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• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline come to New York, where they take in a show, binge drink, and enjoy the city's world-renowned acrylic nail applications. [Page Six]
• At the rehearsal dinner for his wedding to Christina Aguilera, Jordan Bratman thanked his parents for his "good looks and large [cock]," as well as for raising him to be a total retard. [R&M]
• When she's not bouncing around, baring her mosquito bites, Kate Moss hits Barcelona and St. Barths. Yeah, that whole cocaine thing really destroyed her life. [Page Six]
• When asked whether she thought Nicole Richie had gotten too thin, Joan Rivers responded, "I truly don t watch any of that group of girls. I find that whole group to be such low-rent, it really doesn t interest me at all. What have they done?" [Scoop]
• We know it's a holiday week, and our brains, too, are already on mental vacation — but why is Lowdown writing about Bratz dolls? Did Brangelina buy one or something? Why is this gossip? [Lowdown]