Mom-hating rapper Eminem is planning to publish his memoirs at the ripe old age of 36. Question: Is it really necessary to buy his memoirs when every single one of his albums is an extended exercise in tortured self-examination? We already know all about his family problems, his relationship problems, and his problems with friends getting killed. He made that autobiographical movie too, ya know. Is there a lot more value to add for the rapidly aging Slim Shady fan base?
• Eminem in whiteface. Someone, somewhere, is rolling in some grave, or something. [DealBreaker]
• TIME reporter claims magazine didn't touch Karr story. Claim eerily matches reality of Karr claim he touched JonBenet Ramsey. YEAH, WE'RE STILL DOING THIS. [Think Progress]
• Wired reviews Pitchfork Media. Gives it a 7.030032. Basically good, but a little bit derivative of [obscure reference], like some kind of [overwrought metaphor that doesn't actually make sense when you think about it for even two seconds]. [Wired]
• A CNN reporter has a private conversation in the bathroom while wearing a hot mic during President Bush's memorial Hurricane Katrina address. Embarrassing? Yes. Was anyone watching President Bush's memorial Hurricane Katrina address? No. [Wonkette]
•: Important Update on Bravest Actress of All Time: Natalie Portman is definitely doing something courageous, coyly seductive, and thoroughly Jewish, we're just not sure where. [One Park Avenue Reality]
• Maybe forcing millions of drunk people to interact in the same small corner at the edge of the city wasn't such a good idea after all. [VV]
• Union Square still has street cred. Where else can you enjoy Thai chili lime peanuts, free Ben & Jerry's milkshakes, and heroin? [ANIMAL]
· Eminem is attached to star in the Paramount film adaptation of the TV series Have Gun— Will Travel, which will reimagine the Western's original gunslinger-for-hire as a white rapper who excels at threatening his wife in verse. Paramount doesn't want to stretch the neophyte actor too far in his first post-8-Mile role. [Variety]
· Let us all pause for a moment to join hands and thank our infinitely benevolent maker for allowing 20th Century Fox International to be the first studio to reach the $1 billion mark at the foreign box office this year. Slaughtering a fatted calf is strictly optional, unless you are a Fox employee who wants to score some points with his or her boss. [THR]
· It is now safe to officially apply the disappointing™ and Huge Fucking Bomb™ labels to Over the Hedge and Poseidon, respectively. [Variety]
· A judge ruled that producer Bob Yari had to amend his lawsuit over being denied a Crash credit by the PGA and AMPAS, probably to include the disclaimer, "I realize that in the event I am awarded this credit I am claiming my share of the responsibility for this heavy-handed artistic disaster, even if I'm only bringing this action because the movie somehow won a Best Picture Oscar." [THR]
· ICM officially admits that top agent Chris Andrews has jilted his longtime partner for bustier, sluttier mistress CAA. [Variety]
Jodie Foster took some time off from her busy schedule of shooting whatever claustrophobic action/suspense thriller she happens to be working on at the moment to deliver the commencement address to the graduating class of University of Pennsylvania. Reviews have been good, with Foster reportedly having struck the perfect balance of irreverence and gravitas. For the requisite final note of productive optimism, however, Foster turned to the unlikely inspiration of an Eminem lyric. It was a bold move to choose the controversial rapper's song "Lose Yourself" from which to quote, though perhaps not as incendiary as it would have been had she chosen one of his less "up with people" sentiments, such as "Kill You"'s "Slut, you think I won't choke no whore/'till the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!"
Two days after the announcement of the abrupt end of Eminem's European tour, the reason for the cancellation has been upgraded from the classic "exhaustion" to "rehab for sleeping medication dependency." On the Publicist Excuse Matrix, "sleeping medication" (or any kind of relatively socially acceptable painkiller/prescription drug) usually equals "heroin," so interpret today's official statement accordingly.
· Porn star Traci Lords, on sex scenes with rival Ginger Lynn: "I was...disgusted by the thought of the upcoming lesbian scene I was supposed to have with this bitch on wheels. The thought of kissing her grossed me out. But I guess it's better than having to fuck a fleshy hairball like Ron Jeremy, I reasoned, still feeling less than lucky." [Page Six]
· Britney Spears sighted defying the Bloomberg smoking ban at Go. [Page Six]
· The bibliophile's event-to-crash tomorrow (ULA? Anyone?) : the P.E.N. literary gala at the Pierre tomorrowco-chaired by Tina Brown. [Page Six]
· Hotel mogul Vikram Chatwal's 5K media company is launching a Kama Sutra-themed lounge called K-space in Midtown next month. [Page Six]
· Eminem's favorite relaxation is a weekly facial at some posh spot in New York or Los Angeles. (That can't be good for his street cred.) [Liz Smith]
· Met catcher Mike Piazza says he still confesses to a priest after every time he and girlfriend former Playboy Playmate Alicia Rickter have sex. Rapper "Ol' Dirty Bastard" is changing his name to "Dirt McGirt." [NY Daily News]
Claire Zulkey of Zulkey.com interviews writer (Dogwalker) and filmmaker (How's your news?) Arthur Bradford and "apropos of nothing" provides Eminem's high school photo (right). Bradford on his guitar-smashing habits during readings/performances: " I did have one really stupid incident where I knocked a hole in the wall of a nice club. I felt so dumb about that. The owner was appalled. He said, 'I don't understand why you did that.' I had no excuse. It was stupid. Since then I've learned it's not always appropriate to break a guitar."
The Arthur Bradford interview [Zulkey.com]
Snark Hunting notices that Eminem's brand references have dropped to 15 from 25 on the previous album. Snark Hunting's conclusions: "(1) Eminem is losing his interest in auto and apparel brands. (2) Eminem has an increased interest in kitchen/household products; including Saran Wrap. (3) Weapons and pharmaceutical products are Eminem's top brand preoccupations. (4) 39% of all Eminem's pharmaceutical references are to Tylenol."
Eminem's Brand-Namedropping [Snark Hunting via MeFi]
Michael Musto, experimenting with Ashtanga yoga these days, reports that Eminem tried out for a part in Larry Clark's upcoming film Ken Park but was rejected because he was "too old and buff for it." [More on Em later.] Musto also reports that opening night at The Slide consisted of Jennifer Aniston's Golden Globe dress sketches coming to life on men and "an open bar that brought out every last lush on earth. It was so crowded you couldn't see the forest for the Sky Room."
La Dolce Musto [Village Voice]
Howell Raines wants to put the arts and leisure back in the Arts & Leisure section of the NYT. He hasn't picked an editor yet, but Slate's Jodi Kantor is rumored to be the leading candidate. Raines says he wants to be "as good at telling our readers the history of CBGB as we are about telling them about the Metropolitan Opera." Demonstrating that he's truly hip with the kids, Raines adds that he liked the Eminem movie, 8 Mile, and says that this East Coast/West Coast rap shit is whack, yo.
Howell Raines: may a thousand critics bloom [Observer]
Yo, yo, yo Times [Buzzmachine]
Buzz in Eminem [blue] surged past both [delete] and Shakira in the fourth quarter, according to Google's year-end Zeitgeist numbers. Meanwhile, trading ahead of cinematic release this coming Friday puts Gangs of New York futures at H$50.75, down more than 20% so far this month on bad advance word-of-mouth.
