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Spending too much time on any one of this morning's roughly five thousand Paris Hilton-related items is clearly the path to madness, and so we offer this smattering of easily digestible links out of concern for your mental health:

· Rick Hilton may be planning a "Get Out of Jail" party for his unfairly persecuted daughter in Vegas, an orgy whose decadence would rival the nightly "Home Imprisonment Thrown Downs" the heiress would have hosted had she been allowed to serve out her sentence in the comfort of her own mansion. [Page Six]
· Hoping to take advantage of Hilton's jailhouse conversion from self-described "dumb girl" to "person who, like, cares about stuff and junk?" publicity-shy animal rights advocacy group PETA asks Paris to narrate a video about the plight of fowl unjustly imprisoned by KFC. [The Scoop]
· The unquestioned breakout star of the Hilton Home-Arrest/Rejailing Fiasco is Sheriff Lee Baca, who turned up at the Sinai Temple in Beverly Hills to talk to his best Jewish friends about the responsibility that comes with great power. [Radar]

·The price of stardom is, of course, backlash, as a former L.A. County employee has started a campaign to have Baca recalled from his post. The upstart has 160 days to gather a mere 395,000 signatures to earn his crusade for justice a place on the ballot. [LAT]
· In other ultimately doomed, Hilton-related campaigns, some people have started up an online petition asking Paris to allow herself to be photographed in prison for charity. [YouChoose.net]
· Looking for the perfect gift for a Dad that has everything? Sponsor a crocodile on his behalf! [OxFam via FoxNews]
· TMZ diagnoses Hilton with EADD, the far more fabulous, "extreme" version of the mundane attention-deficit disorder, and Baca's decision to release her from jail last week may have been over concerns she wouldn't survive long without easy access to her Adderall closet. [TMZ]