Under the headline "Women flock to take horse-semen shots," we learn from The Dominion Post that "apple-infused" horse jizz, or Hoihoi tatea, is "like custard" and is a hot item at a New Zealand restaurant called Green Man Pub. The horse semen, for which the restaurant pays $300 (NZ) for 20 vials, is part of a meal of Asian duck and spring rolls that the restaurant is entering into Monteith's Beer & Wild Food Challenge.

Freedom fries and foreign beer for everyone: in 2010—for the first time ever, according to some dubious industry association that may or may not be trustworthy—the USA consumed more wine than the hated French. Sure, big party.

There are already many good reasons to drink alcohol, but we won't begrudge science for coming up with another: Seniors over 75 who have about a drink a day are significantly less likely to develop dementia or Alzheimer's disease.

Beyond happiness! Dangerous hospitals! Depressed moms! Tinnitus findings! Morgellon's disease! Skin cancer! Binge drinking! Horse herpes! And coffee men for good prostate love! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—creepily!

It's prom season! That means it's time for news stories fretting over how wasted kids will get on prom night, before getting behind the wheel of a car, to wreck it, while being fellated, by your daughter, who was drunk.

A congressional staff member sent us this snapshot from outside Rep. Sam Graves' (R - Mo.) office, taken around 10:15 p.m. as Congress wrapped up the final budget compromise. Note that we are not—absolutely not!—implying that Republican staffers were drunk during the up-to-the-wire negotiations! Just reckless and crazy and dangerously ignorant. Okay, and maybe a little drunk. Here's the full-sized photo; we've got an email with with Rep. Graves' office and will let you know if we hear back. (Hey! At least they're recycling, right?)

First, Starbucks started serving up wine. Beer counters were installed in Duane Reades. Now, fellow New York City neighborhood gentrification staple Whole Foods is also installing bars inside its stores. What gives, nillas?

Paz de la Huerta—26-year-old Boardwalk Empire star and oft-nude, perma-boozed lipstick enthusiast—was arrested last night for beating up Samantha Swetra, a cast member from MTV's The City. According to Gatecrasher, a drunken Paz staggered over to Samantha's table at the Standard Hotel last night:

The World Health Organization just released a report about global alcohol consumption. Conclusion: Our planet is wasted!

Kids these days! Getting smashed is no longer the "cool" thing to do among American collegians—college binge drinking rates (at Purdue, admittedly) have fallen from 48% to 37% in only three years! What are our young people doing rather than downing Colt 45 at racist fraternity sex parties? According to the Wall Street Journal—known as the beating pulse of life on campus—they're doing the following:

The journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research concludes in a new study that eight percent of sports fans get legally drunk at games, and pre-game tailgating is the biggest contributing factor. No shit. Really? Who pays for these studies?

A Latin American booze distributor now sells "dram in a can," 12 ounces of whiskey in one vessel. That's eight shots, so they're marketing it as "the perfect size to be shared between three people." Scottish whiskey makers are outraged.

Two men arrested for drunkenly riding a horse and a mule in downtown Austin, Texas, won't be charged with DWI.

In this trailer for Jerkoff 3D, fratboy hero Tucker Max hits a bar in Anchorage, Alaska for some good old fashioned white dude raging. He also pays another man $200 so he can spray his butthole with bear mace.

A new study published in the American Journal of Health Promotion found that people who drink heavily tend to exercise more than people who drink moderately. Our own studies have proven this completely false. Unless using SeamlessWeb counts as exercise.

Fat babies! European fake cigarettes! Brain-blaming! Japan-tic Chantix antics! Yoga boozing! Cancer tests! Druggy weight loss drugs! And dumb god anger! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—while ordering toddlers to assume the push-up position!

The fearsome news Voltron that is the Daily News Beastweek has compiled a list of the 40 Drunkest Cities in the US, using the average number of drinks consumed per person in a month. So how did your city fare?

The new must-have "ultimate accessory," for ladies: fruity booze, disguised as perfume. "Our point is not drink a lot to be glamorous - it's drink responsibly and in moderation and just be glamorous over all." Ohh, okay. [NYT]

"Experts" have weighed in on the dangers of drinking too much during the holidays, and guess what? It's supposedly really bad for you, and could even increase the risk of cancer. But you can avoid this fate!

Wait a second — pounding booze doesn't fight off hypothermia?