· Warner Bros. purchased the rights to the upcoming book Drink, Play, F@#K, a parody of chick-lit bestseller Eat, Pray, Love, in which a man "goes on a bender in Ireland, takes a gambling jaunt to Las Vegas and a embarks on a sex-tourism trip to Thailand." The hope is to launch a new guy-friendly franchise, with a sequel—Puke, Broke, AIDS—already in the works. [THR]
· Incomprehensible-pirate-trilogy-directing genius Gore Verbinski has signed a three-year deal with Universal, where his adaptation of the videogame Bioshock is currently in development. [Variety]
· Mark Ruffalo, last of the great Ruffalos that once covered the majestic American plains, will direct Sympathy for Delicious, about "a paralyzed DJ struggling to survive in his wheelchair on the streets of L.A." We think we can picture it: Sort of Wheels meets Glitter. [Variety]
· Aging tween idol Amanda Bynes has shaken free of CAA's deathlock embrace, disappointed that the best material they've brought her in the past six months is a script for She's The Man 2: Basic Training and an opportunity to parody the Nikki Blonsky airport beatdown on Mad TV. [THR]
·CBS is hoping to develop a series based on the book Confessions of a Contractor, but producers keep pushing up the pilot finish date and demanding more money if they expect the wiring to meet city standards. (Honk!) [Variety]

Before embarking on a sailing expedition to U2 front man Bono's house, silver fox George Clooney went over all the safety procedures for the yacht with his passengers. After his presentation — which included a PowerPoint slideshow explaining which side is port and which is starboard — Clooney wore a life preserver until the seafaring vessel docked at Bono's. While some of his passengers laughed at him, The Cloonester stood firm, largely because his aunt Rosemary always told him that he should be a leader, not a follower.

John McCain is going to love this: in what is apparently an inadvertent attempt to further the "Obama is a celebrity" meme, everyone's favorite slut rehabilitator Tyra Banks has turned up in the pages of next month's Harper's Bazaar, dressed as a Michelle Obama-ish First Lady (complete with a Barack-a-like and First Kid). Forget Tyra's Oprah envy — it's clear now that Ty-Ty has been taking her social-climbing tips from model-turned-First Lady Carla Bruni. Needless to say, the nation is not smiling with its eyes. Says Page Six (which calls the whole shoot "vaguely unsettling"):

And we don't mean Valkyrie: Word into Defamer HQ reveals that a bomb threat has been received by multiple tenants at MGM Tower, indicating that "the device would be activated at noon." The LAPD has been notified, evidently, but with the threat having yet to be verified, the building superintendents are reportedly evacuating the building from 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. We hear ICM is out already. Follow the jump for the full memo, and best wishes to those affected in Century City. Developing...

BREAKING BATNEWS: Word just over the transom says The Dark Knight has broken $400 million in domestic box office in just its 18th day of release — a new record surpassing Shrek 2's previous 43-day milestone. Defamer sources attribute yesterday's nudge to Al Gorman, a 44-year old plumber from Columbus, Ohio, in whose name Warner Bros. commemorated "the Gorman Seat" at the AMC Lennox Town Center 24 with a special plaque and new black upholstery. Gorman's health insurer, meanwhile, promptly canceled his coverage on account of his newly accursed exposure to drug overdoses, car rolling and kin-assaults. [Variety]

Busy accepting Bollywood paychecks, offering tank rides to children, and occasionally running the state of Colly-fornia, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has somehow carved time into his schedule to screen footage from the upcoming, unessential McG sequel Terminator: Salvation, starring Christian Bale as John Connor (and virtual unknown Sam Worthington as an amnesiac maybe-Terminator). So, does he give the new film a molten steel-dipped "thumbs up"? According to the LAT, not so much:

Seth Rogen adds another dimension of career versatility this week with Pineapple Express, audiences' first glimpse at his impressive action chops. As explained to David Letterman in no uncertain terms on Monday night, however, the Power Schlub — who is starting out preparations for his title role in The Green Hornet — still has a ways to go before achieving the muscular standard of his genre counterparts. For starters, we don't imagine Daniel Craig struggles as mightily with crunches as Rogen has, and even Tobey Maguire seems to have overcome the training anguish to which Rogen claims he's succumbed as unglamourously as possible. But look on the bright side, Seth: If ever Hollywood had a quick fix for a fitter, thinner you, stomach-emptying is indeed as tried-and-true a method as any. Ask anyone — and keep at it! [CBS]

Can't a little movie like Tropic Thunder catch a break? The Ben Stiller comedy has thus far managed to survive racism, ratings, "retards," and American Idol — and that's before it's even come out (Wednesday, August 13!). Still, all that was child's play compared to the newest Tropic trouble, instigated by an overzealous radio DJ who crashed the film's junket to ask Robert Downey Jr. some of the most inane questions Iron Man has ever had to face. Listen in horror as the notoriously rehabbed actor is asked which costar he'd like to “drink a brew and smoke a blunt with” (only the first of many, many stupid questions) — we've even provided a helpful assortment of what we can only imagine were Jack Black and Ben Stiller's reaction shots. Enjoy!

It seems like only yesterday that Deepak Chopra flexed his philosophical muscle in the name of The Love Guru, deflecting rumors of its anti-Hindu undercurrents in a zinger of an essay on BeliefNet: "Silliness often has wisdom hidden just beneath the surface — perhaps The Love Guru will, also, since Myers laced his Austin Powers farce with a message about tolerance — but if you can't accept silliness in the first place, you are likely to be immune to wisdom, too." Oh, but for the old times, as Guru's singular tank job, critical enmity and shocking Myers implosion provoked a reconsideration of sorts for the spirituality kingpin, who seems to have overcome his immunity to wisdom in the bitter months since Guru's release:

Much like the first day of elementary school, Katherine Heigl spent a decent portion of her first day back on set catching up with the cast and crew of the popular medical drama Grey's Anatomy. When it came to time to explain what she did over her vacation, an uncomfortable silence filled the parking lot. A pensive Heigl kicked at a few imaginary pebbles then explained that she's got to listen to her lines on her iPod in her car and added that she might check out that 'cake fart' website everybody is raving about as well.

Yesterday we put out a call for the viciously panned script of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, the upcoming film written by I-totally-fucked-that-chick blogger Tucker Max. We immediately received about a dozen copies of the script, which is apparently being forwarded around Hollywood like a list of bad lawyer jokes. I also could have said "like herpes," and I could also follow up by joking that the script is about as funny as a bad lawyer with herpes, haha. Friends, it opens with Tucker Max fucking a deaf girl and screaming "DON'T TAZE ME, BRO!." It is that bad. After the jump, three of the most terrible moments from the film's first half. Jesus, bro:

· We think it's the one who shows up to spring break with your professional beer-bongist Uncle Knobs in tow. [Brooke Knows Best] · We could spend all day reading the various captions beneath identical tabloid photos of Sylvester Stallone's veiny forearms. [Daily Mail] · There's something about Sawyer weighing in on the Chosen Blobs photos that kind of kills the whole Lost mystique—we just can't put our fingers on what that is. [ET Online] · If we told you we had access to footage of Hitler singing one of the greatest TV theme songs of all time, is that something you might be interested in? [WOW Report] · "Molly McAleer is the cute, adorably sassy, camera-friendly personality on defamer.com. We are a website looking for our Molly McAleer." We'll trade her for a pack of Marlb Meds and a handicap parking pass. [Craigslist]

Madonna's publicist isn't talking about what her clients like the Material Girl and Cher are doing to their faces ("I have never represented anyone who has spoken to me about plastic surgery. Nor have I asked them. I don’t want to know!"), but that doesn't mean the doctors, the "dermatologists" and other illustrious characters in the pageant of A-list cosmetic surgery aren't offering up a ghastly state of the union regarding their trade in this week's New York Magazine. Which naturally includes Madonna, the issue's cover girl and unauthorized representative of the New New Face — as opposed to the "Old" New Faces belonging to the mishandled likes of Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan. What's the difference? It's a little complicated, but let's start with "volumizing" — the part where you jam your own fat into your face:

Every group of friends has a Movie Nazi. You know this person: they buy the tickets a day in advance; they send the email two weeks beforehand, organizing everyone; they insist you get there at least a half hour early so you can get the best seats. You grumble, but in the end you are grateful for the Movie Nazi, especially when the movie event in question is at the Cinespia outdoor film series at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Follow along as we break down an evening spent with thousands of our closest friends for a screening of the '60s camp classic Barbarella.

The incessant squabbling between Corey Feldman and Corey Haim reached its logical conclusion on last night's The Two Coreys, when Haim—fresh off a botched chance at career resuscitation on the set of Lost Boys 2—was cornered by Pauly Shore and Todd Bridges for an intervention/'80s-TV-theme-singalong gone terrible wrong (video after the jump). What comes next is something so horrible—worse even than Feldman's ear-shredding poolside recital—that our shaking hands can barely type the words to describe it: A note left inside one of Haim's sneakers (nice touch, story editing department!) leads to a nuclear showdown between the two soured bromance partners and Mrs. Susie Sprague-Feldman. Does this mark the very end for the two lifelong friends? Will they never again stand-by-side, posing playfully with Popsicles as if they were lit stogies? We pray that's not the case, but we fail to see how they'll ever be able to replace the smoking rubble where once stood sturdy bridges. Until the next episode, at least.

David Letterman's Late Night couch has become the one-stop shop for celebrity revelations these days, whether it's Mindy Kaling breaking out her trusty Apu impression or Rosie Perez mistaking her co-star for a popular follicle stimulant. Late Show mainstay Richard Simmons at first seems poised for a similar breakthrough moment as he pulls a Tom Cruise, climbing aboard Dave's couch in this clip (preserved after the jump). However, instead of shouting out his adoration for a CW starlet, the exercise guru makes an impassioned plea for...physical education. Head in hands, Simmons' long-suffering publicist put in a reassuring call to Blake Lively ("The plan is still on — I swear!") and booked a romantic do-over on the next episode of Tyra. [CBS]

Much like peanut butter and jelly, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are considerably more enjoyable together than when they are split apart. But during the second season of The Two Coreys, the forces of nature (not to mention a shady psychologist) seem hellbent on tearing the duo apart. Things between The Coreys came to a head during last night's episode and the results shook our young videographer, Miss Molly McAleer, to her very core. In tonight's installment of To Do's, Molls makes some compelling arguments as to why her Corey allegiances lie the way they do. Enjoy!

Most gay men celebrate their coming out experience with increasing self-confidence and visibility (sometimes followed by a dark period that could be dubbed the "Fiesta Cantina stage"), and How I Met Your Mother star Neil Patrick Harris is no exception. On the heels of flamboyant moves like starring in internet musicals and dressing up as a shoe fairy, the universally-adored actor has finally lost his gay press virginity, consenting to his first cover story in Out magazine. Though he admits to some trepidation (mostly fearing that his words will be taken out of context — why, who would do that?), he's not afraid to express his affection for a certain gray-haired anchorman:

BREAKING! This just in from Trisha Gregory, Senior PR Manager for luxury footwear house Salvatore Ferragamo: "Dear All: I am writing to inform you that actor Zac Efron wore a pair of black calf ankle-boots with a strap, which wraps around the ankle and a gancini buckle, to the 2008 Teen Choice Awards held on Sunday, August 3rd 2008 in Los Angeles (please see picture attached)." Please do not flood our inbox for more information; those are all the details we have for you at the moment. [ferragamo.com]

Adventures in Procrastination: We might have found just the thing to make these long, early August weekdays tolerable: the Parallel Universe Film Guide, a sort-of comprehensive database of movies bearing uncanny likenesses to classics and not-so-classics cataloged by IMDB. We're stunned to find new favorites like 1972's The Lovablest Mafia Family in the World, the 1985 culture clash Suddenly Amish, the award-winning drama My Wild Irish Invalid and the unfinished silent classic The Night Jerker among many others, all neatly cross-referenced by star, director and even memorable quotes. If you can browse the PUFG and manage to get any more work done today, then you're just not paying attention. [PUFG via Snobsite]