Kids, from the mouth of the guy who once got so high he set himself on fire, these are just some examples of why you shouldn't do drugs. Or go anywhere near elephants.

The manhunt continues for Christopher "Dudus" Coke in Jamaica, where at least 73 people have been killed in gun battles between security forces and Coke's "Shower Posse" since last weekend. Coke's brother is out on bail in Manhattan awaiting trial.

E. coli-infested food! Metal-infested drugs! Fancy-infected doctors! Whooping-infested coughs! Harlem-infested hospitals! And liver-infested poop! It's your lifesaving Health Watch, where we watch your health—while infested with wisdom!

Oil leaks, terror attacks, earthquakes, volcanic ash: It's no wonder you're feeling antsy, can't sleep, and every time a loud bang goes off your heart starts racing. We asked two psychiatrists which drugs to take best ease the psychic pain.

Colombian beauty queen Angie Sanclamente Valencia was arrested in today Argentina for running a smuggling ring wherein she recruited other models to deliver drugs via commercial flights. The Argentine press dubbed her "Narco Queen." And, well, boobs, drugs, etc.[BBC]

Discussion quickly went from movies to drug trafficking during Craig Ferguson's show last night. Craig had lots of questions about the practice that guest Judd Apatow was more than qualified to answer.

On a Metafilter thread about the outpouring of online revulsion against former ABC staffer Mimi Gurbst, a great blind item comment appeared. Which media gossip mogul is allegedly a drug-using sexual harasser (and more)? UPDATE: TMZ denial below.

Over 60 people have died in gun battles between supporters of drug lord Christopher "Dudus" Coke and Jamaican security forces. The has US demanded Coke's extradition, but authorities still can't find him. Meanwhile, Fox News is concerned about tourism. [Telegraph]

The SEC's not the only government agency that parties hard: employees of the Minerals Management Service smoked meth, watched porn, and took gifts from the industry they were supposed to be regulating—the offshore drillers! SEC guys are pussies! [AP]

Security forces stormed drug lord Christopher "Dudus" Coke's hideout in Kingston today as violence spreads, with the BBC reporting at least one solider dead and "bodies lying in the streets." The US wants him extradited on drug and weapons charges.

Everyone, freak out: New, ultra-potent heroin is so pure, it can kill you "instantly."

Flibanserin, the real live, no joke "Female Viagra" that makes the ladies want to get down and rock it 'til the morning light...what were saying? Ah yes, the FDA is studying it! Its dynamite sexual effectiveness will astound you.

Project Prevention is a US group that aims, according to their website, "to reduce the number of substance exposed births to zero." Three of its members stopped a woman in Scotland and offered her cash if she'd get sterilized.

According to local news reports members of the Zeta drug cartel patrol the Mexican half of Lake Falcon, a lake that crosses the border between Texas and Mexico, in boats. They wield assault weapons and steal money and electronics.

Here's a lesson in what not to do when you're skipping the court date that will decide whether you go to jail for violating probation: Pose beside a tray of cocaine, at a no-pants party in Cannes. LiLo did it.

Juliana Farrait-Rodriguez, the 70-year-old ex-wife of Frank Lucas—Denzel Washington's character in American Gangster—was arrested in Puerto Rico while trying sell two kilos of coke. Good for her, getting out and traveling like that, at her age. [NYDN]

Earlier this month, customs officials at JFK arrested Robert Lopera when he arrived from Colombia on an Avianca flight with an enormous load of candies and nuts. Inside the treats were another sort of delicacy: Cocaine. A lot of cocaine.

"There has been an entire strata of restaurants created by chefs to feed other chefs. These are restaurants created specially for the tastes of the slightly stoned, slightly drunk chef after work." —Anthony Bourdain to the Times [image via]

Almost 24,000 people have died in Mexico's drug war since 2006, nearly five times the number of US troop deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan. An NPR investigation suggests that the Mexican government is helping one cartel rule Ciudad Juarez.

There's a worldwide shortage of "thiopental sodium," the drug used to carry out lethal injections.