American dogs, like American people, are turning into a bunch of dumpy, couch-ridden fatties. But the pharmaceutical industry is rushing to the rescue! Slentrol, a diet drug for dogs, recently launched a new ad campaign [NYS] to convince guilty dog owners that what their mutt needs is chemicals, not a stick thrown a long way, over and over. Furthermore, some stern doggie personal trainers are warning about the dangers of "the wrong kind of exercise"—specifically, "uncontrolled play." Give those dogs a structured exercise program and diet drugs at once, foolish yuppies!

"What I tell every single owner is that the key to rehab and longevity is the right kind of exercise," the founder of a wellness and weight loss clinic for dogs, Jessica Waldman, said. "The wrong kind of exercise is uncontrolled play."

Fetching and frolicking — that kind of uncontrolled play? Isn't that exactly what most dogs need more of? "Oh no. No, no," Ms. Waldman, a vet, said. She has her canine clients running obstacle courses and jogging on an underwater treadmill. And then there's pooch Pilates — formerly known as "begging."

"When you teach a dog to beg, meaning you ask them to sit up, that's core abdominals," Ms. Waldman said. To further strengthen and tone, "We teach them how to go into sort of a 'down dog,' where their head is down toward the ground but their rear legs are up high."

Hopefully, she will be eaten by hungry dogs. Below is a video news release for Slentrol featuring one chubby pooch. Better diet idea: feed your dog less crap.