A cast member of The Hills has a checkered, druggie past! Oh, wait. It's someone no one cares about. Stephanie Pratt, sister of mustache-curling puppet master Spencer, was one of those meth heads or tweekers or whatever you're calling them these days. Her family shipped her off to all-too-famous Promises in Pasadena, and now she's clean and sober and, after lots of procedures, mostly free of face-picking scars. Oh, and in The Hills she's found a new, safer (we think) way of demeaning herself! [LA Rag Mag]

When park-cruising meth-head CNN correspondent Richard Quest wasn't busy with rope tricks, he was pouring forth more innuendo-laden quotes on his globetrotting assignments. Here, Quest makes Anderson Cooper, the third most powerful gay man in America, break out into an embarrassed fit of giggles with his salutation: "As Dame Helen Mirren famously said when she picked up her Oscar: I give you...the Queen!" Cheerio, indeed!

When Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon, she falls hard. So hard, in fact, that she spent this past weekend traipsing around New York in what appears to be a long and eventful whopper of a bender. As we reported yesterday, Lindsay spent her Saturday night downing Grey Goose with new roomie Samantha Ronson before promptly (and nostalgically) passing out in a car. But today's NY Post informs us that the night before was far more eventful. Tagging along with Ronson to the Beatrice Inn on Friday night for one of the chain-smoking DJ's gigs, whatever mysterious substances were floating through Lohan's system manifested into a screaming match directed towards teeny tiny Ashley Olsen:

American dogs, like American people, are turning into a bunch of dumpy, couch-ridden fatties. But the pharmaceutical industry is rushing to the rescue! Slentrol, a diet drug for dogs, recently launched a new ad campaign [NYS] to convince guilty dog owners that what their mutt needs is chemicals, not a stick thrown a long way, over and over. Furthermore, some stern doggie personal trainers are warning about the dangers of "the wrong kind of exercise"—specifically, "uncontrolled play." Give those dogs a structured exercise program and diet drugs at once, foolish yuppies!

Would the downtown Manhattan nightspot Beatrice Inn like to shed its reputation as a coke den where insiders say that two of the Six Rules For Getting Laid are to flout the rules, then flout the rules some more? There should certainly be no rule-flouting in the presence of these small paper signs warning against sex and drugs, which are posted in the bathrooms, where they can do the most good. Of course, they might make an exception for Josh Hartnett and friends.

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As we learned recently, SNL's Chris Farley was far from coddled or loved during his final years by fellow cast members. And now, a new biography on Chris Farley titled The Chris Farley Show will divulge more depressing tales from friends of Farley and how exactly they went about attempting to help the struggling addict get better (hint: they didn't). From former co-stars dishing on his desperate attempts to be loved using prostitutes to anecdotes involving his habit of licking everything from his shoelaces to his wallet, one revelation made by Chris Rock stands out:

Which is funnier: hippie college kids engaging in a weed smoking festival, or the local paper trying to cover that event in respectable language? You decide! In honor of 4/20, 10,000 kids at the University of Colorado hit the quad for a massive smoke-out, and the Boulder Daily Camera was on the scene to record all the magical high-ass quotes that spilled forth from the participants. Here is just one, from freshman Emily Benson: "We're at the starting point of a movement," she said. "This is a big part of the reason I applied here — for the weed atmosphere." Ha, yes you did! And there are so many more:

Hearing that Lindsay Lohan has fallen off the wagon before her one-year anniversary as a sober young lady is far less surprising than the venue in which she decided to publicly rebel against her new good girl image this past weekend: the Hawaiian Tropic tourist trap in Manhattan's Times Square. But apparently, after trying so hard to avoid temptations, banning bad influences from her life and even signing up for (albeit questionable acting roles), all the female shimmy-shaking and bar wenches must have inspired her to let loose. And speaking of bosom buddies, People is reporting that Lohan spent the Scores-like evening alongside none other than helpful healer/new roommate Sam Ronson:

So how are you celebrating 4/20? Why not catch a screening of comedian Doug Benson's stoner documentary Super High Me, in which the funny man spends a month zonked out of his gord? 1350 screenings have been set up for today. Click here to find one near you! A trailer for the flick, which features a few celebrity cameos, after the jump. [via The Comic's Comic]

Using the trash can drug meth makes a person mighty paranoid. So it was probably fear of having his genitals stolen that moved CNN talker Brian Quest (who is British) to attach them to his neck with a rope sometime before he was busted for possession in Central Park Friday night. But that still doesn't explain the dildo he had stuffed in his boot like a Derringer.

Tomorrow is 4/20, when dirty hippies, stoners, burnouts, and all of my friends celebrate their precious, precious weed. But how much do you really know about this deadly commie herb? Did you know that in 19th century Nepal it was harvested by naked dudes running through the flowering fields until they were all sticky and then they'd have the goo scraped from their naked nakedness to make hash? Well, did you?!

Richard Quest, the most unpleasant "funny" on-air CNN correspondent EVER, was arrested this morning (like last night "this morning") outside Central Park for violating park curfew. As they arrested him he said to the cops, presumably with his trademark "hilariously" over-emphasized British accent, "I have meth in my pocket." Not the best line maybe? Quest, host of CNN Business Traveler, is openly gay, btw, which is maybe why he was hanging around the park at 3:40 a.m. with meth in his pocket. CNN had no comment. (After the jump, a truly odd clip of Quest interviewing Ritchie Blackmore.) [NYT]

Though we certainly feel pangs of sorrow for the impossible-not-to-adore Robert Downey Jr. whenever we read the latest interview with him unloading his thoughts on what it was like to be a druggie, we're wondering if it's possible to publish a story about the guy without it feeling like a public therapy session. As he begins his inevitably long and high-profile series of appearances in the press to push Iron Man, he sat down with normally family-friendly Parade to chat not really about the role or the movie, but about his battle with drugs yet again. But this time, he's dishing on the mythic seven-year relationship he had with multi-tasking celebrity Sarah Jessica Parker:

Let's play word association for a moment. When you think of Amy Winehouse, what other fun images come to mind? Needles, empty bottles of gin, trash-strewn apartments, maybe? If you're in a particularly imaginative mood, perhaps stashes of white powder hidden in sweaters? Us too. But among the drug paraphernalia and gravity-defying hairdos we normally associate with the troubled songstress, cute chubby-cheeked babies do not spring into our heads. Putting Amy in the same room as an infant doesn't seem like the wisest of moves, but the Brits like to live dangerously. And as this picture shows, they just don't see any harm in letting the music industry's most notorious addict down shots while singing drunken lullabies to their newborns.

Basket-O-problems Amy Winehouse has a brand new and, probably fun-to-watch, addiction. When not delivering valuables to her jailed husband to trade for drugs, the druggy singer irons things. Every thing. "The troubled star, 24, has been ironing everything she can get her hands on-even towels, sheets and scarves. A source said: 'She has become absolutely obsessed with ironing things... She's a very obsessive person and has always been addicted to something. We've had cannabis, cocaine, crack, heroin and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil. All the others have been rather more destructive, apart from knitting, which she has also had an on/off love affair with. But ironing is definitely her new favorite.'" [Showbiz Spy]

We weren't the only ones disturbed by that scratchy and highly controversial video showing Heath Ledger at a cocaine-filled party that emerged days after his untimely death. And now, an ex-girlfriend of one of the photographers present at the party is suing her ex's paparazzi agency under the alias "Jane Doe" for setting up the actor in an attempt to secretly tape him using drugs:

Nature magazine polled their readers on their use of "cognition-enhancing drugs," such as Adderall, that great booster of the chattering classes. Oh, let's just call them by their street names: Speed, people. Uppers. Bennies. Blues. Results of the poll? Readers are for them! Twenty percent have taken neuroenhancers like Ritalin, Adderall, or Provogil, seeing them as a perfectly acceptable way to focus and "stimulate concentration or memory." More proof that the modern world has shot our attention spans to hell.

While we haven't been avid listeners of Howard Stern since he made the switch to Sirius a few years back (call us crazy or even cheap, but we're morally opposed to paying for radio), we still follow the show pretty closely. And as anyone who has been paying attention knows, Stern sidekick Artie Lange has been on a self-destructive streak for the better part of the last nine or so months. His weight has been ballooning, his already prolific drug habit has only gotten worse and his on-air behavior has become more erratic than ever before. However, things reached Defcon 6 levels on today's show when Artie flew into a rage, got into a physical confrontation with his personal assistant and abruptly (and from the sounds of it, tearily) resigned from the show. Audio of the incident follows after the jump.

It's really a shame that the storylines we see on The Hills aren't as "real" as MTV claims they are, since the blonde cast's off-screen lives seem far more colorful than what we see on the show. This season we've trudged through (yawn) yet another ongoing catfight between Heidi and Lauren, and barely kept our eyes open while slowest speaker in the world Whitney learns how to cope with a new job. But rumors surfacing today involving real-life catfights between Lauren and roomie Audrina, plus not-so-blind items suggesting the entire cast is fed drugs by producers, make us wish this "unscripted" drama would throw out the scripts already.