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One happy byproduct of John Stamos's recent Australian escapades—including an unhinged morning show visit in which the actor waxed incoherently about the size of a journalist's genitalia and Princess Diana's death—is that the ER star's deformed belly button has ceased to be the most interesting about him. Still, the series of discombobulated media appearances Down Under seem to have done more bad than good for Stamos's profile, and now the actor wants everyone to know that the real culprit was just some prescription sleep-aids. From TVGuide.com:

"I took a sleeping pill at 5 in the morning, Ambien," he says. He was so disoriented when he did the newspaper interview, he says, "I did not know what continent I was on." Still, because he couldn't sleep, he continued to take Ambien, leading to the disastrous appearance on Mornings With KerriAnne.

One thing the 43-year-old Stamos wants to make clear is that he was not drunk. "I was not drinking. I did not drink either morning," he says. "I do not have an alcohol problem. I am not David Hasselhoff. This is not a pattern."

It may seem underhanded to have evoked the America's Got Talent judge, recently shamed on the internets by a shocking video that exposed his drunken, floor-level eating habits. In today's savvy media culture, however, the old shell game of listing which intoxicants you weren't on is no longer sufficient. For the public to fully grasp your bogus story about how Ambien turned you into a lewd motormouth on national television, you must also present at least one example of another famous boozer whom you in no way resemble.