• Lindsay Lohan admits to Vanity Fair that she's used drugs and struggled with bulimia. When we blow rails and boot our brunch, we usually go to Graydon Carter for confessional, too.
• Zeta Graff sues Paris Hilton for being a big, fat liar — but, as it turns out, her paid liar/publicist Rob Shuter might be just as bad.
• Peter Braunstein pleads not guilty to charges of sexual assault; guilty on all charges of looking incredibly frightening.
• Left befuddled by the state of the odd-amounted Metrocard, we fall victim to the strange intricacies of the card machine, only to find eventual redemption.
• Jon Stewart attempts to save the Oscars from total irrelevance.
• Dow Jones CEO Peter Kann and his wife, Wall Street Journal publisher Karen Elliot House, leave the company, but not without a handsome payoff.
• Marc Kramer is hired as CEO of the Daily News. Les who?
• Observer editor Peter Kaplan looks to save the precious pink paper with the power of Bruce Wasserstein.
• West Virginian miners die in tragic explosion; media runs inaccurate, opposite story in tragic miscommunication.
• And in more bad news: the health of Israeli PM Ariel Sharon is not looking good .
• But cheer up, because Real Simple will soon suck on a tv near you!

• Morgan Stanley boots 4 employees after they accompanied clients to a strip club. Apparently this touches on Morgan Stanley's touchy gender discrimination issues, but we find it just as offensive to assume a female staffer wouldn't want to take the high rollers to Scores. [Wall Street Folly]
• After three years of delightly offensive and brilliantly entertaining pro bono work, the Black Table throws in the towel and heads to rehab. [Black Table]
• Are they Yindies? Yupsters? Or just annoying fuckwit posers? [LA Weekly & Newsweek]
• A reasonably kind rationalization of your Life & Style habit, courtesy of Salon. [Salon]
• Slightly more pleasant than chugging glasses of Airborne. [Female First]
• Supermodel Kate Moss, always the bravest girl in Bolivia, agrees to return to London to speak with authorities about that whole cocaine thing. [Telegraph]
• Happy New Year, John Norris. You're gonna need it. [MisShapes]
• We may not LURVE New York's 101 restaurants, but we certainly wouldn't rather watch an episode of 2 and a Half Men instead. That's just crazy talk. [PDHyman]
• Club kid killer Michael Alig is baaack! [WOW]
• You can jack the price of hooch up all you want; it's not going to stop a single person from getting hammered at brunch. [Reuters]
• Get more for your money at Starbucks. [Slate]
• McSweeney's grows a precious new tentacle called Wholpin, for DVDphiles. [Cool Hunting]
• Is there any limit to the fun we can have at Tara Reid's expense? [Gallery of the Absurd]

Vanity Fair is really going for something special with its Lindsay Lohan cover story; as if her "shocking" confessions about eating disorders and drugs weren't enough, the photo spread is an over-the-top, mock-scandalous homage to famous 1950s and '60s photographs of starlets. And while a side-boob shot of Lohan may mildly excite the more pathetic amongst you, we prefer her quotes:

The spanking-new issue of Us Weekly has a fantastic piece on the diet tricks of teen starlet Lindsay Lohan. What timing — Vanity Fair has a similar article in its latest issue. So how does Lindsay stay slim?

Hey, good morning. How are you? Doing OK? Good, good. Here, let us take your coat. Grab yourself a coffee, a muffin — we've plenty. Yeah, those multiberry ones are delicious. So, got a second? Yeah? Great, take a seat, make yourself comfortable. We need to talk.

• Lindsay Lohan will be hosting a New Year's eve party in Miami. Inexpicably, tickets are only $200 per person, which is quite the bargain for an opportunity to administer speedballs to an A-lister. [IMDb]
• San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker and girlfriend Eva Longoria are pulled over by a "Mexican bike cop." [NYDN]
• While at Pace University, foodie Rachel Ray squandered her tuition money, but Page Six doesn't disclose where the money went. Booze? Hookers? Drugs? Give us something, here. [Page Six]
• Ivana Trump's Australian luxury resort is reduced to a plebeian housing project. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• It's MisShapes — the band. The music may suck, but we're sure their outfits are fantastic. [Page Six]

From this week's Publisher's Lunch deal roundup:

Kate Moss Signs New Contract [Virgin Mobile]
Putting Humor to Use in Some Reputation Rehab [NYT]

• Nick Lachey may sell his side of the divorce story to OK! magazine for $300k, complete with the help of Jamie-Lynn Sigler's ex-husband, A.J. DiScala. As if this weren't classy enough, Lachey may also be investing in megaclub Pacha. Dude's got to keep up with Jessica's post-breakup collagen, after all. [Page Six]
• FBI agents are investigating the Crazy Horse Too strip club in Vegas for racketeering and have interviewed some of the joint's biggest clients, including Robert DeNiro and George Clooney. Anything to get near Clooney, we suppose. [R&M]
• Let's put it this way: If Kate Moss's omni-addicted ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty doesn't have HIV, it's a Christmas miracle. [Page Six]
• Speaking of Christmas miracles, Naomi Campbell actually apologizes to David Bowie for getting her bitch on with Bowie's wife, Iman. [Gatecrasher]
• Nathan Lane mocks Brokeback Mountain on the Today show, and the actor's membership in the Gay Club is thus revoked. [Lowdown]
• Shirley MacLaine is no Paris Hilton. She is, however, quite the Nicole Richie. [Scoop]

Today's edition of fratty email newsletter Thrillist features the subject line "Ski in the City." Being wildly immature, we chuckled to ourselves and thought, well, that makes sense. It was only a matter of time before the Thrillist dudes, having already covered booze and easy sex in every possible context, addressed that third staple of New York nightlife. For a brief moment, we almost admired their moxie.

• The Bad Santa display on East 18th Street is exactly why Christmas in New York is so fantastic and special. Now give us a bucket of Rudolph's blood! [FishbowlNY]
• It's a female face's worst nightmare, and a lonely vagina's dream come true: the mustache is making a comeback. [NYSun]
• CBS is in the midst of casting a reality-show pilot based around the Upper West Side's York Prep school. Think Laguna Beach, but too close for comfort. [NYM]
• A gay man is arrested for punching a cop. In a pot-kettle twist, the officer's name was Fagley. [Good as You]
• Having a substitute teacher was always a free day, but it's a definite party when the sub starts cutting rails. [USAT]
• Britney Spears fans, having a bit too much time on their hands, launch DivorceKevin.com. Next, her fans will teach the popster how to use the internet. [AdRants]
• LEOTARD! FANTASTIC! The Barbie! [Social Cavity]

• Irish slutbunny Colin Farrell checks into rehab for "exhaustion" and an addiction to prescription painkillers. The pills were reportedly prescribed to him after he threw out his back, presumably from humping every chica in Miami. [Page Six]
• The fine fellow who claims to have Jenna Bush's ID after she left it in Chinatown inferno Happy Endings just happens to be a coke dealer. Bless this Bush twin for helping our local economy! [Radar]
• Are Brangelina shopping for a few architectual finds in Los Angeles? Reportedly they're looking at two homes for $10 million. [Lowdown (bottom of page)]
• But model Jenny Shimizu — who famously had a passionate tryst with Angelina Jolie — knows that not even Brad Pitt's architectural dilettantism can touch the depths of the ladies' sapphic love. [R&M]
• Madonna believes that if she were a man, she'd be president. She'd have to lose the faux-accent first, though. [Scoop]
• Proving their sense of humor to have no limits, Page Six refers to Star Jones's husband Al Reynolds as "manly." Manly like a big, thick beard. [Page Six]

Sunday afternoon we threw out our back. Did we do this the way most non-geriatrics do, in an athletic endeavor? No, we did not. Did we do it exercising? Nope. Having sex? Alas, no. So how, then? We threw out our back lifting a case of wine. Which, ultimately, seems about right.

Earlier, we asked the masses:

From today's Page Six:

Yesterday we briefly made mention of the bust of the Cartoon Network, one of New York's lovely marijuana delivery services. The Smoking Gun has pictures of the seized goods, which are predictably fresh and and amiably presented.

Today's Post carries some news that we're sure is designed to make everyone fizzy and caffeinated with excitement. It seems Coca-Cola has a new advertising slogan:

• We've no idea if this is even halfway accurate or not, but the picture at right is circulating the internets as that of recent celebrity spawn Violet Affleck. If it turns out that this is just a civilian baby, we don't care: we just wuv the cutesy-poo baby cuddle-bug. Crap, now our ovaries are twitching... [Violet Ann Affleck]
• Bad news for fans of the Cartoon Network — no, not that Cartoon Network, but the one that delivered pot to your door. Seems your delivery dude got busted. [Newsday]
• Downtown auteur love dies another death, as the rich-hipster romance of director Spike Jonze and Yeah Yeah Yeah's lead freak Karen O. ends in a miserable implosion. [Productshop NYC]
• Available at the CNN store in the Time Warner Center, it's the CNN Holy Cross Necklace. Get it for a Fox News fan you love. [Encyclopedia Hanasiana]
• Okay, fine: Here are the Jennifer Aniston topless photos. We found her GQ side-boob shot to be far more flattering. [Save Manny]
• Rapper Foxy Brown is almost completely deaf. Frankly, we always assumed most hardcore rappers were. [Starpulse]

Eventually, a truly problematic cocaine user will snort himself out of a job and be resigned to a life spent sweating and grinding within the confines of his apartment. Eschewing daylight and human contact in favor of waiting for the next delivery, it's only a matter of time before these shut-ins become bloggers, listing their favorite eight-ball distributors like music geeks list their favorite albums:

• Jessica Simpson's assistant CaCee may have been pushing rumors about Simpson cheating on husband Nick Lachey, and now Nicole Kidman's sister Antonia may have slipped to the press about Kidman's rumored engagement to singer Keith Urban. You just can't trust a bitch these days. [Scoop (2nd item)]
• Why we're glad we don't work at Page Six: Paris Hilton personally calls the column to clarify that her ex-fiancé Paris Latsis merely enjoyed a single tequila shot with the heiress and her current beau, Stavros Niarchos. The thought of hearing that abnormally deep voice on the phone gives us chills. [Page Six]
• Gotham magazine cover girl Natasha Richardson hates publisher Jason Binn's penchant for forced photo-ops at his parties. You and the rest of the world, darling. [Lowdown]
• The strap on model Naomi Campbell's dress breaks but is quickly repaired, much to the disappointment of those hoping for a nip slip — including Andre Leon Talley, according to Rush & Molloy. Somehow, we don't think the Vogue queen was too interested. [R&M (3rd item)]
• To clarify rumors from yore, jittery actress Brittany Murphy dumped her manager, not the other way around, nor does she do smack and fuck the help. [Page Six]