So apparently there's been this huge debate raging all across America today over whether or not Bruno's bare-assed landing on Eminem in the "69" position was staged? Though we're utterly baffled that there's even any question at all over this, we have confirmation tonight that it was fake.

• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou had a baby boy over the weekend. [Us]
• Susan Boyle checked into a clinic on Saturday after suffering a "mental breakdown" following her loss on Britain's Got Talent. [NYDN, NYP]
• Kate Hudson successfully avoided Madonna at Saturday's polo match, which is a good thing since an encounter could have led to a "girl-on-girl showdown." [NYDN]
• Bill and Hillary are househunting, apparently. Per a friend: "There are some really massive estates that are incredibly cheap. Plus, it's a fun way to spend a weekend." [NYDN]
• As for Barack and Michelle, they spent Saturday in NYC, eating at Blue Hill before attending a performance of Joe Turner's Come and Gone. [NYDN, NYT]
• Eminem stormed out of the MTV Movie Awards after Sasha Baron Cohen landed in his lap, either because he was offended or because it was part of a pre-planned stunt. [P6, NYDN]
• Billy Bob Thornton's daughter has been arrested for child neglect. [People]
• Rumor has it Jennifer Hudson is pregnant. [People]

It's generally a pretty safe assumption that something ridiculous will happen each year at The MTV Movie Awards, and tonight's version of the show did not disappoint. Sacha Baron Cohen just descended bare-assed from the ceiling as "Bruno" and landed in Eminem's lap in the "69" position. Hilarity ensued.

John Mayer went out on Saturday night and raised the bar on celebrity cheesedickery, David Cross and Amber Tamblyn are making out in public all over East Village, and Fergie admits to being bi-sexual.

• Cynthia Nixon and longtime girlfriend Christine Marinoni have gotten engaged. The couple announced the news at the Love, Peace and Marriage Equality rally over the weekend. [OK!, ET]
• Mariah Carey reportedly threw a fit in Cannes on Friday evening when the director of her new movie had the audacity to show up late to the premiere, thus denying her precious time on the red carpet. [NYDN]
• Also in Cannes: Giuseppe Cipriani was seen making out with Tara Reid; and Kirsten Dunst missed the party she was supposed to be hosting because she missed her flight. [NYDN, Mirror]
• Kelly Bensimon is telling friends she regrets joining the Real Housewives cast since appearing on the show has "ruined her socially." [P6]
• Brooke Shields says her mother was checked out of her nursing home last week by a National Enquirer reporter looking for a scoop. [People]

Downside: You're a laid-off autoworker. Upside: Free trip to see Eminem in LA. Downside wins.

LA police, responding to an alarm at Lindsay Lohan's home, thought the house had been "ransacked," when in fact it was merely the dwelling of a slob. George Clooney parties like an fratty ibanker.

More Carrie Prejean topless photos have emerged, real topless photos, Bob Barker and Betty White are about to kill each other over an elephant, and Nick Cannon is sick of Eminem talking about Mariah.

• Brooke Shields can't seem to make up her mind about who's to blame for the Kiefer Sutherland-Jack McCollough incident last week. A few days ago, her reps denied she'd been pushed by Jack. But now she says he did bump into her, and that Kiefer "has always been a gentleman" with her. Go figure. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Madonna took her kids to a Mets game on Mother's Day, which was all part of a plan to make Alex Rodriguez jealous, apparently. Also, the singer/diehard baseball fan sat in Jerry Seinfeld's seats and hung out with the Anderson Cooper the whole time, just so you know. [P6]
• More topless photos of Carrie Prejean have surfaced online. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters wore the same dress to the Time 100 gala and the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The horror! [TMZ]
• Maya Rudolph and PT Anderson are expecting their second child. [People]

The sensibility of all hipsters have two axes: 1. "irony" 2. "alternative". This weekend I got hipster-lit, myspace-account broker, and quirky-NYM-darling Tao Lin to help me plot current events on The Hipster Matrix.

George Clooney says you shouldn't listen to those disgruntled waitresses; Courtney Cox isn't listening to the Brad Pitt haters and David Hasselhoff doesn't want anyone listening to his daughter and ex-wife.

• Madonna's most recent effort to change hearts and minds in Malawi: She pleaded her case in a letter to the country's Nation newspaper, writing that she wants to provide Mercy "with a home, a loving family environment and the best education and health care possible." [Us, NYP]
• Madonna may want to take a cue from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: The couple had their adoption request turned down by Bhutan recently, but they're now moving on to the Philippines, according to Britain's Daily Mail. [NYDN]
• Kipton Cronkite's life appears to be headed downhill: The art world scenester has lost his job and apartment, and he's living rent-free with a rich teenager on the Lower East Side. [P6]
• Ruth Madoff will have to find a new stylist: She's been banned from the Pierre Michel Salon "out of respect for the salon's other customers." [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's mental condition isn't improving: Friends now say she "barely sleeps" anymore, and she "can't even sit down for a minute without pacing around the room." [People]

Eminem dropped his first official solo single in four years earlier this week, "We Made You". Some like it, but many more are calling it formulaic, or boring.

No idea why they went to all this trouble—they spoofed Die Hard and 24 as well—but let's be glad they did, because not much real news is happening on this religion-tainted Friday. [Smooth Originals via Adfreak]

• Get the welcome wagon ready: Jennifer Aniston may be moving to New York soon, both to be closer to John Mayer and because she's filming her next two movies here. [Fox 411]
• A bunch of people who attended Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's Oscars party at Guy Oseary's house ended up leaving early and heading over to the more popular Vanity Fair bash instead. Kate Winslet screamed "Wooo!" at everyone who congratulated her (and later tripped down a small set of steps), a tipsy Natalie Portman flirted with Twilight's Robert Pattinson, and Mick Jagger chatted up every woman that came within two feet of him. [P6, NYDN, E!, Mirror]
• Madonna looked conspicuously wrinkle-free while squiring Jesus Luz around LA last weekend and eventually ran into Sean Penn on Sunday night. After congratulating him on his Oscar win, he pointed in Luz's direction and replied, "Thanks. Another kid already?" [NYDN, DS, Sun]
• Nicky Hilton placed a homeless man under "citizen's arrest" after he pushed her on to the ground outside an IHOP. Seriously. [Us]

Gay Elton John has been flying into Detroit to record songs for Eminem's upcoming album. Now there's a sentence that would terrify Eminem's fans in 1999. And Elton John's. [Freep via TAN]

Wyclef Jean has been busy stumping for Obama as of late, but perhaps he'll find time to take a short break today to celebrate his 36th birthday. Others who may (or may not) indulge in cake today: Socialite Debbie Bancroft is 54. Artist Ryan McGinley is 31. Chicago director Rob Marshall is 48. Legendary newsman Jimmy Breslin is 79. New Yorker staff writer and author Ariel Levy is 34. Film critic Richard Roeper turns 49. Eminem celebrates his 36th. Ziggy Marley, the son of Bob Marley, is 40. And Kirna Zabête co-owner Beth Buccini is 37. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Time to mark your calendars: Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn, has an official September release date for her memoir about raising two of the world’s most tabloid-friendly children, Through The Storm: A Real Story About Family And Fame In A Tabloid World. In the book, Spears will supposedly take the Dina Lohan route and disguise motherly resentment as motherly love and “express her love for her children and tell their stories through a mother's eyes,” according to the publisher, who specializes in “inspirational books and Bibles.” But how rosy and cozy can the tome’s description of family life be with a title referring to said life as a “storm”? And given the nature of celebrity family members' tell-alls in the past, coupled with the assurance that this will not be “a parenting book,” we certainly hope Lynne follows in the footsteps of Nancy Aniston and Virgie Arthur by revealing a bit more dirt than the rote "Britney And Jamie Lynn Were Perfect Angels" tales (given the fact that they’re, um, not these days). We took a closer look at five of the most trash-talking tell-alls from stars’ estranged and/or envious relatives to whet our appetite in the meantime:

• Actress Jessica Alba did something nice for a sick girl, and if you focus on the pictures and edit out the exclamation points in the copy, the story is kind of sweet. (That's just... I got something in my eye, is all. Shut up.) [Star]