Life & Style magazine, the glossy world's loosely sourced authority on the imminent disintegration of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' partnership, once again taps its network of "insiders" and "confidants" for information about America's Most Suspicious Couple, this time reporting that Cruise won't accompany his war bride to present the Miracle Baby to her parents. Notes The Scoop:
A reader sent in this photo of the new Oprah billboard perched above La Cienga Boulevard at Melrose touting today's show about her journey to Auschwitz with author and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel. If the oddly cheery ad is any indication (have they no templates where she's not beaming quite so brightly?), maybe Oprah, despite her burgeoning position as America's spiritual shepherd, is in a little over her head this time. The usually ecstatic moment in which Oprah shouts, "Everyone gets a car!" will lack its ringing note of triumph, instead taking on a sad poignancy when Wiesel bows his head and responds, "Yes, yes. I suppose they do."
· If you were a tiny person living inside Rosie O'Donnell's head, this is what the Madonna concert would have looked like to you.
· Utterly unnecessary headline of the day: Jack Bauer Saves Day on Finale of '24'
· Franklin Ave. nominates "Ryan Seacrest impersonator" as the worst job ever, but we're pretty sure the guy who had to yank him out of that glass table has a worse gig.
· Hey, unicorns!
Perhaps fueled by reports of his unsuccessful, alleged solicitation of a happy ending from a masseuse, and the auto-administered release that followed, there has been a recent uptick in rumors that Kevin Costner and his wife Christine's marriage will result in a decidedly unhappy ending. Not so, says Costner flack Paul Bloch, who released a carefully (and copiously) worded denial:
As it turns out, Warner Bros.' surprising approval of the the Official Topps Superman Out of the Closet™ trading card was merely a bold first step towards a more inclusive direction in the marketing of their upcoming blockbuster, Superman Returns. Defamer has obtained this crude artist's rendering for the studio's next one-sheet spotlighting the Man of Steel's rediscovery of a long-supressed ability to melt all evil-doers in his path with rays of rainbow-hot fabulousness, a clear repudiation of our misguided ideas about the earlier effort we foolishly tried to convince ourselves was heralding a return to hetero orthodoxy.
· Music round-up: The Oohlas at Safari Sam's; The Fall at Knitting Factory; George Clinton & Parliament at House of Blues.
· Author Kara Lindstrom signs Sparkle Life, her debut novel about the intertwining lives of three New York film world friends, at Book Soup. If you are someone in the LA film world, try your best to bridge the cultural gap and relate.
· Hollywood Arts, an organization where at-risk and homeless teens can explore their creativity, is throwing a fundraiser featuring LucEnt dosSieR Vaudeville Cirque's "magical blend of circus shenanigans" at Hollywood & Western. [via flavorpill]
DJ AM and Nicole Richie's last publicized break-up occurred in December, amid rumors AM may have left the Simple Life star for a grilled cheese sandwich. AM overcame his hunger pangs, however, and the couple were soon spotted together again in public, a reconciliation Richie confirmed in Vanity Fair. Sadly, however, the flickering status light of their endlessly rejuvenating relationship has gone dark again;
We really, really didn't want to have to think about Ryan Seacrest again today, but a news bulletin arriving from the Extra publicity department concerning a mishap the Idol host suffered when he decided to sit on a glass table not rated to support his less-than-burly frame have ruined an otherwise blissfully Seacrest-free afternoon. An excerpt from the press release:
X-Men: The Last Stand star Hugh Jackman is about as versatile a performer as they come, always thrilling audiences regardless of whether he's sashaying his way through Tony Awards hosting duties, or roughing up mutant bad guys in a butch set of mutton chops and shiny adamantium claws. Jackman's biggest fan, however, has got to be his wife Deborra-Lee Furness (pictured left, and here, with Jackman's longtime producing companion John Palermo). Jackman took Furness' cougar paw in marriage a decade ago, and she has since bore the actor two adopted children—but that doesn't mean she doesn't know how to keep things fresh in the boudoir:
· Sony shocks! the! world! by signing Da Vinci Code screenwriter Akiva Goldsman to adapt Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, and hopes to reunite the rest of the Blasphemy Dream Team of star Tom Hanks, director Ron Howard, and producer Brian Grazer for the project. [Variety]
· Teri Hatcher will provide the voice of star Dakota Fanning's mother in the animated feature Coraline. We predict a hair-yanking catfight that would put any Desperate Housewives shenanigans to shame should the two actresses' paths ever cross at the studio. [THR]
· Maybe Sony really did send someone to count up all the 60-cent pirate Da Vinci Code DVDs sold on the black market, as overseas grosses came in $8 million higher than originally reported. [Variety]
· Brokeback Mountain director Ang Lee now has "Fuck you, English" money, will make the Chinese-language espionage thriller Lust, Caution his next project. [THR]
· The season finale of 24, in which superagent Jack Bauer (SPOILER ALERT) rushed from place to place to kick people's asses and save the world, averaged about 13.5 million viewers, while Alias's series finale went out with the proverbial whimper. That Jennifer Garner really needs to get drunk and tackle a Christmas tree. [Variety]
Earlier this month, Teri Hatcher sobbed into Oprah's warm, smothering bosom about how her short-lived, much-photographed relationship with American Idol host Ryan Seacrest ended the moment the photographer he hired to "stumble" upon them kissing uncomfortably gave him the thumbs-up indicating he'd snapped the money shot. Today, Seacrest gives his side of the story in a NY Times article examining the showbiz ubiquity's attempts at empire-building:
Previous American Idol runner-ups have gone on to careers on Broadway, total obscurity, or alleged gay affairs with former members of elite military units, but this year, producers of television's most popular show are looking to mix up the formula. Following the coronation of this year's winner on tomorrow night's season finale, former Idol champions Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, and Carrie Underwood will join the judges in beating the second-place finisher to death with bamboo rods, then devour the bloodied, broken body of the unlucky contestant before a television audience expected to surpass 30 million viewers. Ryan Seacrest, of course, will pretend to be appalled by the display, decrying the callousness with which Simon Cowell critiques the "stringiness" of the raw flesh, but a glimmer in his eye will let us all know he's secretly pleased by the carnage unfolding in front of him.
In what is easily the greatest act of airborne heroism by a basic cable reality television star since the really swishy one from Queer Eye sassed up a Southwest flight attendant's totally frumpy uniform by encouraging him to half-untuck the front of his shirt, Dr. 90210 star Dr. Robert Rey utilized the martial arts skills he so ably displays each week on his E! titty-makeover show to subdue an 80-year-old passenger in the midst of a cockpit-charging freak-out on an American Airlines flight late Monday. We shit you not:
· Brangelina news update: Number two adoptee Zahara is stricken by British-tabloid-transmitted mystery illness! Also, Namibia releases a paparazzo they jailed for trying to snap a picture of the pregnant Jolie, freeing him up to be brutalized by a bodyguard or devoured by a lion on his next intrusive attempt to photograph her swollen stomach.
· The Laughing Yogi will seriously freak your shit out. Do not under any circumstances view while high. [via boingboing]
· "Grown Iraqi men get misty-eyed by the mere mention of his name. 'I love Lionel Richie,' they say. Iraqis who do not understand a word of English can sing an entire Lionel Richie song."
· We refuse to believe that there is anyone in Sherman Oaks who is not suffering from a 103-degree case of McPheever. Those Oakies saw the Times coming a mile away.
The X-chromosome-abundant cast members of X-Men: The Last Stand sat down for some frank, mutant girl talk with the AP in support of the movie's premiere at Cannes. Among their revelations: Anna Paquin suffers from a crippling case of superpower envy, while Halle Berry, still mistrustful of men, only wishes her character Storm could find some true romance:
The only thing that seems to fire Michelle Rodriguez's pistons faster than the thought of $2 Mojito Madness night and the ensuing, S-shaped joyride home, is the hard time she has to do once she gets caught. Rodriguez made her 65-hour stint in a Hawaiian prison sound like an overnight pajama party with the Pink Ladies. ("It was so cool....Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts...singing showtunes with the girls.") Since the crime violated parole for a previous arrest in LA, Rodriguez was undoubtedly thrilled to learn she's been sentenced to an additional 60 days of jail time:
