Spotted on Craigslist this afternoon:

• French Vogue and its editor Carine Roitfeld are, of course, the hotness, which is why they didn't back down from letting Kate Moss guest-edit their December issue. You can't keep a hot bitch down. [The Daily]
• You can, however, keep her on-and-off boyfriend, Pete Moss, under arrest for posession of Class A drugs, a category which includes all the good stuff. [AP]• Because 50 Cent is into having sex ain't into making love, he plans on creating big, blue dildos in his own likeness. How thoughtful. [FemaleFirst]
• How to deal with the loud late-night Disneyhell that is the LES? Says one Curbed reader: "I'd suggest that instead of an earlier last call, they simply stop PATH train and Staten Island ferry service, and increase the bridge/tunnel tolls to $100 at 2 AM." [Curbed]
• As it turns out, Elaine Van Hoorne — the much-photographed hipster carnie and partner of One-Half NelSon — is just another damn Cornell grad. Figures. [Cornell]
• Who's really stealing Christmas? The politically correct, godless freak-monkeys, that's who. Praise Christ and his Mas! [Zulkey]
• Do we believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would really have their wedding registry at Neiman Marcus? And that the most expensive item is only $430? [Just Jared]
• The breakup of Nick and Jessica leaves no man unscathed. [The Post Show]
• CBS is wooing Katie Couric with promises of that which makes a morning show host truly great: body oil and Manolos. [LAT]

• Tara Reid copes with the cancellation of Taradise by doing a little shopping at the cosmetic surgeon's office. That can't possibly be good for her already-mutated nipples. [Cityrag]
• Rick Hilton pisses off Cartier customers and employees by loudly chatting on his cell phone. Like father, like daughter. [Radar]
• Looking for the perfect Chrismukkah present for the addict in your life? Show them you truly care with a gold-plated coke spoon. At only $265, it makes that 8-ball seem cheap. [Citizen Citizen]
• Capturing the very moment when Look Book lady Strummer Hoffston met Joe Strummer. [Bob Gruen]
• Has the NME list of best albums been rigged to the benefit of commercial interests? And, if so, are we the least bit surprised? [Londonist]

• Nick Lachey is quick on the rebound (as we're sure his marriage to Jessica Simpson just ended last week and not, like, last year); the single houseboy was seen cuddling with a nice set of boobies in Miami. Meanwhile, Tara Reid has ingratiated herself to Paris Hilton's ex-fiancé Paris Latsis, but Latsis is too smart to actually touch the boozehound. [Page Six]
• And on the professional front, Lachey enlists the flackitude of Ken Sunshine (publicist to Ben Affleck and Leonardo DiCaprio) to tackle the inevitable assault from Simpson's new bulldog rep, Rob Shuter. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Pinchedly pretty actress Nicole Kidman continues to spend increasing amounts of time with her "friend," country singer Keith Urban. Kidman and her family spent Thanksgiving with Urban's family in Nashville, and on Saturday night, Kidman and Urban made it to second base. [R&M]
• Claire Danes comes out in favor of anti-depressants; psychiatric medication is Hollywood's new African AIDS crisis.
• Michael Jackson hates all Jews and Italians over the age of 12. [Page Six]

We hadn't quite decided what was most objectionable about the featured wedding couple in yesterday's Times. Was it the curious circumstances of their first meeting? Was it that they held their wedding on the sidewalk of Fifth Avenue in front of Tiffany's? Was it that the groom had stolen his best friend's longterm girlfriend? Was it that some of the couple's friends were so angry about this they chose not to attend the wedding? Was it that despite all this, they still allowed their wedding to be profiled in the Times?

• Battle of the meatheady Greek shipping heirs: Paris Hilton's new beau, Stavros Niarchos, exchanges heated words with her former fiancé, Paris Latsis. Then Niarchos vomits all over the club, because that's how Greek shipping heirs solve all their disputes. [R&M]
• Smackeriffic rocker Pete Dougherty has checked into the Meadows rehab center in Arizona — the very same clinic where ex-girlfriend Kate Moss underwent treatment last month. In this case, we're not so sure imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. [Page Six]
• Legendary diva Elton John will finally marry his longtime partner, David Furnish, on December 21, the first day civil partnerships of the Gays will be recognized in England. Congrats to Furnish, who no doubt has secured himself a lifetime of temper tantrums and ass-whippings. [NYDN]
• In a real estate "turkey" roundup, lofts at 30 Crosby Street are suddenly considered part of TriBeCa. Awesome — does that mean we can make Harlem part of the East Village? [Page Six]

• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline come to New York, where they take in a show, binge drink, and enjoy the city's world-renowned acrylic nail applications. [Page Six]
• At the rehearsal dinner for his wedding to Christina Aguilera, Jordan Bratman thanked his parents for his "good looks and large [cock]," as well as for raising him to be a total retard. [R&M]
• When she's not bouncing around, baring her mosquito bites, Kate Moss hits Barcelona and St. Barths. Yeah, that whole cocaine thing really destroyed her life. [Page Six]
• When asked whether she thought Nicole Richie had gotten too thin, Joan Rivers responded, "I truly don t watch any of that group of girls. I find that whole group to be such low-rent, it really doesn t interest me at all. What have they done?" [Scoop]
• We know it's a holiday week, and our brains, too, are already on mental vacation — but why is Lowdown writing about Bratz dolls? Did Brangelina buy one or something? Why is this gossip? [Lowdown]

We've no idea where it came from, when it was shot, or what it all means, but it's a video of supermodel Kate Moss, topless, performing some sort of glorious seizure-dance.

• As it turns out, the Lindsay Lohan story we posted — in which a man named Jason Lewis duped Lohan into thinking he was the fucktastic actor of the same name, all via text messages — is totally true. We were right? Ugh, it always feels so funny when that happens. [Lowdown]
• Actress Brittany Murphy gets dropped by her manager at Brillstein-Grey and her agent at ICM, perhaps because she enjoys getting smack-happy and humping the help. [Radar]
• A fundraiser at the Museum of Natural History becomes an anti-Bush rally. In New York City? On the Upper West Side? Preposterous! [R&M]
• 90's songstress Lisa Loeb is dating former Post reporter Allen Salkin. This should really detract from her E! reality project that follows her through the single life. [Page Six]
• Christina Aguilera will wed fiancé Jordan Bratman in Napa Valley on Saturday. Rest assured, the entire affair will cost more than you'll ever be worth. [IMDb]

• The Post runs pictures from accused sex perv Peter Braunstein's "dream wedding," which resulted in a short-lived marriage back in the early 1990's. On a side note, this is about the 15th picture we've seen of Braunstein, and we still have no clue what he looks like. Is the dude some sort of photographic shape-shifter? [NYP]
• Great news: Crack and meth addicts make better financial investments! Time to start treating that bum with a little more respect. [Under the Counter]
• Google technology makes celebrity stalking easy! [Lifehacker]
• Why women like Hilary Swank date men like Chad Lowe: defying Manhattan's romantic caste system. [NYO]
• We've no idea who this Katherine woman is, the mysterious girl who swaps and redistributes prescriptions amongst her friends — but we'd very much like to be her BFF. [NYT]

• We apologize for today's lapse in coverage on suspected rapist Peter Braunstein. Rest assured, it has nothing to do with anything other than the fact there's nothing new to report. Kate Moss has been warned to look out for homeboy, and NYPD is tracking him through his Metrocard use. Alas, the whole system operates on a two hour delay. Brilliant. Honestly, Richard Belzer would've had this shit taken care of last week.
• 50 Cent expands his faux-ghetto empire to the extremely hard-ass realm of publishing. G-Unit books will be a collaboration with MTV/Pocket Books and deal with a range of topics, from cash and hoes to candy stores. [Contact Music]
• Authorities seize 136 pounds of heroin from a Staten Island storage facility, thus prompting the gutter pirates of Tompkins Square Park to riot. [Newsday]
• Starbucks holiday campaign invents a new alternative to "it's" and "its:" ITs. [Fawny]
• Been stalking various members of U2 since 1986? Then now's your big break: you can bid on the chance to be an extra in Bono's upcoming film. [eBay]

Kate Moss continues her rise from the Bolivian ashes: Fashion house Burberry, home of the quintessential plaid favored by many a biddy and Diddy, has stepped forward to publically support supermodel Kate Moss, who lost millions in contracts after being featured on the cover of the UK's Daily Mirror banging rails of cocaine.

It's estimated that as many as 80,000 lines of cocaine per day spill into London's River Thames, after passing through users' bodies and sewage (we recall a similar story regarding the cocaine content of an Italian river). This leads us to wonder: What do you suppose the coke content of NYC's rivers would be? Surely the East River would make the Hudson look like a mere recreational user.

Great news from Kate Moss's Post-Rehab Comeback Tour: After the UK's Daily Mirror featured the supermodel playing Scarface on its cover, Moss continues to rebound from losing face and millions in contracts. Her path to recovery includes the cover of Vanity Fair and an upcoming feature in haughty V magazine.

• Christian Slater, forced to give up his New York hobby of ass-groping, heads to West Hollywood, where he supplements his diet of misbehavior by falling off of Paris Hilton's roof. [People]
• Can we not take a tip from our friends across the pond and offer amnesty for those commuters caught reading embarrassing books? [Friday Project]
• Kate Moss grabs the December cover of Vanity Fair, making it all the more meta when you inevitably use your copy for cutting lines. [Jossip]
• Sex and the City's advertising campaign continues to skank all over Manhattan. [Gothamist]
• Justin Timberlake is being blamed for ruining Shrek 3. Funny: We thought Shrek 2 ruined the franchise. Aw, were we mean to the cute wittle cartoons? [Radar]
• Jesse Sheidlower literally cannot stand your incorrect usage of the word "literally." [Slate]
• For those of you poor spinsters so pathetic as to not land real engagement rings, Daily Candy suggests wearing a fake. [DailyCandy]

Our wish has been granted: Kate Moss, the supermodel whose rail-blowing image graced the cover of the UK's Daily Mirror, has reportedly decided to move to the United States. Just released from an Arizona rehab clinic last week, Moss is looking for a new home in New York, naturally (might we suggest a property in the Tribeca River Lofts? We hear alien model-types like the joint).

• Cocaine Kate is now Sober Kate, as the supermodel has been released from her paparazzi-hiding stint in rehab. Oh, Katie, New York is waiting for you with open arms. Come on home, sugarpie! [CNN]
• Today show weatherman Al Roker has been Googling himself on the matter of his fantastic on-air fall during Hurricane Wilma and is a tad defensive. Or maybe he's just misses eating entire sandwiches and has no choice but to blog his rage. [Al Roker]
• Making sure your Halloween costume is as gay as possible. [Manhattan Offender]
• The MTA wants to thank you, poor commuter, in some "small, insignificant way." [AP/NYDN]
• Imagine the fear of answering your phone to hear the voice of Harvey Weinstein telling you to vote for Bloomberg. That's exactly why we hate land lines. [Politicker]
• But what Lindsay Lohan really wants to do is direct. [MTV]

Today's installment in Alex Kuczynski's Thursday Styles series, The Inane Shopping Adventures of the Filthy Rich, takes her to the new Burton Snowboards store Soho. There, she was astonished — astonished — to discover that snowboarders often like to toke up.

• LA Times gets all A1 with its hipster coverage, burning your cornea with a major piece on party photographer The Cobra Snake. Bonus points for New Yorkers Joey Arak and Choire McSichapants for quotage, and to Jonny Kaps for having his name repeatedly misspelled. [LAT]
• So who's going to replace legendary King of All Media Howard Stern? Worst case scenario: Adam Carrolla or David Lee Roth. Time to buy an iPod if you haven't already. [CBS/AP]
• In other replacement news, cheap retalier has replaced Cocaine Kate Moss with Italian model Mariacarla Boscano, who we're sure has never blown a rail in her entire life. [Yahoo/AP]
• Fundamentalist Christians get laid more than you think. [NYT]
• Manhattan, meet the ViVa 'hood. That's right: The next neighborhood to try and get all "hot" is named after your budget paper towels. [Curbed]

We receive the occasional email from readers asking what's become of cracktress Natasha Lyonne, who went from semi-starlet to Michael Rappaport's worst nightmare as his drug-addled tenant. Truth is, we don't know where Natasha is — last we heard, she was detoxing in the hospital and, according to her father, she was very ill. The latest issue of Vice has further insight: