· Like all long-delayed sequels, this one doesn't quite live up to the original.
· The Emmys: At least our liveblog extravaganza wasn't forced by Fox's pro-war censors to cut to an lcd disco-ball every time we mentioned how fucking unwatchable it was.
· Kid Nation's homesickness-plagued premiere teaches us the next generation's poo-making priorities aren't nearly as out of whack as we had feared.
· Jeffrey Katzenberg yanks a Viacom CEO's weave defending Spielberg, as Brad Grey swallows the possibility-of-losing-Steven pain.
· News of K-Fed's contracted death greatly exaggerated.
· Big Brother 8's Amber gets in on the Yom Kippur atonement spirit.
· A naked-and-drugged lifestyle inspires a judge to compose The Britney Rules.
· Stalemates: Phil Spector's hung jury.
· Defamer pledges its virginity at the Hollywood Purity Ball.
· Sherri Shepherd's various baby-tending commitments cause her to become temporarily disoriented about the Earth's shape.
· Leave Britney Alone Guy not likely to leave you alone any time soon.

As regular readers of this site already know, we are so shamefully fashion-obsessed that we waste a good half-hour each morning fretting about whether the tattered pair of boxers we've chosen to wear to "the office" that day properly complements at least one of our mismatched socks. Accordingly, we dispatched videographer Molly McAleer to the O'Quinn Fashion Show at Falcon last night, instructing her to return with footage from the event that might inspire us to even greater sartorial heights.

Some months ago, titillating news of a Brady Bunch porn led us to indulge our wildest combined-'70s-sitcom-family fantasies, as we shamefully revealed for you the most outrageous Brady-on-Brady coupling our filthy minds could conjure: Jan taking out years of frustration on her more popular sister with one sweaty, unhinged hate-fuck. Were we only to know just how close to the truth we were:

Friday
· Air at the Greek Theatre; Cat Power at Avalon; Diplo at Echoplex.
· The Aero screens Flying: Confessions of a Free Woman - Chapter One: Living the Free Life, followed by Chapter Two: The Biological Clock, The Single Woman. And after that, there's a discussion and reception with director Jennifer Fox.
· In less gynocentric cinematic happenings, the Regent Theater is showing a midnight screening of Reservoir Dogs to benefit AIDS Project LA.

We seem to be back online (fingers, toes crossed) following the Great Gawker Media Server Crash of Early Fall 2007, so the small amount of work we were able to accomplish during the downtime should start appearing as you scroll down the page. To make up for today's unfortunate developments, we've mailed each and every one our our readers a single red velvet cupcake—monitor your mailboxes for our "We're sorry" gift.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you window-shopped for affordably priced furnishings with a hobbit.

Let us makes sure our feelings about this week's sponsors are perfectly clear: if they ever decided to leave us, their loss would be anything but "completely immaterial" to our emotional bottom line. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and earn our undying love and admiration (at least until the checks stop showing up), see this page.

· It's a Hollywood abs-off! Extravagantly six-packed superstar Brad Pitt is in talks to replace Matt Damon and appear opposite famously washboarded former underwear model Mark Wahlberg in the Darren Aronofsky boxing drama The Fighter. Shirts will be doffed, and stomach muscles menacingly flexed! [Variety]
· NBC orders four episodes of the Christmas-themed reality show, Clash of the Choirs, in which celebrities return home to assemble armies comprised of their towns' best amateur singers, then pit these muscial warriors against each other in a primetime TV deathmatch. [THR]
· In perhaps today's most touching news, Katherine Heigl options the rights to adapt bestseller Lost & Found, a project she will produce with the very same mother who didn't believe she would win that Emmy. [Variety]
· Light-fingered sometime actress Winona Ryder joins the ensemble cast of the big-screen adaptation of novelist Bret Easton Ellis's The Informers. [THR]
· And this one is going right on our Season Pass list: VH1 is planning the series Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, where the Loveline physician will help former reality stars get off the drugs and back to dealing with their semifame in a more healthy manner. [Variety]

The emotional feud touched off when Viacom CEO Phillippe Dauman tried to preemptively break Steven Spielberg's heart by telling the world that the national treasure's possible departure from Paramount would not send the executive into a Valium-overdosing tailspin of despair (and which incited outraged DreamWorks partner Jeffrey Katzenberg to publicly attempt to claw out Dauman's eyes) spills into the pages of today's LAT, where studio emperor Brad Grey was induced to comment on HolyShitWhatIfSpielbergLeavesUsGate. For his part, Grey—who convinced boss Sumner Redstone to buy DreamWorks in late 2005 so that his studio might actually have some movies to release the following year—seems to be toeing the company line:

