While CBS has yet to announce their inevitable take on the tragic demise of Benazir Bhutto, leading to employment windfalls for Kim Delaney and Edward James Olmos, with a special appearance by Meredith Baxter as Sen. Hillary Clinton, a Pakistani film studio has announced that they would be producing their own version of the story. Calls into Angelina Jolie's agents revealed that while they were "unaware of the project," it was "fairly safe to say" their client would be playing the lead. [THR]

· Though it's an extremely slow post-New Year's night for music, at least the Hotel Cafe's doors remain open, which presents Jimmy Gnecco and April Bauer for your listening pleasure. Elsewhere, The Smell is offering a potentially less relaxing bill of Megafuckers and Child Pornography.
· For those intimidated by the sound of that Child Pornography show, the UCB Theatre provides the civilized refuge of Journey to the Asscrack of the Earth.
· As part of AFI's 100 Years... 100 Passions series (they never run out of lists over there, do they?), the ArcLight screens David Lean's Dr. Zhivago at their Hollywood location.

Though no stranger to the inevitable backlash a comedian with indie cred will suffer by cashing the occasional easy paycheck to participate in a family film with no greater artistic aim than briefly quieting a theater full of overmedicated six-year-olds, onetime Dr. Doolittle 2 and Curious George cameo-maker David Cross was nevertheless unprepared for the intensity with which overflowing handfuls of critical excrement hit his personal fan for deciding to join the cast of current box office juggernaut Alvin and Chipmunks. Inspired by a "snide comment" recently directed his way by Ratatouille's Patton Oswalt, who had previously turned down the same Chipmunks part but had the good fortune of being offered a voiceover role in an Oscar-quality CGI-critter film, Cross takes to his website to explain the series of Mitigating Factors that went into that particular career choice:

The ongoing, late night room-service-binging odyssey of Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, a swarthy former paparazzo turned platonic (but open to more!) confidante continued with news from usmagazine.com that the two spent the wee morning hours at the Parker Palm Springs:

We honestly don't know who at CNN had the brass cojones to sign off on the pairing of Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper to host their 2008 countdown festivities, but if this seven-minute clip is any indication, we just may have witnessed the birth of a New Year's Eve tradition. Like a glass-closeted Dean Martin and fag-hag Jerry Lewis, Griffin & Cooper elevated the art of ball-drop-anticipatory comedic banter to new heights. (Kathy: "My balls are freezing." Anderson: "We have some eggnog in the truck." Kathy: "Well I've got to watch my figure— I'm not like you." Anderson: "Don't worry, I'm not watching your figure either." *Gay rimshot!*)

As a series of disconcertingly giddy commercials running roughly every five minutes on NBC have undoubtedly already informed you, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien return to work Wednesday night without their striking writing staffs, kicking off a sure-to-be diverting run of pathetically crippled late-night fare that will provide all the cringeworthy moments the trainwreck-loving viewing public can handle. (Defamer videographer Molly McAleer has just returned from the picket line outside The Tonight's Show's Burbank studio, where she polled marching WGA members on their feelings about Leno's line-crossing. Preview of our upcoming video: They're not thrilled!)

We don't think a certain, syndicated entertainment news program had succumbed to hyperbole when they recently dubbed Sex and the City: The Movie "the single most anticipated event in history"—the rapid decline of global civilization in the early aughts has been directly tied by many designer-footware academics to a lack of Sushi Samba-based cosmo klatsches since the show left the airwaves. Of course, that the reunion happened at all is a miracle, particularly when one considers that the more accommodating of the City quadrumvirate were given bonuses just for having been subjected to Kim Cattrall:

· While the AMPTP's member companies insist that internet will remain a revenue-deficient wasteland in perpetuity, they seem to be doing quite well in their multiplex-based lines of business, as an unprecedented six major studios have crossed the $1 billion threshold in 2007. Fox joined Paramount, Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, and Universal in the Billion Dollar Club behind this weekend's Alvin and the Chipmunks performance, while the 'Mount won the overall market share title thanks to DreamWorks-supplied Shrek and Transformers. Congratulations to all of the faceless corporate entities further enriched by the bad taste of the American moviegoing public! [Variety]
· We take back what we just said about ticket-buyers' poor taste, as instant classic and prohibitive Best Picture favorite National Treasure: Book of Secrets was rightly rewarded with another $55.4 million over the five-day holiday weekend. [THR]

For what to think about Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley's wedding just before Christmas (OK! has the photo exclusive), we turn to the opinionated Livejournal peanut gallery at Oh No They Didn't, never ones to mince their words lest they hurt the bride's feelings on her special day: "he has nice eyelashes." "dress is fug and so is he" "I hate her dress. The ruffles are ugly." "despite the dress she is so beautiful." "MADDD PHOTOSHOP and that dress is HIDEOUS" "Aww!" "what is wrong with that dudes face?" "Hate her guts, but love the dress Also, he looks supes gay" [ONTD]

Today marks the launch of io9, our brand-spanking-new Gawker Media sister site (the first work day of the new year is a busy one back at our corporate mothership) that seeks to sate the appetite of sci-fi fans who think nothing of following up a 24-hour Battlestar Galactica marathon by inserting toothpicks under their weary eyelids and sitting back down for another straight day of vintage V episodes. (An unhealthy viewing orgy that may, of course, result in hallucinations that one can now unhinge one's jaw and swallow a tasty rodent whole like a ravenous Visitor.) Of particular geek interest among today's posts is this potential six-pointed blasphemy detailing why Star Trek, which has "become a microcosm of everything that's wrong with science fiction," should have been allowed to stay dead, a rallying cry for anyone who feels that it's cruel that a greedy studio insists on trying to pump life back into the original James T. Kirk's bloated corpse. Drop by and say hello to editor Annalee Newitz and her crew, then stick around to learn how semen is being used to control women's sexual urges, or some Doctor Who infoporn.

Elfin MySpace celebrity Tila Tequila rocked the competitive reality show dating world with MTV's A Shot at Love by adding a bisexual wrinkle to the staid genre. Sadly, all the contestants' valiant efforts at squeegeeing melted chocolate out of their nether regions were for naught, as Tequila revealed that she and chosen contestant Bobby Banhart have already gone their separate ways—conveniently opening the door for another entertaining rutting contest for the hand of the little agave-based party animal:

Not only has the producer of CGI-animated megahit Garfield offered the Berlin Zoo $5 million to turn the story of snuggly German superstar Knut The Tragically Rejected Polar Bear Cub into a family-friendly blockbuster, but he's dreaming big about casting the potential voiceover talent after being inspired by a certain celebrity toddler's recent visit to the animal's home: "I see the heartwarming relationship between Knut and his caretaker, Thomas Doerflein at the center of the movie ... Suri [Cruise] could speak the English voice of Knut." Though it would seem a natural fit to try and also attach Suri's proud stage father as the caretaker, the producer for now is limiting his casting ambitions to the youngest member of the Cruise clan because, "I think we all need to see how the public reacts to Tom's performance in Valkyrie before offering him another role as one of Germany's national heroes. If he can't pull off the Nazi-hunter gig convincingly, we don't want that tainting our Knut project." [People.com]

Playwright and Brothers & Sisters EP Jon Robin Baitz has spilled out his feelings about being "ousted, not fired, an important distinction," from the series he created, though he fails to mention what that distinction is. (We think one ends with the extension of a middle finger and the sound of a door slamming, and the other precedes those with a farewell dinner at Chaya.) Baitz covers a lot of ground in his 5000-word meditation (and that's just part two!) on what it means to leave Hollywood for New York's always-welcoming, rodent-infested embrace, recalling behind-the-scenes power struggles—no McChokeyGates, thank heavens, but Rob Lowe did tend to get pissy if you failed to tell him how nice he looks at the table reads—to his online dating adventures in the "world capital of loneliness." (Baitz obviously a man who never wintered in Bydgoszcz, Poland.) And as for its treatment of the gracefully aging, well—for shame, L.A., for shame:

Happy return of the Late Night talk shows day! Tonight, our long national vaguely annoying situation preceding the nightmares is over. Letterman, Conan, Leno, and the Scottish guy are all taping new episodes for air tonight. Above, Richard Blakeley photographed Letterman's Ed Sullivan theater, quietly free of picketing scribes—because Letterman's production company negotiated a deal with the WGA, meaning he gets staff-penned material and writer-sympathetic guests. Like Robin Williams tonight! Leno has former fatty and scary/affable GOP prez contender Mike Huckabee. If anyone spots any picket-crossing or writerly unrest outside the Conan studios, or anywhere else, let us know. Related: Dave Dumps Trump For Robin; Jay Says "Huck You!" By Booking Mike [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

While the WGA picket lines that have become important stops for local tour-bus drivers looking to show visitors to our fine city the stalled dream-making factories where their favorite films and television shows were once made have generally featured enough exciting musical performances, adorable striking babies, and occasional attempted vehicular manslaughters to keep their paying customers entertained, the protests have thus far lacked the A-list star power the public expects from such large-scale Hollywood productions. Today's LAT wonders why the cream of the showbusiness crop has yet to join the pizza-proferring efforts of lesser (read: TV-based) lights in showing solidarity with the WGA's cause:

Happy 2008! Though we're still trying to pry off the confetti stubbornly cemented to various body parts by dried champagne (please, don't press us for details on the exact places we're having a hard time de-spangling), we're ready for whatever Hollywood nonsense the new year holds. But first, we have an announcement to make: Our Defamer family is expanding, as we've brought aboard an old friend to be our first Managing Editor. Please welcome Mark Graham to the fold, who'll be dealing with the administration of the site, spearheading the expansion of some features (photos and videos and what-have-you), and handling all the fun responsibilities that go along with growing our little part of the Gawker Media Worldwide Blogging Concern. Mark's a recent refugee from VH1's online operations, the proprietor of the seminal blogspot Whatevs, and, amazingly, still fascinated with at least one half of the post-conjoined Olsen twins. Please direct all well wishes and gift baskets (hint: he's a red-velvet cupcake guy) here.

· Apropos of nothing save our own need to get the f'hell out of here (we have tuxedo fittings, noisemaker sound checks, and blind champagne testings to get to), we thought we'd rerun our personal favorite video of the year—QVC chicks getting down! We can only hope to party half as hard as the comfotunic-selling ladies of shop-at-home television did early in October.
· We bid three fond farewells to our departing Gawker comrades.
· Worker 3116 imagines what Alien Vs. Predator Vs. A Crowd of Fussygussy New Year's Eve Party Guests might sound like.
· "For Lease - Trendy Area - Not Here - This Clearly Not Trendy - We Know That - What We Look Like - Hick From Van Nuys" [via Franklin Ave]

And so we come to Part IV, the final chapter of our Defamer 2007 Year in Review. May 2008 bring conflict resolution, good health, and love:

People's 25 Best Celeb Photos of '07 has a little something for everyone, from a nippy, wet-T-shirted Brad Pitt hoisting Pax and Zahara, to Lindsay Lohan flashing her signature peace-sign in a bikini, gold fuck-me pumps, and a SCRAM. How could 2008 possibly top that? [People]

Because there's literally minutes left to the end of the year, and we'd like to leave you all with nice things, here's a photo of proud new dads Mark Ruffalo and Ethan Hawke. Mark, she has your eyes, and Ethan, she has your ears. We couldn't be happier for you. [WOW Report]