Rumors that notorious SNL line-flubber Jimmy Fallon might replace Conan O'Brien following his move to The Tonight Show have been floating around for over a year now. But today, Fox News adds some real substance to all the chatter by boldly reporting that "it's a done deal." Debates will inevitably and endlessly ensue regarding Fallon's ability to fill the shoes of everyone's favorite red head (with all apologies to the late Lucille Ball), especially considering Fallon's lack of experience as a writer or improviser. More details from Fox on how Fallon is handling the news and when we can expect an official announcement, after the jump.

Word just over the transom at Defamer HQ notes that Wesley Snipes's tax-evasion hobby will cost him dearly — as in three years in federal prison. Not even character-boosting letters from Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson were enough in the end to save Snipes from his fate, which was saluted today by US attorney Robert O'Neill: "[Y]ou have to pay your taxes. ... To continually just say, 'I don't owe taxes, you must show me why I owe taxes,' it seemed his position was ludicrous."

Variety today predicted that next month could be Hollywood's biggest May ever, with four consecutive weeks of big titles — Iron Man, Speed Racer, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Indiana Jones 4 — leading the way into the more conventional blockbuster season of June and July. Of course, it was only a couple of weeks ago when some analysts suggested that a weak May hinted at an overall weak summer to come, but Pamela McClintock takes a more optimistic view: "For studios, the question isn't whether three of the May films can shoot past the $300 million mark domestically, as Spider-Man 3, Shrek the Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End ultimately did," she notes. "The question is whether the product is strong enough as a whole to make up for the lack of the three mega-franchises. ... Speed Racer, rated PG, may not open as big as the others but could have strong legs." Also of note: the bankable chick flicks Made of Honor and Sex and the City, whose $100 million won't be enough to break those studio heads' falls if and when their tentpoles snap. We'll know where to look for casualties in about a month. [Variety]

Just when we thought reality TV couldn't sink any lower, Fox has officially scraped the bottom of the cringeworthy barrel by ordering a JD Roth-produced pilot called Bad Dads. The series, originally titled Deadbeat Dads until Mike Darnell christened it with its new name, depicts divorced fathers who've refused to pay child support, ambushing them at their ritzy country clubs on camera and forcing them to pay up. Playing the Chris Hansen role is some guy from a child-protection agency, who will go so far as to "make their lives miserable - foreclose on their house...repossess their car...all for a noble cause"! Roth, the reality wunderkind behind The Biggest Loser and Beauty And The Geek, claims the series aims to provide "justice for women." Which sounds lovely, but how exactly will pointing out just how mean and "bad" men are week after week warm our hearts?

Wednesday marked the first time in four days that Jason Segel didn't publicly recount his bestselling short story Getting Dumped While Naked, but that didn't keep his bare ween off the minds of close observers from Videogum to Vanity Fair. While one went the think-y route in exploring the Segel's phallus phenom, the other was the first to procured a screenshot of the actor's famous wang in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Guess which was which? Or just follow the jump for your prurient full-frontal fix. Remember, NSFW!

· The Hiphopotamus will be taking on the Rhymenocerous in a fight to the death when Flight of the Conchords play at Amoeba today. Also on tap, The Black Heart Procession at the Troubadour, Caribou at the El Rey. Bonus video of our favorite FOTC song after the jump!
· The L.A. Times "innovations expert"-turned-editor Russ Stanton speaks tonight about the slipping circulation and slashed budgets that face not only the LAT, but newspapers around the country. At the Steve Allen Theater. Ten bucks says he blames blogs.
· As loyal Defamer readers are well aware, director Errol Morris' Standard Operating Procedure examines the 2004's Abu Ghraib prison scandal. The Hammer screens it tonight, complete with some Q&A action with producer Julie Ahlberg & executive producer Diane Weyerman. [via Flavorpill]

One time successful prop comedian Carrot Top has traded in the suitcase of props in for a position as a mall security guard. More specifically, Carrot Top's new beat covers the Third Street Promenade's Abercombie & Fitch. As The Top explained, his rationale for making the move into security was two-fold:
1) It makes full use of his muscles
2) He gets paid exclusively in polo shirts and cargo shorts

This just in! Swaggering $3 million man and new Yoko Ono lawsuit target Ben Stein responds to his latest nemesis via press release: "So Yoko Ono is suing over the brief Constitutionally protected use of a song that wants us to 'Imagine no possessions'? Maybe instead of wasting everyone's time trying to silence a documentary she should give the song to the world for free? After all, 'imagine all the people sharing all the world...You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the World can live as one.'" No doubt a fitting rejoinder from a man who once provided legal counsel to Richard Nixon. Good luck, Ben! [Movie City Indie]

Long ago, we witnessed the frightening effects a bad weave can have on someone like Tyra Banks. Then, we had the misfortune of seeing what happens when John Travolta grew crops of fake hair atop his jolly head. And of course, who can forget Jude Law's T-bone-shaped crew cut earlier this week. But leave it to sanitation worker/phone-throwing criminal Naomi Campbell to reveal the worst and most gruesome display of 'do disasters. Seems even legendary female supermodels who've made a living off their looks can suffer from a condition we've often seen featured on late-night infomercials: ladies losin' their hair. The evidence lies after the jump.

As one might have expected following the opening-weekend success of his anti-Darwinism documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Required, everybody in town wants a piece of Ben Stein. Among them: Yoko Ono, a huuuuuge Stein fan from back in his Nixon speechwriting days who nevertheless bristled at the part of the film that featured "Imagine" without the John Lennon estate's permission:

Has Joe Simpson gone from a pimpy fame-hungry Dadager to a bonafide nutcase? Not that we're surprised or anything, but his recent interferences with daughter Jessica's "relationship" with quarterback Tony Romo suggest there may be a few gurney-riding trips in his future. As OK! reports this week, Joe's intrusive behavior has Romo's family feeling like their son is being used and, even more disturbing, he showed up uninvited to a private Mexico vacation Jess and Tony took earlier this year. According to OK's source, "Whatever hopes Tony had of his relationship with Jessica turning into something real pretty much ended with Joe's stunt. According to his friends, they're pretty much just friends with benefits." But judging from Jess's romantic past, isn't Friend With Benefits pretty much her primary career these days?

Since film critics' heads began rolling en masse at newspapers and magazines a little over a month ago, the debate over the job's future has ignited deep thoughts from New York to Los Angeles. The discussion turned especially profound this week as a selection of esteemed critics moved on to slapping anyone and anything that would stand still long enough to absorb their blows. Follow the jump for our favorite sallies of critic-on-critic violence:

A distraught Rachel McAdams left the Mac Store after waiting over half an hour to get some help with her recently purchased MacBook. McAdams was at the end of line of people who apparently were incapable of understanding how their iPod worked. It was then that McAdams decided to fall back on training she received on the set of Mean Girls; she sighed and paced around the Genius Bar in a real huff, exuding all of the bitchy qualities that Lindsay Lohan taught her, but it was all for naught. McAdams then asked the person ahead in line if she could go ahead of him, but the man explained that if he doesn't get his iPod fixed ASAP, he can't work out. And if he can't work out, he'll gain weight and get depressed. He closed by saying that McAdams wouldn't want that hanging over her head.

Remember when The Learning Channel was proudly cheesy? Back when they featured all those low-budget Baby Stories and Wedding Stories and any kind of Story that would set housewives' hearts aflutter? Well, it looks like those TLC-loving housewives are in store for something a bit more glamorous. According to the NY Daily News, diamond-drenched new mother of twins Jennifer Lopez is gearing up to invite us into her and vampire-like husband Marc Anthony's home to "deliver a slice of [Lopez's] life that audiences have never seen before, as she takes on her career and launches a new fragrance while trying to juggle her new responsibilities as a first-time mom." While we couldn't be more excited to watch Lopez cook enchiladas that Anthony will eventually purge, we're noticing a trend. Namely, that previously straight-laced networks like TLC and Lifetime have taken notice of Bravo's success and, thus, are beginning to follow their bold footsteps by greenlighting programs that strongly appeal to the gay and lesbian community.

On any given day, the snail trails of some rather wretched publicists are always likely to streak the floor at Defamer HQ. As such, we'd like to take a rare moment to recognize one of the genuinely great guys in the business: Jeremy Walker, who, we're distressed to learn, may be exiting stage left after a hiatus this summer — but not before offering up a candid, must-read reality check for Hollywood's increasingly defensive Publicity-Industrial Complex:

As you attend to last-minute arrangements and packing for this weekend's Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (Off! brand Andy Dick Repellent? Check...Sarah Jessica Parker inflatable love doll? Check...), we guide you to these handy timetables of set times, paying particular attention to an artist scheduled to appear shortly after 2 p.m. Sunday.

Following in the steps of Academy Award winner and mega MILF Gwyneth Paltrow, Hollywood's resident goodie two shoes Mandy Moore decided to reveal a bit of her kinkier side via her fancy footwear. Moore has been looking to move beyond "the girl everybody loves and cares for" parts into something more meaty and interesting. Moore said, "The good girl rarely wears a shoe that could be used a weapon to murder somebody. I want people to be AFRAID of what I could do with my shoes. I'm sick of people of wanting to hug me and talk about how much they loved A Walk To Remember. I want to be scary, yet adorable." Upon completing her diatribe, Moore tripped and fell and muttered something under her breath about how she should've never listened to her stupid stylist in the first place.

After an internet-wide tweenhunt for missing That's So Raven star Orlando Brown turned up virtually every known Orlando in existence (including former Baltimore Ravens offensive tackle Orlando Brown) save the Disney Channel star in question, people began to fear the worst. We're thrilled to report, however, that the young actor has resurfaced, and is doing just fine:

Finally! Something constructive has emerged from film culture's ongoing Uwe Boll Career Deathwatch, and it involves all of us. To wit: "The Uwe Boll Movie Challenge," which encourages amateurs to make films using the infamously poor standards Boll has been railing about these last few weeks. Think of it like Be Kind Rewind, but with the guiding light of a German hack as opposed to a French aesthete. Check out the criteria after the jump, and get to work already:

A startling revelation from the '60s emerged this week when Dan Richter, who played the contemplative ape in the prologue of 2001: A Space Odyssey, acknowledged a top-level, primate-swiping security breach on Stanley Kubrick's set. It all started with the embittered recollection of losing a special 1968 Make-Up Oscar to Planet of the Apes — and then, like a slo-mo bone in the prehistoric sky, the conspiracy theories flew: