Paramount's late December acquisition of DreamWorks is truly the gift that keeps on giving, as 44 more newly redundant employees will be officially pinkslipped this Friday. We pause to remember the fallen by sharing today's oddly poignant (well, maybe just to us) e-mail blast announcing the imminent folding of the DW publicity department:
· Pity TV development executives, whose summer vacation plans are ruined by the current shift to year-round programming. [Variety]
· The festivities in honor of Paramount's We're Number Two! Week continue, as THR hoists once-embattled studio president Gail Berman on its shoulders and parades her around the Melrose lot to celebrate Nacho Libre's strong second-place opening. [THR]
· Today's opening of Click should serve as the John the Baptist for the twin blockbuster Christs that will deliver Hollywood unto summer box office salvation, Superman Returns and Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. [Variety]
· THR's Up With Female Studio Execs Day also features a fine piece on how Stacey Snider is doing in her new gig at DreamWorks. [THR]
· New Line unambiguously declares its desire to be in the "rakish-but-charming bachelor finally opens up his heart and meets the woman of his dreams" business, signing up Matthew McConaughey's production company to a development deal and working to insert the actor into two of its pre-existing comedy vehicles. [Variety]
At Tuesday's annual DreamWorks Animation benefit for the Glendale Public Library's Children's Room, no one was surprised when enthusiastic CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg captured his second consecutive wet t-shirt contest title. While no employee was brave enough to publicly accuse the boss of bribing his way to victory, several also-rans from the competition could be heard cattily whispering a little too loudly that "He's not even that hot," and "I heard from his assistant that his breasts are real—real expensive!"
· Apple is in negotiations with major studios to move iTunes into film, but the studios don't like Apple's plans to sell all movies for $9.99, wanting to maintain their ability to price "popular content" higher than run-of-the-mill, back-catalogue "crap." [Variety]
· Inside a recent pitch meeting at DreamWorks: "OK, think Groundhog's Day, but with Valentine's Day instead." "Sort of like Groundhog's Day, or exactly like Groundhog's Day?" "Exactly like it." "Sold!" [THR]
· Even World Cup soccer can't dampen the foreign moviegoer's appetite for boring blasphemy, as Da Vinci Code wins its fifth straight weekend at the international box office. [Variety]
· Game 5 of the NBA Finals leads ABC to victory over NBC's and its latest summertime schedule spackle, Treasure Hunters. (Go team Busty Grad Students!) [THR]
· Netflix reveals plans for a subscription-based film downloading box, which would help it compete with cable companies' VOD offerings as well as frustrate all but the most devious of movie-pilfering mail carriers. [Variety]
Even with all the hand-wringing about M:i:III's disappointing $48 million opening, it's a little too high a box office total for us to track every person who turned out for it this weekend. Still, we feel compelled to pass along this reader report about a notable moviegoer paying his respects:
· A bright red "breaking story" tag lets us know that we're supposed to care about this more than other news right now: The Beatles (Apple Corps) have lost their trademark case against Apple Computers, but plan to appeal. You can continue to indulge your iTunes addiction without interruption. [Variety]
· Benicio Del Toro is onboard and Halle Berry is in "negotiations" to join him in the highly buzzed about DreamWorks project Things We Lost in the Fire, about a recent widow who invites her dead husband's "troubled best friend" to live with her. We suspect that sweaty, troubled-best-friend-sex will be crucial to the grieving process. [THR]
· All is not lost for M:i:III, which takes in $70.3 million abroad. South Koreans seem especially excited for Tom Cruise's return to blockbusterdom. [Variety]
· TiVo is launching a service which will allow its users to search for and watch "extended commercials" from one minute to one hour in length. Meanwhile, they're perfecting technology that will summon a representative from one of their featured advertisers to a viewer's home with a single button press, where the rep will kick the targeted consumer in the genitals while shouting their product's jingle through a megaphone. [THR]
· News to us: M:i:III wasn't the only movie screening at last week's Tribeca Film Festival. [Variety]
· Stacey Snider gets her feet wet at her new DreamWorks gig by acquiring the rights to the French comedy The Valet for the Farrelly Brothers to remake, an act of unoriginality clearly meant to upstage Paramount boss Brad Grey's own lack of vision. [Variety]
· At the National Association of Broadcasters' Digital Cinema Summit, director/evangelist James Cameron says digital 3D projection will save cinema, getting "people off their butts and away from their portable devices and...back in the theaters where they belong." Somehow we don't think the ability to see The Benchwarmers in three dimensions is going to solve Hollywood's problems. [THR]
· Forbes magazine's media executive salary survey reveals that Tom Freston, Les Moonves, Bob Iger, and Rupert Murdoch have way too much fucking money. [Variety]
· Wherever possible, the eco-friendly entertainment industry makes sure its garbage is dumped into theaters, not landfills. [THR]
· A strike by Commie-leaning French unions might disrupt the Hollywood-led capitalist orgy at the Cannes film festival, but in the end, things will probably work out, with the only rioting being conducted by Tom Hanks hair purists angry about the actor's ridiculous Da Vinci Code mullet. [Variety]
The faceless multimedia conglomerates behind your favorite movie factories are on edge about an SEC proposal that would require that they disclose the staggering amount of money that they pay out to to their stars and studio heads, as they prefer to keep shareholders blissfully ignorant of, say, how many millions Viacom will really hand over to Tom Cruise to save Paramount's summer with M:i:III. Variety details other reasons why the studios don't want their paychecks on the record:
· 20th Century Fox TV takes all of the suspense out of the next few seasons of 24, virtually guaranteeing that Jack Bauer will survive a host of close shaves by signing up Kiefer Sutherland to a three-year, eight-figure deal. Sutherland will also get a shingle on the Fox lot with the deal, tentatively named I Am Only Beheading This Guy For The Good Of The Country Productions. [Variety]
· ABC further probes the possibilities of internet delivery by posting episodes of Lost, Desperate Housewives, and others on their website the day after they originally air. Advertising fans annoyed by a DVR's fast-forwarding features will be thrilled to discover that online viewers will have to sit through unskippable commercials. [THR/Reuters]
· In perhaps the most inevitable syndication deal of all time, Lifetime has bought the basic-cable rights to rerun episodes of Desperate Housewives. [Variety]
· Will Arnett quickly moves on from Arrested Development's death, selling a pitch to DreamWorks and Paramount about a "former U.S. vice president's privileged son, who is assigned an ambassadorship in Europe, where he quickly becomes the quintessential ugly American." For now The Ambassador seems to have one the title coin-flip over The Ugly American. [THR]
· Has it really taken Hollywood an entire year after her death to buy the rights that would allow someone to make a TV movie about the Terri Schiavo story? This place is really slipping. [Variety]
· Fox picks up the reality competition show On the Lot from Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, in which undiscovered filmmakers will compete in an Apprentice/American Idol-style competition for a development deal with DreamWorks. Unfortunately, Spielberg won't be a Trump- or Cowell-like presence on the show, robbing us the joy of watching him fumble through badly written narration or berating the contestant's work. Perhaps a better idea for a Spielberg reality vehicle would've been a Survivor-inspired series in which the director votes hacks like Michael Bay out of Hollywood. [Variety]
· George Lopez joins the cast of ping pong comedy Balls of Fury, drastically lowering any excitement we might have felt about the project. [THR]
· The British courts rule in favor of Dan Brown in the Da Vinci Code copyright infringement case, allowing millions to throw money at Ron Howard's big-screen interpretation this summer without fretting that the source material was misappropriated from another work. [Variety]
· Potential box office disasters The Benchwarmers and Take the Lead shouldn't even bother opening against CGI talking-animal juggernaut Ice Age: The Meltdown this weekend. [THR]
· Good news, bad news department: Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick will star in New Regency's
"neighbors in a fight over Christmas decorations" comedy All Lit Up, but the Big Momma's House 2 team is still writing and directing it.. [Variety]
Today's LAT reports that game of contractual chicken between jilted Universal, who still had another 10 months or so left on former studio head Stacey Snider's deal, and Paramount, who recently hired her away to run newly acquired DreamWorks, may be ending today:
Industry watchers critical of Paramount emperor Brad Grey's early moves and who feared that the new chief had no plan beyond "1. Buy another studio. 2. Fire people. 3. Repeat as necessary." will be pleasantly surprised by the "Blueprint for Grey's Paramount" released today via the studio's internal newsletter, which lists six "collective goals" for his fledgling empire. Finally, his own manifesto! But before we get to The Blueprint, we'd like to point out what Grey feels is the truly crucial part of working in this crazy business:
In perhaps the least surprising development in the continuing story of Paramount's shakeup, Stacey Snider might be sprung from her Universal contract and working at DreamWorks in as little as a few weeks. We hope she gets back her security deposit for the 10-month vacation she'd been planning. [THR]
Will Smith will star in the feature adaptation of the TV series It Takes a Thief for Universal, in which he will play "a charming rogue who is blackmailed by the government into doing covert larceny for the good of his country." After stretching to kiss a fat man in Hitch, it's nice to see that Smith continues to challenge himself with different kinds of charming roles. [Variety]
Variety analyzes the closing of theatrical windows, which dropped 11% for films that grossed over $50 million in 2005. Bored yet? You shouldn't be—the closing of the theatrical window foreshadows an entertainment industry apocalypse that will once again plunge us into the days of communal cave painting viewing. Cave paintings directed by Brett Ratner. Yeah, now you're listening. [Variety]
· Big Love drops about 1.2 million viewers between its premiere and this week's episode, and isn't holding its Sopranos lead-in audience well. How many more times does Bill Paxton have to show his ass to please you people? Don't make the man resort to full frontal. [THR]
Mid-seasons The Unit, The New Adventures of Old Christine, American Inventor and Deal or No Deal (for our money, the stupidest show on television, yet we've now watched it twice, powerless against the spectacle of people yelling at briefcases held by supermodels) are scoring well for their respective networks. [Variety]
As expected, Paramount has sold the DreamWorks film library to a group headed by billionaire George Soros for $900 million, thus greatly defraying the cost of Paramount emperor Brad Grey's early Christmas gift to himself. We can't be bothered to read the press release announcing the boring details of the sale, but because we're committed to recreating the experience of being employed by Viacom for our readers, we're happy to pass along CEO Tom Freston's internal e-mail about the deal. It's just like being on the Melrose lot and wondering if there's any way your coroporate overlords can transition seemingly good news into a fresh round of layoffs!
Forbes has released its annual list of the world's billionaires, and while we can't really be bothered to care about the net worth of foreign industrialists or computer geeks, we find it pretty interesting to see some numbers attached to the money hordes DreamWorks founders David Geffen (#140 on the list) and Steven Spielberg (#245). As Forbes' charts clearly demonstrate (we Photoshopped a little clarification on to the somewhat inscrutable rings-around-the-ten-figure-phallus chart, where the lower the red ring, the greater fortune—get it? Neither do we, really.), Spielberg is only the second-richest billionaire at DW, a humiliating fact with which Geffen cruelly taunts the much poorer director during the monthly money-burning parties at his Malibu compound.
· David Cross will executive produce seven episodes of the animated Freak Show for Comedy Central. Though we have no idea whether or not this has any impact on those Arrested Development rumors, feel free to interpret in any fashion that makes you feel good. [Variety]
More pilot news than you can shake a midseason order at: Julia Ormond in CBS drama The Way, Bradley Whitford, Sarah Paulson and Timothy Busfield in NBC's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, William Baldwin and Joe Pantoliano in CBS drama Waterfront, and CW picks up a second drama, the high school Sliding Doors-esque series Split Decision. [THR]
· Digital platforms are providing promising revenue streams for media companies, who are more than happy to find new and exciting ways to screw writers, directors, and actors out of residuals. [Variety]
Warner Bros. picks up the prison drama Kite for Leonardo DiCaprio's Appian Way, which may serve as a starring vehicle for the actor should he decide to play the prettiest fish in the whole penal system. [THR]
"Dear Investors, Viacom is very, very close to finally selling the DreamWorks library for a very, very large sum of money! No, for real this time! Love, Tom Freston." [Variety]
Based on this morning's published reports about Stacey Snider's choice to leave Universal to become co-chair of DreamWorks, we think we have a pretty good idea of how Snider spent her agonizing weekend mulling the career decision demanded by Uni boss Ron Meyer before Monday. After a reflective, barefoot stroll on the beach in an oversized "Property of Universal Pictures" sweatshirt and much meaningful staring into the placid ocean, Snider returned home to sit in front of her vanity, alternating her gaze between the soft-focus picture of current beau Meyer tacked to her mirror and a gaudily framed photo of brawny Paramount emperor Brad Grey and DreamWorks hunk Steven Spielberg showing off their varsity football jackets, her wistful sighs occasionally drowning out the ticks of the noisy grandfather clock counting off the seconds until the arrival of her deadline. Then, of course, the cell phone rang and her lawyer let her know that Paramount played ball on her salary (apparently still a pay cut, but a reported $2.5-3 million base is nothing to sneeze at), and all barriers to leaping into Spielberg's big, strong arms were suddenly gone. Reports the LAT:
SniderWatch Update: Will Stacey Snider stay at Universal or leave to head DreamWorks? Var says that the "situation is expected to be resolved soon, possibly before next week," which gives Brad Grey only about two days to draw up a list of people to lay off in celebration of Snider's arrival if she signs on. [Variety]
Chris Weitz will adapt Neil Strauss' book about pickup artists, The Game, for Columbia. If you don't know what "neg" or "FMAC" mean, you're just another AFC. OK, fine. We read the damn book and wound up getting drinks thrown in our face for using two-year-old techniques, and we're a little bitter. [THR]
WGA interim president David Young fires longtime spokeswoman Cheryl Rhoden, who then released the following statement (really): "I love writers. For going on 20 years, it has been my honor to work on their behalf. For myself, I'm going to take some time off to smell the horses." We fear that this some kind of secret code signalling other spokespeople to rise up and burn down the WGA headquarters in retaliation. All Guild employees should be on alert through the end of business today. [Variety]
· A judge delays a decision that would shut down BlackBerry service, putting off the armageddon that a sudden portable e-mail blackout would inflict on the entertainment industry. [THR]
VH-1 is forming a metal band with washed-up rockers like Ted Nugent and Sebastian Bach for SuperGroup, a show that sounds like such a trainwreck that it'll be in our TiVo wishlist before we finish typing this sentence. If they really want our undying love, they'll bring back Bands on the Run. [Variety]
Today's LAT reports that Universal chair Stacey Snider, whose contract with the studio expires at the end of the year, has told boss Ron Meyer that she wants to play the field before possibly re-committing to him, and has given her lawyers the go-ahead to chat with Paramount about a new job. According to the Times, however, the job in question is not embattled, slow-starting president Gail Berman's (as pretty much everyone in the entertainment industry has been whispering for weeks now), but one to run DreamWorks. Paramount Emperor Brad Grey wouldn't discuss whether or not he's hot for Snider, but publicly defended Berman's job security:
