Hoping to capitalize on the media attention being lavished upon the recent meltdowns of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan, billionaire reality television personality and premium-meats magnate Donald Trump is developing his next surefire hit for the downmarket Fox network, perhaps worried that The Apprentice partner NBC's oft-invoked obsession with "quality" might hamper the execution of his vision for the just-announced Lady or a Tramp. (Barely rejected original title: Trump Sluts.)

"Breaking the silence" he's maintained since his firing from Grey's Anatomy (it's hard to pinpoint the exact moment ABC knew they had to let him go, but our guess would be that once they saw tirade victim T.R. Knight draped with a feeble Labrador on the cover of The Advocate, his fate was sealed), former TV doctor Isaiah Washington opens up to EW, elaborating on the complicated, post-shitcanning emotions insufficiently evoked by his ominous "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore" public statement and his flack Howard Bragman's outraged, "kicked in the gut" follow-up. Washington expresses frustration that his successful completion of the apology/gayhab/PSA gauntlet jointly designed for him by his publicist, GLAAD, and the network was not enough to save his job, and discusses the reaction (and non-reactions) of his showrunner and castmates:

· Seth Rogen is a vacuum of not caring about Paris Hilton.
· ABC News hands the world a hit list that could prevent the rise of the next ubiquitous celebutard menace.
· One is in jail, one's in rehab, but one is still at large, picking up all the nipple-flashing slack.
· God always takes the best TV scientists too young.
· We're still divided over whether Colton and Aboud's "Jane" or "Amanda" is the hotter Melrose recreation, but leaning toward the Bisset-inspired one.

We'll admit to a little cheating by peeking at MichaelBay.com to pinpoint the Transformers director's whereabouts, but yesterday the peripatetic master of blowing shit up brought his Giant Fucking Robots roadshow to Seoul to generate some excitement for the movie's June 28th premiere. According to the Korea Times, after some banter about how "foxy" lead Megan Fox got her job ("Just look at her."), Bay got down to the deadly serious business of scaring his assembled Koreans fans shitless with his apocalyptic vision of our robot-controlled future:

If we've learned anything from the The Sopranos finale, it's that nothing punches up a scene emotionally like Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." There has been no shortage of media coverage asking the members of the 1980s supergroup with the penchant for winged scarab cover art what it feels like to be immortalized in the Most Important Final Scene in TV History:
· Guitarist Neal Schon "was like, 'Awesome!'" when he heard the news, and suspects the song was chosen because it hints at a Sopranos resurrection, for which the Jersey native would love to be considered for Featured Goombah status. [EW.com]

· Music round-up: The Duke Spirit at Spaceland; John Doe at Amoeba; Gutterfly Urban Legend Tour at the Roxy.
· The Echoplex hosts a benefit show for 826LA and African Water Wells, featuring the Cold War Kids, The Little Ones, and a secret band whose identity would surely blow all of our minds should we discover it beforehand.
· Disco Bloodbath author James St. James reads from his debut Young Adult effort, Freak Show, at Book Soup.

Abandoning Paris Hilton at precisely the moment she needs the kinds of loyal Hollywood friends who can quickly package a project about her prison experience the most, Endeavor has announced that it's dumped the incarcerated heiress, reversing partner Ari Emanuel's recent policy of embracing the agency's unfairly persecuted friends. Expect evil-collecting rival CAA to show up to Hilton's next scheduled public visitation session with a bouquet of flowers and a cake concealing a stash of Adderall; even if they aren't sure what to do about her career once she's out of jail, we're sure they'll at least figure out a way to exploit the relationships she's forming with hardened felons, as there's always room on an agent's desk for someone who's handy with a shiv.

This summer's prolonged barrage of blockbusters with extensive toy tie-ins—Spider-Man 3, Pirates 3, Transformers, etc—provides parents with an unprecedented opportunity to divert an unhealthy chunk of their discretionary income to Hollywood, as any trip to the multiplex must be immediately followed by one to the WalMart toy aisle, lest this generation of savvy youngsters report their miserly guardians to Child Protective Services for their neglect. Today's LAT looks at the competition to see which studio/manufacturer combination can extort the most money from families with their pirate-themed televisions, robot-concealing trucks, or splooge-launching Spider-guns (now with spiral-squirting action!), offering up a brief encounter with a local dad who's losing his battle with the wallet-plundering, merchandising menace:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted a grocery-shopping Larry Birkhead getting a head start on Dannielynn's food-dependency issues.

While fans of comedian Kathy Griffin may be disappointed to hear rumors that she was passed over in favor of Whoopi Goldberg for a regular slot on The View, they can still keep tabs on their favorite Spielberg Shit-List Topper on her Bravo reality show, My Life on the D-List—now in its third, gripping season of chronicling her every celebrity-alienating exploit. The juicy backstory that dominated the first two seasons—regular-guy husband Matt Moline allegedly swipes $72,000 from her, a betrayal that ends in divorce and a surfeit of new material for her act—is still very much a topic of conversation, with a weepy Griffin telling cameras in the season premiere, "I thought he was a nice guy who loved me. Now, I don't think he ever loved me." Moline responds on his blog:

Sure, you could pick up some quick cash by letting DreamWorks slap some Transformers stickers on your Mirage, but that revenue stream is ultimately unsustainable. Why not spend some quality time on the Defamer Job Board, looking for a more reliable source of income? Do it, right now, before the lure of easy decal-money saps you of your motivation.

· Universal is partnering with environmentally conscious marketers to promote Evan Almighty, culminating in a spectacular stunt in which the studio will flood its Universal City theme park, washing away thousands of tourists to emphasize the film's uplifting, "green" message that God will kill us all if we don't take better care of our planet. [Variety]
· Michael Moore seeks out, receives free publicity for upcoming film about the American health care system. [THR]
· The details of the project are unimportant to us, but let it be known that Jennifer Connelly, whom we would pay to watch folding laundry or waiting in line at the DMV, has taken on a new movie project. Unfortunately, the husband is also involved. [Variety]
· CBS Corp despot Les Moonves calls Dan Rather's critical remarks about successor Katie Couric's "dumbing down" and "tarting up" of his beloved evening news broadcast "sexist." Expect the mouthy ex-anchor to be found dead of an apparent heart attack by the end of the day. [THR]
· The ratings for Sunday night's Sopranos finale are in, and its average of 11.9 million viewers easily surpassed the mark set by HBO sibling Sex and the City's controversial last episode, in which the sassy, shoe-loving ladies were unexpectedly whacked by a vengeance-obsessed Mario Cantone. [Variety]

We feel it is our duty to pay semi-regular visits to Andy Cohen—cutthroat Bravo TV executive by day, blogger extraordinaire by night—but after a year of following his name-droppy exploits, we reluctantly have to admit that we're still not entirely sure what his job entails. (It's almost definitely something reality-TV-related.) In today's installment, Andy practically does backflips over Top Chef Day in New York City ("Literally. We have a certificate from the Mayor or Deputy Mayor or someone saying it is so!"), conjuring nightmarish images of a sparsely attended Top Chef parade down Fifth Avenue, featuring Godzilla-sized Padma Lakshmi and Tom Colicchio floats terrorizing children as far away as New Jersey. It's not long, however, before Andy shifts gears to topics far closer to his heart—dermatology and the gym:

If nothing else, this Age of YouTube has given us a deeper understanding of the bizarre international promotional obligations to which our cherished, movie-pimping stars are subjected upon each new worldwide release. Hollywood's latest press tour victim is Johnny Depp, who recently appeared on Japanese TV (clip above, and more here) on behalf of his recently released Pirates of the Caribbean sequel; to his credit, Depp does his best to be a good sport, humbly accepting gifts in the John Lennon-inspired persona he's working on for an upcoming project. Ultimately, however, the actor had no choice but to offend his hosts by politely refusing their ceremonial offering of the country's four most talented children, perhaps not realizing that the cultural affront will doom his film's local box office prospects and result in the disgraced tykes being sold off to the cast of Fantastic Four 2 when they pass through on their upcoming junket.

Spending too much time on any one of this morning's roughly five thousand Paris Hilton-related items is clearly the path to madness, and so we offer this smattering of easily digestible links out of concern for your mental health:

[Do we still need to say there will be spoilers in a post about the Sopranos finale? Well, there will be. Adjust your reading accordingly.—Ed.] Knowing that ending his beloved Sopranos—the Greatest Achievement in the History of a Debased Medium, unless you're one of those The Wire cultists—with four and a half minutes of "Don't Stop Believin'," Meadow's heart-palpitating struggles to parallel park in an enormous space, paranoid shots of a man whose Members Only-inspired fashion sense was a clear signifier of murderous intent, and then the Cut to Black That Shook The World might frustrate fans seeking the tidy closure only a spectacular whacking could provide, series creator David Chase escaped to France to wait out any angry mobs wanting to put two bullets in his temple and then crush his skull beneath an SUV's tire. He's now reemerged from his overseas cooling-off period with an interview with the Star-Ledger, in which he swears he didn't choose this ending just to fuck with viewers' heads:

· Suffering from nervous breakdowns induced by Sopranos separation anxiety? Breathe deeply and whisper to yourself that at least you've got The Walnuts to hold onto.
· Mental health professionals lament The Sopranos' passing, as Tony made those who sit in expensive leather chairs across from manipulative sociopaths seem cool again.
· Maroon 5 manwhore Adam Levine's got a sexy secret...and Us is letting you in on it!
· Ryan Seacrest makes Simon Cowell joke, touches off multiple gossip item trying to stir up Idol controversy.
· Sunset Tan shocker! Spray-tanned corpse not actually a corpse.
· The Office's BJ Novak on how to do old Reveille boss/new NBC boss Ben Silverman: "I've been studying his mannerisms: huge enthusiasm, and then he'll slip in an incredible knowledge of specifics, way deep into a lot of complicated handshakes and backslapping."

The ugly divorce and custody dispute between Anne Heche and husband Coley Laffoon (five-second primer: Anne: You pleasure yourself to pornography, subject our child to poker games, and frequent strip clubs while I'm hard at work! Coley: You're crazy.) has ended in what can only be heartbreak for the Men In Trees star, as a judge has given custody of Homer, their five-year-old son, to Laffoon:

Positing that the public might be growing tired of the Lohan/Hilton/Spears class of troubled starlet and that the industry is ready to pump out a more wholesome, less frequently rehabbed product to capture the tween entertainment dollar, the LAT looks at the "new wave" of Hollywood good girls, including Nancy Drew's Emma "Aunt Julia Would Produce My Movies Even If We Weren't Related" Roberts, Nim's Island's Abigail Breslin, and the Charlize Theron-approved AnnaSophia Robb. The article's true focus is the impeccably pedigreed, terrifyingly ambitious Roberts, who's so precocious she's already bored with the whole imminent movie stardom thing:

With Rosie O'Donnell gone from The View, the majority of her days since her abrupt, contentious departure spent dictating angry haikus to an assistant while suspended in her upside-down depression-therapy rig, ABC has been quietly auditioning potential replacements. According to Star Magazine, they have settled on former Patrick-Swayze-channeling conduit Whoopi Goldberg: