Celebrity Hospitalization Week continues here at Defamer with some distressing news from the sweat-soaked-leotard world of So You Think You Can Dance. No sooner did we note that Fox had picked up another season of the series—a reality competition seeking America's Top Krumping Ballroom Cha Cha Champion—comes news that two of the final four contestants were hospitalized for failing to keep up with the grueling demands of the show's whip-cracking, belegwarmered creator, Nigel Lythgoe. From People.com:

After "going gay" for Samantha Ronson, is there anything left in the tabloid till for cinema alumna Lindsay Lohan? According to the ever-reliable UK fishwrap News of the World, there is: in a bid to retake the headlines stolen by little sister Ali, Lindsay and her sapphic sweetheart Sam are planning to get hitched (an anniversary present that somehow eluded our suggestions). Says the excitable Rav Singh:

While walking the carpet at the Teen Choice Awards, popular singer/actress Scarlett Johansson bent over when she noticed that someone had dropped a stack of business cards on the ground. The Scoop star bent down in a ladylike manner to pick up the discarded business cards, much to the dismay of the surrounding lensmen hoping to score a gossip blog friendly shot. A group of men ahead of Johansson dropped another set of business cards, but Johansson just stared at cards, shook her head and moved her fingers using the universal sign for "naughty naughty."

·First they try to Poochie-up Ebert & Other Guy, now this: In a bid to appeal to a younger audience, Beauty and the Geek host Mike Richards has been hired to take over showrunning duties on The Price is Right. Which strikes us as just plain wrong: white trash grandmas and TPIR go together like mayonnaise and cold hot dogs. (But if that's really the plan, they might want to start with canning Drew Carey, who we literally noticed nodding off during a not-particularly-gripping round of Mountain Climber recently.) [Variety]
·The TCA—whom we've suggested might best be taken off life-support and sent to that all-expense-paid junket in the sky—will come three weeks later next year, in the hopes of giving the critics attending some idea of what it is they are covering. [Variety]
· E! has paid New Line $7 million for rights to broadcast the Sex and the City movie, The Women, and He's Just Not That Into You, with an eye towards launching a new weekly program entitled Ryan Seacrest Presents: My Favorite Movies of All Time. [Variety]
· Disney purchased the rights to Monster Attack Network, a graphic novel set on a tropical island inhabited by giant monsters which they assure us will be adapted into a kick-ass monster island movie, not "the artsy farty Spike Jonze thing over at Warner Bros." [THR]
· Fox has picked up another season of So You Think You Can Dance, and EP/judge/longwinded-speechifier Nigel Lythgoe has reportedly left American Idol after seven seasons to concentrate solely on it. [THR]

Just when it seemed that the Verne Troyer abuse imbroglio couldn't sink any lower, his ex, Ranae Shrider, drops a new bombshell: the diminutive actor used to attack her dogs with his reaching stick! Says Shider's rep, Holly Bannon, to Us Weekly:

Hollywood triple threat Ben Affleck must be looking to add another talent onto his resume as he displayed his undercover tipping skills. Affleck did not want to make a big spectacle out of tipping the limousine driver in front of the camera, so he decided to slip it into his coat pocket. Affleck said, "I'm going to tell him to check his pockets once he drops us off. I think he's going to be happy with what he discovers." Affleck picked up the move from a rerun of Friends he saw while on his trip and plans on using the trick very often in the near future. Affleck said, "If you see the Benster, you better check your pockets cause you may find a very nice present."

It's a bad day to be a celebrity: as Morgan Freeman recovers from a car accident that left him in serious condition, actors Christina Applegate and Bernie Mac grapple with health problems of their own. People has the Applegate scoop:

A Morgan Freeman Car Accident Update, in Which Things Don't Sound As Dire As We Feared: News reports claim the star of Wanted and The Dark Knight was "lucid, conscious," at the time of the rescue. "He was talking, joking with some of the rescue workers at one point.” When someone tried to take a cellphone picture at the accident site, he joked, "No freebies, no freebies.” His condition is still listed as serious, with only a broken arm specified among his various injuries. Fellow wreck survivor Shia—his own hand currently "crushed" but recovering—is giving him a fist-bump from the heart. [commercialappeal.com]

As we teased Friday, courtesy of the deep, deep pockets of the celebrity-baby-photo-crazy people at People, we bring you the first electronically captured and distributed images of The Chosen Blobs, the second and third genetically flawless products of Angelina Jolie's overtaxed loins. Similar in golden hue to their older sister—but providing twice the miraculous healing and war-ending properties—little Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline are pictured napping peacefully beneath their enraptured parents, cute enough to be devoured like two tiny, butter-poached escargots.

Like the blood-sucking vampires dramatized by their idol, fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon are always hungry, letting no series, comic book or musical web-blog go unconsumed. Into their gaping maw, then, we throw this: a just-surfaced clip from the pilot presentation for Whedon's aborted, animated Buffy spinoff. The gang's all here (sans series star Sarah Michelle Gellar), and even though the project was terminated years ago, it's a nostalgic hoot. Plus, cartoon Giles? Strangely alluring.

While the early eyewitness accounts of last week's Blonsky Family Reunion and Airport Rumble yielded enough specifics to suss young star Nikki Blonsky's injuries, it wasn't until today that we've finally seen the video that we knew would surface in the bloody aftermath. And what a scene it is, featuring Blonsky's Long Island nemesis and America's Next Top Model contestant Bianca Golden standing firm as the Hairspray actress is dragged away, yelping for charges to be pressed. But what really makes the sparring special is the camerawoman's inspired commentary: "She done decked the girl out, Tracy Turnblad... She won't be dancing around here today." No kidding: Both Blonsky and Golden were later charged with actual bodily harm (which, according to People Magazine, carries a maximum sentence of two years), while Blonsky's father Carl faces even sterner judgment — a five-year maximum on charges of grievous bodily harm. And at the end of it all stands the steely-eyed Golden, prompting us to wonder exactly how such a lithe beauty could ever outmaneuver the infamous Blonsky Sandwich. So many questions! For now, though, follow the jump and bask in the play-by-play joy, live from Turks and Caicos. [TMZ]

Uncle Jesse would be very disappointed: according to the New York Post, Mary-Kate Olsen is refusing to speak (wait, they talk?) with federal investigators looking into the death of Heath Ledger — that is, until she receives immunity from prosecution. It seems the feds are making inquiries to determine when and from who Ledger obtained the drugs that may have led to his death, and Olsen (who, as you'll recall, was the first person called when Ledger's masseuse discovered the body) is the only one who isn't talking:

Film director Len Wiseman appeared to be slightly distracted as he left Victoria Beckham's party in Beverly Hills with his wife, actress Kate Beckinsale. Wiseman's hands could barely maintain the "ten and two" position on the steering wheel as Beckinsale's hand mysteriously disappeared below the frame. The couple's luxury car remained stopped at a traffic light on Wilshire for a few lights, much to the dismay of motorists behind the couple.

Undeterred by a signal on the moonlit sky shaped like a persnickety film critic hanging from a noose, a few courageous media voices are rising up in opposition to The Dark Knight, daring to suggest that the greatest movie ever made might actually, y'know, not be. First came the AP, which devoted a whole article to Christian Bale's throaty Batman voice, asking, "Why so sonorous?" Now, in a scene that recalls The Dark Knight's ferry-set climax, even more brave souls are daring to speak up, suggesting continuity goofs and asking important questions like, "No, seriously: what was up with that Scarecrow cameo?" The Detroit News breaks down ten of The Dark Knight's biggest head-scratchers, excerpted after the jump:

Terrible news: Morgan Freeman is in "serious condition" after the jaws of life were used to pry him out of a severe car wreck near his home in Mississippi:

Several months ago, the red-band trailer for Tropic Thunder suggested that not only could Ben Stiller's Hollywood satire be summer's most surefire gutbuster, but also that its trailer-within-a-trailer — featuring Stiller as the developmentally disabled title character of the Oscar-bait drama Simple Jack — portended perhaps the best movie never made. (And look! It even has its own Web site!) But having seen Thunder and thus the degree to which Simple Jack plays a role in the story, we think we got our fill: "You went full retard, man" Robert Downey Jr.'s Method actor (in blackface!) tells Stiller's slumping action hero. "Never go full retard." His logic is crystalline, but alas, its political incorrectness is drawing even deeper consideration this morning as disability advocates wage war on the R-Word:

Welcome to August, where besides you and that weird dude in the mailroom who collects signed photos of the Howard Stern Wack Pack, the office is eerily devoid of life. Comfort yourselves with some box office numbers: 1. The Dark Knight - $43.8 million It would seem that nothing—not untimely deaths, not huffy kin brushings, prurient pirating, not even a hero who sounds like an obscene caller with emphysema—seems capable of toppling The Dark Knight from its gargoyle perch. A third-week drop of a modest 42% gave it a close-but-comfortable win over the widely favored The Mummy: General Tso's Revenge. All hail the Knight!2. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - $42.45 million 5. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $6.875 million It may not have beaten The Dark Knight domestically, but Rob Cohen's return to incinerating vast sums of money making popcorn entertainment—his first since 2005's sociopathic-fighter-jet classic Stealth—did manage to accomplish one amazing thing: it gave Brendan Fraser two titles in the top five. That's quite a feat, only previously accomplished by the likes of The Beatles, Mariah Carey, Jenna Jameson, and Jesus, on completely different charts. 3. Step Brothers - $16.3 million We pass things along now to YouTube cultural commentator Devann Sheuerman for her insightful review. We promise she's better than Ben Lyons. 4. Mamma Mia! - $13.121 million Oh, quit resisting it already: You love Mamma Mia!, and you don't care who knows it! C'mon, everyone: Let's have a Mamma Mia! karaoke party! 6. Swing Vote - $6.3 million Kevin Costner's self-produced comeback bid, a political comedy in which One Man Really Can Make a Difference™, failed to connect with audiences, who couldn't help but notice from its marketing campaign that it appeared to be a political comedy starring Kevin Costner in which One Man Really Can Make a Difference™. Honorable Mention: Midnight Meat Train - $32,000 Lionsgate dumped this oozing-bag-of-movie-parts on 102 screens accessible only by unicorn cavalry, resulting in an unmeaty $313-per-screen average.

· Shia LeBeouf (not to mention his truck, his hand, his reputation and Transformers 2) has had better weeks. · A 5.4 earthquake left us both shaken and stirred. · The Dark Cock Knight ended its second week of mint-making and critic-threatening. · Marketing milestones included Miley Cyrus for condoms and Manoj for Hallmark. · While fans raved online, America's most respected critics gave The Hills two thumbs up. · This year's Emmy host appears to have had some major work done recently. · Republicans and celebrity: An idea whose time has come. And gone. That was fast! · Except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But Whoopi Goldberg is working on it. · A frozen George Lucas was a good (or at least a better) George Lucas. · Our own Molly McAleer celebrated Take Your Son to Work Day. · We'll ask again: Which male TV personality was caught weeping in a dollar store? · The Tomfather was implicated in Scientology Mafiagate. · A stolen story and Kevin Costner's own $20 million later, behold Swing Vote. · Ali Lohan is meeting adults! Especially the dirty old ones!

The backlash to the Dark Knight backlash isn't exactly news — not after two weeks and almost $400 million dollars silencing even the most vehement of the film's critics. But today we direct our attention to the more disturbing phenomenon of physical threats against some of those same critics, a few of whose lives have even been targeted by rogue fanboys with a taste for reviewer blood. We hardly believed it ourselves until an unsettling taxonomy of freaks coming after reviewers Jürgen Fauth and Keith Uhlich showcased the worst of it:

Is Johnny Depp Set to Celebrate His Unbirthday? Those casting rumors just continue to pile up for the actor, with unconfirmed reports that director Tim Burton has selected him to play the Mad Hatter in his forthcoming 3-D (!) adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. So far, only In Treatment's Mia Wasikowska has been confirmed to star in the megabucks live action/CGI film, but we expect an imminent announcement of Burton's wifely muse Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts (even though we'd much rather see the wild-haired actress essay the Cheshire Cat). [The Herald]