Even as NBC janitors continue to scrub away at stubborn blood stains and collect overlooked skull fragments left over from the Memorial Day Massacre that enabled rock-star Ben Silverman's ascendance at the Peacock, freshly whacked president Kevin Reilly is reportedly in talks to reunite with former FX boss Peter Liguori at Fox, an attempt to recapture the magic of a previous collaboration which, in the words of Variety, elevated the then-obscure channel "to a basic-cable equivalent of HBO with cutting-edge fare."

In the proud tradition of The Crazy, Random "Chris Rock Thing" and The Imposter With The Same Name As A Model/Actor That Lindsay Lohan Kept Booty-Calling, today's LAT brings us the story of a telecommunications snafu that truly defines this moment in popular culture: The Incredibly True Tale of the UCLA Girl Who Inherited Paris Hilton's Cellphone Number. Fittingly, this narrative about misdirected calls, mistakenly proffered party invites, and expressions of post-sentencing solidarity that would never lift the spirit of their intended recipient begins in a bathroom stall in West Hollywood:

· There was a time when a pompadoured Harrison Ford would've been steering that bike instead of hanging on to the waist of some punk kid for dear life and looking scared shitless. Sigh.
· One of the things we missed the most during Paris Hilton's incarceration were her socially responsible, anti-drunk-driving blog posts. We thank God every day she's free again.
· Soon to be a CBS MOW: Sucked Out At 20,000 Feet: The Chris Fogg Story.
· Even on a slow news day, you can find a semicelebrity DUI story if you look hard enough.

Never one to shy away from using his minimalist web presence as a virtual megaphone through which he can shout at either the international movie stars or internet dickwads who displease him, Michael Bay blogged up some choice words for Transformers producers Tom DeSanto and Don Murphy late last Friday. However, once cooler, gloriously coiffed fauxteur heads prevailed, Bay removed the post, thinking better of airing his grievances in public. But through the magic of the internets, Deadline Hollywood Daily's Nikki Finke has recovered the text of the director's complaints about how he felt the producers were unfairly claiming credit for the movie's blowing-shit-up vision. An excerpt:

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker enshroud plans for their impending French wedding in mystery, a tactic that still fails to make the world care. [usatoday.com]

Director and awards season cow wrangler David Lynch makes no secret of how he feels about the encroachment of corporate interests upon his stubbornly abstruse cinematic meditations. (Quoth: "Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit.") That isn't to say that he's above whoring himself out for the occasional contract work, however, as he has agreed to direct a TV spot for a new Gucci perfume, according to a press release from the fashion house's unsexy parent-company fragrance licensee, Procter & Gamble. From The Stylephile blog:

· Music round-up: Foreign Born and Great Northern at UCLA's Hammer Museum; Patrick Park at Spaceland, Dntel at Echoplex.
· Jaws, the movie we all have to thank for Hollywood's unhealthy, thirty-year love affair with the blockbuster, screens at the Aero.
· Chris Nichols signs The Leisure Architecture of Wayne McAllister at Vroman's, about the designer who "managed to change the character of places like postwar Las Vegas and Southern California as well as influencing a lifestyle of glamorous nightclubs, poolside leisure and life behind the wheel."

"Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who was found dead on Monday aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies." [Telegraph.co.uk]

Our sources have exclusively! revealed (because, quite frankly, who else would possibly give a shit about such information besides us?) that the overlords at evil agenting monolith CAA have given their underlings the day off tomorrow. Of course, even this most innocuous of news makes us anxious, as a darkened Death Star is even more terrifying than one teeming with the usual levels of obviously nefarious activity.

• Isaiah Washington: Gay's Anatomy [iklipz.com]

Since your poorly conceived plot to solve your work-related problems by rigging a pack of leftover Fourth of July cherry bombs to explode when your boss started his car this morning did little more than scratch the paint of his new BMW, you might want to line up a new gig through the Defamer Job Board before he connects you to the attack.

Star Magazine reports that Britney Spears's threatening legal care package for her mother included a poem entitled "Dear Mama"—not the first time the singer chose to express herself in accusatory verse—in which she allegedly told the intervening parent that she "didn't have a mom anymore." Slightly more inscrutable was another personal delivery made by the increasingly paranoid pop starlet, who now includes the U.S. Postal Service among the government agencies plotting against her: a handwritten note delivered to X17 on Tuesday, explaining a now-legendary incident of SUV-cruelty captured by the paparazzi outfit. In it she writes:

After almost ten years of creative paralysis brought on by wondering when the Academy repo men would arrive to snatch the Good Will Hunting Best Original Screenplay Oscar from his mantel as punishment for every career-sabotaging choice he's made since 2002, Ben Affleck has decided to stop living in fear and take proactive steps towards winning a second one, phoning partner/lifelong BFF Matt Damon and inviting him on a creative retreat in Hawaii. Reports Us Weekly in their new Procrastinating Screenwriters, They're Just Like Us! feature:

Transformers' Shia LeBeouf proudly takes his rightful place in the pantheon of pigeon-chested action heroes alongside peers Tobey Maguire, Orlando Bloom, and Elijah Wood. [LAtimes.com]

· In earning $27.4 million on its first full day of release, Transformers sets the utterly meaningless record for the biggest Tuesday ever. Equally exciting and inconsequential box office milestones are sure to follow the conclusion of the movie's six-and-a-half-day "opening weekend." [Variety]
· Following an unexpected volume of complaints about how many commercials clogged the feeds of MTV and VH1's Live 8 concerts in 2005, NBC Universal pledges that the ad load for this weekend's Live Earth telecasts will be "significantly lighter than what a normal hour of network television would be." Hooray for somewhat reduced corporate greed! [THR]
· Can Tom Cruise and the German government fuck already and put all this weird tension behind them? It's really getting a little uncomfortable for everybody at this point. [Variety]
· 8 million shut-in pyrotechnics fans tune in to NBC's Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks Spectacular, giving NBC a Wednesday night ratings win. [THR]
· Foreign nations are enjoying American cultural imperialism about as much as the military kind. [Variety]

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Audiences who opted to spend their holiday moviegoing dollars on a diet of giant fucking robots and LaBeoufian light comedy were left scratching their heads at a mysterious trailer that ran before the featured attraction, captured above by a cellphone-wielding audience member who managed to avoid MPAA anti-piracy sniper fire. Details were sparse—no title is given (IMDb lists its "fake working title" as Cloverfield), but the trailer tells us it's a J.J. Abrams production set to open January 18.

Great news for those whose lives have felt a little empty ever since Sex and the City's cast members collectively miscalculated their career prospects back in 2004 and left the warm, protective bosom of premium cable to suckle at the unforgiving teat of the big screen: HBO and New Line have finally bought off all four of the SATC gals, allowing them to move forward with the long-gestating feature version of their beloved TV series. Var reports on how holdout Kim Cattrall was convinced to join the reunion:

The marketing geniuses behind The Simpsons Movie promotion that has transformed a number of 7-11s into Kwik-E-Marts are proving maniacally devoted to Springfield verisimilitude; in addition to making sure that the store has clerks playing the role of Apu, they've also apparently hired background actors to roam the store in-character; above, the Burbank location's Comic Book Guy pauses to consider his animated inspiration before heading inside to change into his costume, then spend a day wandering the aisles, occasionally engaging a customer near a snack case with a dismissive, "Worst. Nachos. Ever."

• Gore's son arrested on suspicion of drugs [LiveVideo.com]

· You know what's totally hot right now? Quietly filing for divorce on the Third of July.
· Danny Boyle: Not an Eli Roth fan.
· We recommend that you hold off on your Parass Hilton buttplug purchase until the Jailbird Edition offers the Assquake option. You'll thank us later.
· Is it bad that we're happy the mayor bagged a hot Telemundo chick?
· Phil Spector's lawyer has his priorities in order.