As much as we hoped it might happen, we never really anticipated Big Brother 8 breakout anti-Semite/anti-Manhattanite Amber Siyavus would be subjected to a montage of her greatest hate-mongering hits on Tuesday night's finale. Still, we assumed reporters would have jumped on the opportunity to get her to further clarify her theories about the "money-hungry" peoples, easily identifiable by their noses, surnames, and love of the Mets. Only Reality News Online, however, was successful in getting Siyavus to address her Gibsonian sentiments:

By the time you read this, the problem will probably already have magically worked itself out, but we seem to be experiencing one our weekly Friday server meltdowns. Please bear with us until our Soviet-era equipment is switched out for slightly better machines obtained at a recent Kabul computer fair.

Shouty mogul Barry Diller gets defensive when interrogated about having once made former Universal head Stacey Snider cry. Accusations of manipulative drama queen antics follow! "Oh please! Stacey Snider cries for effect in whatever room she might be in. I mean, I didn't make Stacey Snider cry! Stacey Snider wanted to cry for her own demonstrative purposes. But, there's no question that our process, my process, is one in which I believe that in order to get to the truth of something, you have to argue it passionately. It's not a Socratic process by any stretch." [Portfoilio]

It seems that Air America host Cenk Uygur, who you may remember as the man seeking $65 million worth of publicity from Stephen Colbert over the comedian's use of a not-so-suspiciously similar Star Trek joke, might be getting his Klingon-Off after all: "Renata Luczak, a spokeswoman for Colbert, said the comedian had no immediate comment but will most likely address it on the show. As a mock conservative pundit, Colbert has often engaged in mock feuds." [AP]

As we can think of no better way to kick off a sunny Friday morning than by contemplating the staggering wealth of the Hollywood multibillionaires who can buy and sell all of us like so much cattle, we spent some time with The Forbes 400, the magazine's ranking of the absolute richest of the American rich, to check in on how some of the industry's best-monied overlords are growing their intimidating cash hoards.

It's unlikely they'll ever catch the tagger who dared deface the Hipster Shrine to Suspiciously Fallen Indie Guitar Idol Elliott Smith with a thick stream of drooling robin's-egg-blue paint. (Seriously—what the fuck did he use, a modified leafblower?) Well listen here, NOSE, or MUSE, or whatever your name is: Having chosen to befoul a sacred Silver Lake burial ground, prepare now to live out the remainder of your days tormented by a thousand shoegazing spirits. You'll find yourself wishing you hadn't bluewashed over hundreds of goodbye poems once you find yourself visited every night by their infinitely-looping rendition of the "Miss Misery" chorus.

The world's dumbest attempted magician-rapist falls for the old "Hey, did you happen to drop this cellphone in the middle of a sexual assault at the Magic Castle? You did? Oh, meet me in the park acrosss the street so I can give it back to you before the cops come looking for you" trick. [TMZ]

Despite how easy our earlier video of last night's eagerly anticipated Kid Nation premiere might have made life in CBS Bonanza City, NM seem, the children's new frontier existence is not all fun and choosing-whether-to-be-passively-entertained- or-poop-before-your-bowels-rupture games. Being separated from one's parents or pageant coaches for the first time can be an emotionally devastating experience that not every grade-school-age society-builder is equipped to handle, as you can clearly see above in the teary eyes of Jimmy and Taylor.

Disgraced flashcore mogul Joe Francis, currently occupying a cell at the Washoe County Detention Center outside Reno as he awaits trial on tax evasion, appears to have taken full advantage of the facility's popular Inmate Web Development program and fashioned an impressive internet presence for himself. Starting today, Meet Joe Francis lends the visionary behind the Girls Gone Wild drunken co-ed tittie-baring empire a platform for everything from a 10-page legal defense to a personal biography in which he nostalgically recalls first jobs, first cars, and first prom dates rendered drunk enough to capture topless with a Polaroid. News of the launch came through the following e-mail, in which Francis urges his outrage-deficient friends and colleagues to help reverse a travesty of justice foisted upon an honorable man guilty of nothing more than loving a good time: