· We realize yesterday's clip sucked, so to make it up to you, here's an interview conducted by Enrique Iglesias's mole with its former host-body that verges on the sublime. [holamun2.com]
· Looking for a job? Gavin Polone needs an assistant! It's sure to be a challenging yet incredibly rewarding position for someone aspiring to a career in the industry...BWAAAHAHAHAHA! [entertainmentcareers.net]
· Smashing Pumpkin's Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin were inducted to the Rockwalk outside the Guitar Center today, where "a hundred or so fans turned up, outnumbered by the media and assorted band hangers-on." Sheesh, even Reuters is hatin' on the 'kins. [Reuters]
· Universal is suing Lionsgate for stinking up Midnight Run's legacy by putting one of its characters in a Larry the Cable Guy movie. [THR Esq.]
· Noted parrot fetishist Megan Fox tops FHM's poll of the 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2008, while various Jessicas round out the top five. [hmonline.com]

The Smoking Gun has uncovered yet another gem in Wesley Snipes's "Oops! I failed to pay $38 million to the IRS—but isn't that what the 861 Argument loophole is really there for? It isn't? Well, then, you're all racist!" Trial of the Century, reprinting two character reference letters recently penned by Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson. (You may recall that Snipes was acquitted of federal tax-fraud and conspiracy charges, but was convicted of a lesser count of failing to file tax returns, punishable by a potential jail term of up to 3 years.)

From the cancer-stricken title character of Brian's Song to the broken-footed novelist of Misery (don't even get us started on The Godfather), James Caan knows a thing or two about suffering onscreen. So naturally we're stunned to learn that the "creative differences" that irreparably fractured the actor's relationship with David O. Russell on the set of Nailed came down to... the proper way to choke on a cookie? "Russell asked him to cough as he choked, but Caan argued that the character couldn't cough and choke to death at the same time," wrote Gregg Goldstein today in The Hollywood Reporter. "Russell suggested that they shoot it both ways, but the actor expressed distrust that his version would be considered and left the South Carolina set." Caan's replacement has yet to be determined, but will be screened carefully by the newly wary Russell for his knowledge of (and loose adherance to) basic physiological functions. [THR]

Disney Channel star Orlando Brown has been missing since Tuesday morning, People.com reports: "The 20-year-old reportedly left his manager's house around 10:20 a.m. to make a quick trip to 7-Eleven and has not been seen since...According to Brown's publicist, Elayne Rivers, he had a full day of meetings and appointments in preparation for a photo shoot Wednesday." Based on what we know about missing persons cases from Without A Trace, the first 24 hours are the most crucial. But we've now exceeded those. So where the hell is he? Has anyone seen Orlando Brown? You have? No, not him! Not him, either! Oh, never mind—you're no help at all. Orlando, come home!

One of the all-time most popular extracurricular activities for aging actors and actresses in Hollywood is to head out to the doctor's office on a sunny day and have a little work done. And who are we to judge? But in recent years, Tara Reid-esque fake boobs and Janet Jackson-esque tummy tucks have fell out of fashion. It's now trendier to go in for more subtle nips and tucks and, according to sources, Jennifer Aniston may be a high-profile example. A recent OK! piece praised the newly youthful looking star, though much of their gushing is laced with surgical "experts" who seem certain Jen's new face has gone under the knife a few more times since her whole "deviated septum" issue:

Last week ended with a jaw-dropping memo from the desks of Patric Verrone and Michael Winship, in which the WGA presidents stated their desire to see the "puny few" who elected financial core during the writers strike to be "held at arm's length" by the rest of the membership, adding, perhaps a tad indiscreetly, "and should the vats of boiling tar and freshly plucked chicken feathers sitting outside our office be of some use to you, so be it." Now, the 28 black-listees have found an unlikely ally in this ugly fracas, with arch WGA nemesis the AMPTP having filed a complaint today with the Natl. Labor Relations Board, in which they claim the letter violated federal law.

In "You're So Money," 20-something financial reporter Farnoosh Torabi tells readers they can satisfy their sophisticated tastes and achieve financial bliss. The key, she writes, is prioritizing your expenses according to what you want the most — splurging when you can and saving on other things. CHECK OUT AN EXCERPT AND ENTER TO WIN A COPY OF THE BOOK.

Rush Hour trilogy director Brett Ratner viciously fought off the accusations that he ordered his current girlfriend off an internet website. Ratner told reporters that he comes from Hollywood, where literally hundreds of women like her can be found working at Hot Dog on a Stick. He then launched into a horrid impression of Al Pacino's character from Scarface. Ratner said, "In Hollywood, you gotta make the money first (Ratner made the international hand gesture for check). Then when you get the money, you get the power (Ratner made the gesture again). Then when you get the power, then you get the women." Ratner then pointed to his girlfriend and added, "If you have a passion for making soulless, loud action films, then you'll probably end up with somebody like her, too. It's easier than you'd think."

If the long national nightmare that is Al Pacino's career decline wasn't set to continue later this year with his cop-schlocky Robert De Niro/Jon Avnet reteaming Righteous Kill, then maybe we would have simply Lysol-ed away the scourge of 88 Minutes after its opening weekend and left it at that. But seeing as even Pacino's own producer has seen fit to pile on in Patrick Goldstein's latest column, we think a prolonged period of mourning is in order after the jump.

· Your evening's musical selections include Architecture in Helsinki at the Echo, Her Space Holiday at the Troubadour and Nellie McKay at Largo. Or, you could head over to the NME Awards, which boast The Lemonheads, Mick Jones' Carbon/Silicon, Does It Offend You Yeah? and Jane's Addiction - reuniting for the umpteenth time - at the El Rey.
· The Skirball, whose Bob Dylan retrospective has been going on for what seems like years at this point, gives the man props again with a tribute concert featuring Zack de la Rocha, John Doe, Michael Franti and Lucinda Williams performing covers of his work.
· Nothing warms our heart more than men cooking. UCB presents Cookies! A Cooking Show "for guys who don't cook by guys who barely cook."

The American Idol Karaokedome threatened to topple in on itself last night when the six remaining competitors tackled the songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber—the musical equivalent of glucose-fortified pancake syrup, next to which the typical Idol pablum starts looking and sounding like a GWAR concert.

After posting our positively gorgeous presentation of the most horrific sex scenes to ever grace the big screen, we're delighted to learn of two new additions to the list. At a recent screening for Then She Found Me, starring Matthew Broderick, Colin Firth, and Helen Hunt (where has she been hiding by the way?), ex-couple Helen and Matthew gleefully dished to the NY Daily News on just what to expect during two reportedly not-so-steamy sex romps featured in the film. As the reporter informs us:

Hercules star Kevin Sorbo got a bit too excited when he saw a photographer as he entered Madeo restaurant and pushed his date out of the shot. After a few pictures, Sorbo apologize to his date by buying her a very large drink. Then, according to sources, he explained that "It is only a second date" and "Well, if maybe you had let me get to second base on the first date, then maybe we could've posed together." After all, they're still testing the relationship waters. The girl took a sip of her drink, nodded and said, "Yeah, I gotta go."

We've always tended to label the polished, well-spoken Gwyneth Paltrow as one of those overly perfect women you want to hate but, irritatingly, can't muster up any good reasons to. But thanks to her recent habit of promoting Iron Man across the globe while wearing some of the most fierce, outlandish, downright kinky pairs of shoes, we officially have no desire to hate the girl anymore. From Rome to London to New York, Paltrow's wildly varied kickers range from towering 7-inch beauties to strappy lace-up ankle booties. And we (well, I) want 'em all. A closer look at Gwyneth's racy choices after the jump.

"I got dumped once while naked..." So begins the umpteenth and (we think) final televised retelling of Jason Segel's exceedingly well-practiced cock-flaunting anecdote from the set of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Seeing as he took pains to mix it up a little last night on The Tonight Show, we're almost sorry to see him step off the publicity roundabout just when his improvisatory spirit was just taking flight: "This is the first time [in my career] I might start getting recognized," he told Jay Leno. "Every person who's come up to me is staring directly at my crotch!" See? Now that's a story! [NBC]

Academy Award winner Russell Crowe decided to turn the tables on the paparazzi Tuesday afternoon after years of being on the other side of the camera. Yet after taking a few pictures of the dudes from TMZ and X17, Crowe became bored. That is, until Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt walked by and joined in on the snap session. After the demonic reality stars disappeared into a store, Crowe told one of his fellow photographers that he hadn't felt this alive since the birth of his children and now understands why they spend all those long nights in garbage dumps.

· A bumper crop of comedies are set for release in the coming months, including Baby Mama, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Sex and the City, What Happens in Vegas, and Made of Honor, some of which could actually be classified as comedies! [Variety]
· An "intimate upfront...at Soho house" unveiled Oxygen's new tagline ("live out loud," whatever that means), as well as their new logo ("the black, lower-case 'oxygen' inside the yellow letter 'O,' which is tilted to one side"). Save it for your iVillage blog, Zucker. [Variety]

Since put-upon, soon-to-retire film critic David Ansen officially has nothing to lose by prattling on at length over at Newsweek, expect a lot more pieces like the one in the magazine's current issue. To wit: Hollywood movies have lousy endings! And: Here, let me give them all away!

Michael Cieply's latest dispatch from the Tom Cruise beat inventories the wreckage from the mid-air collision that is Valkyrie and United Artists, including exclusive interviews with hobbled pilots Paula Wagner and Bryan Singer. For Singer's part, he's fine to let the film speak for itself if and/or when it's ever completed and released. But for Wagner, Cruise's UA partner and designated press scold, skeptics like us just! Don't! Get it!

We honestly thought there was no way we'd be able to shoehorn a reference to the NHL playoffs—and, more specifically, a tuque-tip to our beloved Habs, who dismembered the Bruins 5-0 Monday, inciting one of many dépanneur-looting riots to come—in this space. But that was before we came across this beyond-inspired gallery at SI.com, placing some of the lesser-known faces under the helmets alongside their celebrity doppelgangers. The effect, in certain instances, is nothing short of astonishing, introducing a whole new audience to the likes of Sharks goalie Evgeni "Chino" Nabokov, and Penguins center Sidney "Stick in a Box" Crosby.