· Hollywood: What it Means for a Woman
· What? No shout-out love for Melissa Etheridge?
· Top Chef vanquisher Hung wakes up ready to take on the world.
· Hey—praying nun!
· "It was horrible, Larry," he said, between handfuls of pills.
· Which naked Britney would you like? Top half or bottom half?
· Lindsay Lohan is ready to take on the world.
· Eye on: Sumner Redstone's #1 yes-man.
· Maker-of-great-life-decisions Pamela Anderson makes another doozie.
· Mmmm...Drug Buggggss.....Arhghghgg....
· A salute to the great racks of the past.
· The Pint Size Paparazzi Files.
· Hey—severed finger!
· Steven Spielberg let George Lucas keep his stupid crystal skulls, but insisted they not be CGI.
· Did Martha Stewart just admit to a child homicide?
· Lou Pearlman's house of boy-band horrors.

· "Listen, Jane Seymour: Do you want that Dancing with the Stars disco ball trophy? Or do you want to whine about your dead mother? Exactly, so shut up and start foxtrotting."
· More Sex and the City movie spoilers: Mr. Big marries the evil witch from Sleeping Beauty! Poor Carrie. Always the bridesmaid.
· This all-Korean Jamiroquai cover-band is way better than they have any right to be. [via FunFriends]
· What's important isn't that you have an iPhone. What's important is that they think you have an iPhone.
· The guy who wrote Little Shop of Horrors is now pushing up Audrey IIs.

In what has evolved into an unofficial Hollywood Woman's Week of sorts—to culminate in a massive bra-burning protest staged around The Grove's dancing waters tonight at 8 (trashing of the Nike Goddess store to follow)—we now turn to arguably the most formidable strata of showbiz vagina-havers: the wives. The LAT chugs along in a cooking-oil-powered pickup with green warrior Kelly Meyer, wife of Universal's Ron, learning much about what Hollywood wives are doing to help save the world along the way:

Friday
· Music round-up: Aesop Rock at Henry Fonda, Genesis at the Hollywood Bowl, Cradle of Filth and Gwar are at the Wiltern.
· Revisit the homoerotic subtext fueling the Bodhi/Utah dynamic at Point Break Live.
· Good magazine's first anniversary party is at the Natural History Museum tonight: "Drinks. Music. Food. Giveaways. Dinosaurs. African & North American Mammals." Yup, sounds good to us.

Who would have thought that American Idol would get busted for violating child labor laws before Kid Nation? That's right, because winner Jordin Sparks and national joke Sanjaya Malakar were both under 18 while performing, the company behind the "American Idols Live Tour '07" was just fined a whopping $5000. Of course, that's less than Simon Cowell spends to have one of his tight black V-necks dry cleaned, but the point is, it sends a message. No longer will children be exploited for our entertainment. And if they are exploited, it will cost you a nominal fee. Are you scared yet, Les Moonves?

And Hollywood Rumor of the Week honors go to the one currently catapulting around town and into our inbox, concerning a suspicious package sent to New Line president of production Toby Emmerich that reportedly contained a severed finger, resulting in their offices shutting down for a police investigation. What actually happened, as best as we can piece together, is described in the following e-mail from an operative:

Even the stripper-obsessed can find love! "[Drew] Carey, the new host of The Price Is Right, got engaged to Nicole Jaracz, a recent graduate of culinary school, on Tuesday, said his spokeswoman, Christina Papadopoulos." We wish the couple a strong marriage, and an even stronger prenup—otherwise Carey's looking at paying out in powers of ten for every year they manage to make it last. [cnn.com]

Wanna be the coolest kid on your block? Then don't buy the B'phone! Yes, Beyoncé has a brand new phone out by Samsung, and for a mere $99 you get a Beyoncé themed start-up screen as well as the ability to download exclusive Beyoncé photos, videos, and music— including a song she recorded when she was 10. As Beyoncé said in a press conference yesterday, "It's only through this phone that you can get this close to my life."

A follow-up to the Anna Nicole investigation we mentioned earlier: Attorney General Jerry Brown told reporters that there is "serious evidence" that something fishy went on with Anna Nicole's death. Really, Jer? Maybe after he cracks this case, he can look into whether The Hills is fake or not. [foxnews.com]

A reader just sent in this photo of a nun praying in front of the Laemmle Sunset 5, surrounded by two security guards who are clearly stumped by an ideological dilemma on the level of miniature golf courses vs. religious librairies. Our operative sent in two reports from the scene—the first is below, the second follows immediately after the jump:

And so we come to another moment of silence for our esteemed sponsors, who may not boast a Nobel Peace Prize among the multitude of accolades shared between them, but whose talents, goods, and services have done no less in averting wars and veering humanity off the course of extinction. We salute them, and invite you to join their ranks.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Chyna Doll perusing the Burbank Target aisles.

Sharp-eyed observers may have noticed there was a brief shot of current Top Chef winner Hung jumping out of bed in his boxer shorts during the reunion special that aired on Wednesday. We sent the video to the Defamer Institute of Priapic Analysis, and the results have come back, proving conclusively that the speedy chef doesn't just have a cocky personality, he also has a...well, you get the idea. Click the censored photo after the jump for the full Hung experience.

Congratulations, Orlando Bloom! After last night's activities, you are now a member in good standing of the Celebrity Car Crash Club (The Quadruple C), where you will join such luminaries as Britney Spears, Halle Berry, Billy Joel, Lindsay Lohan, Rebecca Gayheart, Tara Reid, Brandy, and James Dean. In comparison with names like that, however, Legolas's crash seems kind of tame. Here's what happened: After leaving some lame Hollywood hotspot, Orlando got into his buddy's '03 Toyota Matrix. Shortly thereafter, he was cut off by another driver and slammed into a parked car. Police say that drugs or alcohol were not a factor in the accident. So, basically it was just that—an accident. Snooze! Of course, two additional passengers were injured (not fatally) in the wreck, but they're not celebrities, so we're not writing about them. That is all.

· Yet more stars sign on to JJ Abrams's much-ballyhooed Star Trek: Early 30s project, including Hot Fuzz's Simon Pegg as Scotty, and John "What? He's Korean? Enh, Close Enough" Cho as Sulu. [Variety, THR]
· CBS signed musical-adapting superduo Craig Zadan and Neil Meron to a three movie deal, meaning at long last Jennifer Love Hewitt in Hello, Dolly! is no longer just a pipe dream. [Variety]
· Director Zack Snyder is reteaming with his 300 team for The Last Photograph, about "a photograph that becomes the catalyst for a journey two abs-licious men undertake through war-torn Afghanistan, upon which they meet a really gay bald guy with a jangly nose-ring." We're there! [Variety]
· Will Smith's Overbrook Entertainment is making a "major push" into TV, including Hitch the sitcom, based on the movie of the same name we'd sooner apply a Braun hand-blender to our privates than see. [THR]
· Is Will Ferrell video hub FunnyorDie.com "coasting on the fumes of Landlord?" If so, they may wanna consider giving Pearl a bigger trailer and a piece of the viral backend. [THR]

And our comment of the week gold star (no, it's not worth $20,000—it's worth our admiration, and is therefore arguably much, much more valuable) goes to commenter thehmsbeagle, for the best list of reasons women don't bother going to the movies we've ever read. (Example: "c) [Maybe if movies didn't] Act like Vera Farmiga's role in THE DEPARTED was "A fucking awesome part for a woman" (WHAT.)") [Defamer]

The search warrants are flying this morning—eight in total—in connection with Anna Nicole Smith's death. Already raided were the homes of Smith's psychiatrist Dr. Khristine Eroshevich (Howard K. Stern is rumored to have been there at the time), and Dr. Sandeep Kapoor, Smith's methadone-dispensing doctor and gay-pride floatmate. A press alert tells us Attorney General Brown will be making a statement at 11:00. Developing... [TMZ]

With Friday finally here, your booze-infused weekend a mere nine call-rolling hours away, we thought we'd celebrate with a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog segment aired on Late Night with Conan O'Brien last night, in which 80's-hair-rock-titan turned middle-aged-lesbian Jon Bon Jovi revisited his encounter with the horny and vicious Rottweiler. We won't give away some of Triumph's best lines, except to say there's one involving Richie Sambora and a potentially damaging use of a curling iron that made our day.

Breaking up is hard to do. Yesterday it was leaked that Madonna would be leaving her long-time record label Warner Music, in favor of the younger, hotter Live Nation to the tune of a $120 million contract. And like all jilted lovers, Warner has responded by saying they're totally cool with it. In fact, they even went so far as to write a report titled For $120 Million, She's All Yours. (No, we're not kidding.) Variety has featured some choice excerpts of said report, and here they are now along with translations of all that PR speak into plain English:

While we at Defamer aren't typically in the business of reporting about any award that isn't voted upon by industry guilds or the George Lopez-Loving People, we nevertheless feel obliged to relay the news that former Vice President and Lifetime Friend to Prius-Driving Hollywood Types Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Prize today, along with his colleagues from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. (You'll think us crazy, but we dreamed this would happen, in an epic nighttime hallucination involving Leonardo DiCaprio applying suntan lotion to Gore's back on a polar ice cap melted down to approximately the size of a manhole cover.) Leave it to the British, then, to acid rain on his Peace Prize parade: