Television character Donald Trump, as expected, has ended his fake consideration of the presidency just as his program the Celebrity Apprentice is winding down for the spring — and getting renewed for another season, as it was this morning.

Guess whose turn it is now to accept a fat welfare check from the world of conservative publishing imprints? It's Donald Trump's turn, naturally! The skinny-mouthed death hologram has signed on with Regnery Publishing — the folks behind bestsellers from Michelle Malkin, David Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, and whoever else sucks — for a "policy book," to be written on a crash schedule and released late this summer.

Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP garden plan raises eyebrows. Leo and Bar Rafaeli break up. Lindsay Lohan's probation report says she was secretly drunk this whole time. Thursday gossip catches Miley Cyrus' attention.

Donald Trump let Rolling Stone in on his hair routine: "OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour."

Boorish heretical flap-jaw Donald Trump was regularly leading Republican presidential polls about this time last month, mostly by juicing up the birther segment of the GOP electorate.

Donald Trump wants to clarify that he's "the least racist person there is." In fact, he says, he's so not-racist that Randal Pinkett, who is black, "won on The Apprentice a little while ago, a couple years ago, and Randal's been outstanding in every way."

On the night Republican presidential contenders duked it out in South Carolina, Jon Stewart opened The Daily Show with a segment about Sarah Palin and Donald Trump, two potential GOP candidates who didn't take part in the debate. So what are "the Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr of the Republican field" up to? Stewart explains.

Groupon was finished with receding political footnote Donald Trump, and so the online coupon site pulled its advertising from The Apprentice website a few days ago. By yesterday, though, the two were back in bed together thanks to a coupon.

Last night, Anna Wintour's charity boondoggle, the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, brought out the brightest in the fashion world and tons of celebrities wearing their couture finest. But it wasn't easy walking that red carpet.

This leading man is totally bald and has a whole room for his hair pieces. This actress has a potty mouth. This designer is pissed he didn't design the royal wedding dress. And this star is barely in the closet. The only wig he wears is his beard!

In the wake of any gigantic news story, like the death of Osama bin Laden, there are a million other little news stories that don't get nearly enough attention, starve to death, and then wash up on shore with all the other forgotten driftwood. Here are some that got screwed today.

It's perfectly understandable for the news media to divert its attention to the killing of Osama bin Laden for a little while. You kind of have to cover it, at least perfunctorily. But we must not let it distract us from the important issues facing the country. Is any reporter even jotting down whatever nutty stuff Donald Trump has to say today?

Donald Trump recently said that he has "a great relationship with the blacks." Yesterday, CNN's Don Lemon asked Trump about his word choice, to which Trump responded in typical racist-white-man-on-the-defensive fashion:

Prince Harry censors his "risque anecdotes." Emma Roberts is pursued by two men at the same party. Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are, metaphorically, sittin' in a tree. Gossipmongers of the world, unite: It's May Day gossip.

The White House Correspondents' Dinner is a loathsome affair, a sweaty, boozy monument to venality and the contemptible power-worship of Washington journalists. But it's got LOLs! Oh, the LOLs. And—like last year—Obama provided plenty. Here are some highlights.

Today we heard about a profanity-laden tirade issued by our future president, Donald Trump. Man this guy is always flapping that orange mouth of his. What he needs is a simple credo, a short one-sentence motto or philosophy to sum himself up so he can stop talking so much. Luckily one commenter provided that for us.

Washington D.C. will be in full "why the country hates us" mode this weekend, as reporters and pundits gather to mingle inappropriately with the politicians and operatives they cover at tomorrow's annual White House Correspondents Dinner. The black-tie affair seems to attract more Hollywood celebrities with each passing year, usually in the form of guests for major D.C. publications. And who has the Washington Post, our capital's mightiest fishwrapper, invited this year? America's cartoon slime monster, Donald Trump.

Are you sick of hearing about reality TV shock jock Donald Trump? Same here! But you've gotta like a little pointless swearing, and that's exactly what Trump did last night when his cross country shit show landed in Las Vegas, fresh off his triumph over Barack Obama. Speaking to about 1,000 Republicans, he waded deep into American foreign policy issues.

Comb-forwarded reality TV star Donald Trump says a "high draft number" spared him deployment to Vietnam. Turns out five student and medical deferments also helped. Bonus fun fact: He has birthmarks on both heels! Sign of the Beast. [TSG]

Now that President Barack Obama's legal team went out of its way to get a copy of Obama's so-called long-form birth certificate, it's time for the birthers to eat crow, right? Not so much. It hasn't taken long for members of the "birther" movement to grab their backup plans.