not cure her problems. She is still very angry.

This is ironic! American Apparel, the Cain to Dov Charney's Serpent (if we're to believe the Jewish version), just held a "rummage sale"—where items are sold on the street at a discount—in London. It caused a riot, naturally.

Why doves failed to be released into the sky when Peep Show became available on Hulu is beyond us, but it seems that seasons 1-5 of the series that re-entered Britain into the Anglo-American-good-television-arms-race is available for everyone to enjoy!

On December 17, 2008 a British man parked his $200,000 Lamborghini outside his home. He then got blackout drunk. When he awoke, he had "no idea what happened" to the car. It has never been found. Spooky. [Telegraph]

What's with everyone walking around with temporary tattoos on their foreheads today? Is this a meme we're not aware of? Even Joe Biden has one! Does it have something to do with cats? Oh, it's Ash Wednesday? Carry on, Catholicism.

Most ads for the Super Bowl were created on a huge budget for multinational corporations. But this PSA, created by the Sussex Safer Roads Partnership, is not only better than any ad last night, but cost wayyyyy less to boot.

The Way We Live Now: Falling apart. Here are the things we currently lack: food, health care, and food, as well as money. What we do have, though, is our eye on the British. And we don't like their looks.

[Newly engaged famous people Russell Brand and Katy Perry stroll through the streets of North London casting spells yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

As Suffolk police close in on Craig 'Lazie' Lynch—who escaped from prison in September and is now taunting the cops on Facebook—Lazie battles a temperamental public and inspires imitators. Plus: Another inmate absconds from his prison.

Remember how, in Catch Me If You Can, fugitive Leonardo DiCaprio kept calling Detective Tom Hanks to taunt him? Here is a convicted burglar doing the same thing, in real time on Facebook. Should we celebrate or fear him?

A brilliant and imaginative group of food artists make an exact replica of the London skyline—using food. And instead of using traditional English dishes to make the skyline, they used fruits and vegetables—so it's edible, too!

When you poke your hot gastroenterologist on Facebook and get no response, don't worry: He's trying to be professional. The UK's largest medical professional organization has warned doctors not to respond to "flirtatious approaches" on social-networking sites.

English newspaper the Guardian has come up with a way to "show your allegiance to the vampire world" this Halloween: a cross-stitch pattern of Twilight star Robert Pattinson. You're welcome.