Who’s a smart doggie? Is it you? Is it you? No, it’s not, if your name is Benno, at least. The 4-year-old Belgian Malinois recently goofed his way onto an operating table by scarfing down almost two dozen live bullets, The New York Daily News reports.

As you watch this poor pup go around and around in his dinghy, your heart, too, will spin circles. Do you take pity? He’s trapped on that tiny boat, and all that motion is surely wreaking havoc on his tummy. Do you laugh? Dumb dog! Or do you feel envy? Dinghy donuts are probably more fun than lots of things, such as watching YouTube videos of dumb dogs.

Three cheers and a who’s a good boy you’re a good boy yes you are for Don, a Scottish collie who piloted a tractor down a hillock, through a split-rail fence, and across the busy commuter road below, all without even barking or getting upset even once. I hope Don’s master gives him some green beans as a treat!

Last year, a Tibetan mastiff reportedly sold to a Chinese businessman for $2 million. Now, the New York Times reports, surplus mastiffs are being sold to slaughterhouses for $5 each.

In a bad relationship? Thinking, Hey, my situation probably couldn't get much worse? Well break up with the bastard, and then thank the heavens that you're not this poor British woman whose man accidentally sent her a video he very deliberately filmed of himself fucking their dog.

This puking dog selfie currently circulating on Twitter first appeared on Reddit in September 2014.

Do you know what to do half a dozen puppies? This monkey clearly does not.

Shocking canine news out of England today: Jagger, the beloved three-year-old Irish setter who took top prize at this year's Crufts Dog Show in Birmingham, died Friday after being fed a steak laced with poison, possibly at the show.

Who's a naughty little stowaway? Is it you? Is it you? Yes it is! You're the naughty little stowaway who was found in a traveler's suitcase this week at New York's LaGuardia Airport.

A New Jersey police dive team recovered a pickup truck that sunk into the Toms River early Sunday morning after the vehicle was spotted driving donuts on the ice. The driver and passenger later turned themselves into police; both were unharmed. Their dog was not so lucky: Police found its frozen body in the submerged truck.

Prince William visited Japan this week and took some photographs there with some people and some things, BuzzFeed News reports.

A K9 cop in Florida was stripped of his badge this week after biting an employee in a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot, the New York Daily News reports.

A Brooklyn cop trying to shoot at a dog took out a slightly more substantial target—his boss.

For Miss P, the 139th annual Westminster Dog Show was her last chance to prance out from underneath the shadow of Uno, the last beagle to win the contest six years ago. Swagger, an Old English sheepdog, made himself known early on as a frontrunner, but Miss P was named Best in Show to the shock of the crowd. She now retires to motherhood.

Louisiana-born rapper and cousin-fucker Kevin Gates took to Instagram to discuss his problems with women on Tuesday, namely, their steadfast refusal to fellate his literal (as in "woof woof") dog.

Sometimes, if you are a dog, you are the dog with the ball. Usually, however, you are not. When there are two dogs and one ball, only one dog can have the ball. And there is nothing you can do to change that.

At least 40 dogs have mysteriously gone missing since November in a small North Texas town, but authorities say they have no idea who is taking them or why.

Seals are the dogs of the sea, as dogs are the seals of the land. This Tumblr user understands that. This video shows a meeting between one such sea dog and a land seal.

A Seattle dog, sick of waiting around for her owner, has learned to ride public transit by herself. Eclipse the black lab knows how to catch the D Line by her apartment, ride for 3 or stops, and hop off at a dog park near Downtown.

There's a partial resolution to the heartbreaking story of the Shar-pei mix abandoned at a Scottish train station last week with a suitcase full of his stuff. The Scottish Daily Record reports the doggie we knew as Kai—whose real name turns out to be Pluto—is doing just fine now, but the story of his abandonment is just as sad and full of shitty human tricks as you imagined.