Now that Scarlett Johansson is finally hitting the road to stump for the upcoming Vicky Cristina Barcelona, reporters have seized on the opportunity to ask her about the important man in her life. No, not her fiancé Ryan Reynolds — we're talking about presidential candidate/father figure Barack Obama. You may recall how the actress made headlines back in June for discussing her email relationship with Obama, a sexy media fantasy that titillated reporters before the Obama campaign itself debunked it. Now, Johansson is claiming that the whole affair got too much attention because of the media's "extreme sexism":

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The week began with dreadful news: Morgan Freeman—the beloved actor whose comforting, buttery baritone could easily convince you to rack up credit card debt in the name of international athletic competition—was in a serious car accident along with a female passenger. Because both were wearing seatbelts in the 1997 Nissan Maxima, injuries were severe, but not dire. The actor suffered a "broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder damage," and required a four-and-a-half-hour surgery to "reconnect nerves and repair damage to his left arm and hand." A spokesperson said he was walking this morning and was looking forward to returning home.

· In honor of Pineapple Express opening tomorrow, we thought we'd further promote mind-alteration with this trippy Hanna-Barbera anti-drug PSA, best enjoyed after a delicious bowl of psilocybin-and-MDMA cobbler. [Attack of the Show] · Wesley Snipes' Totally Fucking Insane Tax-Avoidance Trial of the Century yields another blow for the embattled action star: He must reimburse the government the $217,000 it cost to prosecute him. [usatoday.com] ·The whole Zack and Miri Make an NC-17 Porno ratings publicity gambit is playing itself out pretty much according to script. [AP] · Fly, balloons! Fly far, and free! Take our messages to the ends of the Earth! [b3ta.com] · We'll admit to being totally obsessed with the flatulent-frosting goings-on over at Cakefarts, but if you'd like to partake in the cakey awfulness without being subjected to something quite so graphic, Cake Wrecks provides a safe-for-the-whole-family alternative. [Cake Wrecks]

Amid all the fuss of Century City bomb threats and advances in 'retard'-positive cinema, we regret overlooking the genuinely awful news that recently befell the family of late Star Trek actor James Doohan. To wit: Old Scotty's ashes, previously intended for a intergalactic resting place via a SpaceX rocket, made it exactly no miles above the Earth before crashing into the Pacific Ocean with scores of other folks' cremains — 208 in all. But Doohan was the only one whose son, upon the third and final attempt to successfully launch the craft, was invited to write a eulogy for Boing Boing:

In lieu of simply noting the facts of this TMZ story on a lawsuit involving former Malcolm in the Middle star Justin Berfield and his producing partners on an is-it-real-or-is-it-Entourage? Pablo Escobar biopic, we thought we'd instead check in with the 24 Hr. TMZ Fact-Checking Dept.—i.e. their unpoliced comments section—for oversights, omissions, and general findings of note. Defamer's Crack Copy-Editing Team, meanwhile, presents the following with a sprawling blanket [sic]:

First we were forced to give reluctant props to reality wannabe Khloe Kardashian, and now this: Paris Hilton has starred in a new video rebutting John McCain's "Celeb" ad, and it's...sigh, not that bad. Sure, we can give the lion's share of credit to writer Adam McKay (though he didn't help Step Brothers any), but the dim-bulb heiress totally nails her lines, forcing our grudging admiration. Just one bit of advice, Paris: though your proposed energy plan is intriguing, you'd better stay away from Tyra as VP.

Last week's episode of The Two Coreys was the source of much consternation over here at Defamer HQ. While we'll never know if the Haimster and Felddog will be able to make amends after their friendship-crushing throwdown (that is, until A&E greenlights Season Three), the episode spurred our own Molly McAleer to spend her lunch break sprawled out on lawn somewhere in K-Town postulating which Corey was truly at fault for this epic breakdown. But, as some of you noted, Susie Feldman escaped Molly's rant virtually unscathed. Tonight, all that changes. Enjoy!

While you might expect to be mildly offended by the people behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans, it's usually because they're coming out with more movies rather than because of anything in the films themselves. Now, though, they've made the classy move of premiering their latest spoof, Disaster Movie, on August 29th — the third anniversary of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.

Gwyneth Paltrow has worked really hard at ditching her snottier-than-thou attitude this year. Not only did she go to great lengths to sex up her image during the seemingly endless Iron Man press tour by donning a series of towering heels and flashing ample amounts of thigh, her admission that she's raising a pair of cross-dressing toddlers might even earn a nod of approval from the Lou Reed and David Johansen's of the world. But all of the inroads she's built look like they could come crashing down, thanks to her appearance in a hoity-toity political ad airing overseas now.After crushing poor Scarlett Johansson's double-D sized heart after publicly imploding their burgeoning email relationship, Barack Obama has been battling charges of elitism from the right-wing media and fending off attacks from John McCain that he's just another Valtrex popping celebutard. While recruiting Gwyneth Paltrow to appear in a special "Vote Abroad" campaign might help with the latter attack, it certainly doesn't help him with the former. And as for Gwyneth? We're not sure what it is about you that we're supposed to identify with as being All-American these days. You live abroad (meaning, you're not just there temporarily for a job). You're married to a mopey musician (who was born, raised and currently abides in England). You're raising your kids to be British. You won an Oscar ... for playing a Brit. Forgive us if we're finding it difficult to find the ties between you and baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. Except, of course, for the fact that you named your kid Apple.

There are certain universal truths about Hollywood agents: namely, that they never pick up your phone calls, deal with you mostly through their assistants, and always seem to be finding work for people who aren't you. Sadly, E! bobblehead Giuliana Rancic (who we last saw announcing the death of "Brad Redfro" while dressed in a somber tube top) has failed to grasp that last tenet — in fact, she's suing her agents at William Morris for having the audacity to focus on anyone but her. Says Page Six:

Suck It, Seacrest. Here's a pathetic little statistic for you: 300 people attended American Idol's first-ever audition in Puerto Rico. How's Simon Cowell supposed to work with that? It's not nearly as fun tearing apart some deluded young gay's dreams when there aren't 47,000 more deluded young gays waiting nervously outside the door for their own shot at humiliation. You guys barely even gave Paula a chance to get drunk! (PS: Puerto Rico, you are the coolest place in the greater U.S. and its territories right now. Own that. No one can take it away from you.) [UPI]

A quick survey of informants drunkenly furloughed next door at the Pink Taco have confirmed that MGM Tower was not — we repeat, not — blown to bits after a reported bomb threat earlier this morning. In fact, we hear that work resumed on site within the last hour after a building search turned up nothing. One tipster sends word that "the receptionist who took the call couldn't tell whether it was a young boy or young girl," instantly suggesting a relatively tame prank that nevertheless shook the very souls (or whatever amounts to the ICM equivalent) of the tower's tenants. Follow the jump for the official all-clear, plus a brief anthology of survivor stories from the front.

We are humbled—truly, humbled—by the singular talents of you, our astute readership. Shortly after petitioning you to find the perfect man or woman to assume the psychologically complex role of Reginald Peterson—the sandwich-dressing-deprived Subway patron who boldly tried to take on the system and lost—and combing through your many suggestions (surprisingly, Abigail Breslin's name never came up), one casting idea came through the Defamer tipbox that towered above all others. The clear winner is after the jump.

We have been overcome today by a tidal wave of sympathy for everyone's favorite non-silly-voiced summer superhero Robert Downey Jr., who just can't seem to catch a break on his Tropic Thunder press junket. No sooner had he been ambushed by a rogue reporter from the I'm A Drunken Stoned Moron Entertainment News Syndicate, he then came face to face with E!'s Debbie Matenopoulos.At least the other guy gave multiple-choice options for his idiotic, "Who'd you rather divorce/skullfuck/play-Halo 3-with?" line of questioning. Matenopolous, on the other hand, seems perfectly happy to just let random keywords drawn from the press materials hang in the air, strung together festively by a string of ellipses: "Vietnam...clearly...how did this happen?...genius...Oscar...[chuckle]...Avengers...Stiller...Chaplin?" Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to shoot some smack between our toes. If we're going to nod off, we might as well enjoy the experience.

In a rush to finish her grocery shopping, beloved actress Kate Hudson decided to sneak her shopping cart into the express lane at Whole Foods. Hudson knew that she was well over the item limit for the trendy organic market, but believed her trademark charm would allow her to get away with it. After scanning a few items, the Whole Foods cashier noticed that Hudson was going to be well over the express lane limit and stopped scanning. Hudson wondered what the problem was, but the cashier pointed to the sign above her post with the item limit and added, "I've scanned the express lane limit, ma'am." Hudson asked if the cashier could give her a mulligan this time around and that the next time, she'll wait in the regular line with everybody else. The cashier pensively thought for a moment, then returned to scanning items. The cashier said, "This is only because I loved Raising Helen."

Upon learning of the crimes of Jacksonville, Fl. native Reginald Peterson—who placed two 911 calls demanding local police locate and return a missing sandwich dressing to its rightful place atop his Subway spicy Italian sub—we were instantly reminded of Thelma Dennis, the Patron Defamer Saint of Emergency Phone Services Squandering, who phoned in fake bomb threats for 24 years.We threw it open to you to cast the Thelma Dennis TNT Movie of the Week, Naughty Urges: Thelma Dennis's Undeadly Deception, and you gave us Brian Posehn—producing one of the greatest side-by-sides of all time. We turn to your casting prowess once more for Crazy Sauce: The Reginald Petersen Story. Let the casting commence!

While you might not recognize the name Tiffany Pollard, anyone who has followed Vh1's Celebreality franchises over the last three years certainly knows the name New York. After getting rebuffed by Flavor Flav on the first two installments of the gloriously trashy Flavor Of Love series, she became one of cable television's biggest stars when the premiere episode of I Love New York became the most-watched series premiere in the network's history. Now, having proved to be one of reality television's most resilient stars (along with Real World / Road Rules vets like Mark Long and Coral Smith), Tiffany "New York" Pollard is now attempting to be the first person since Real World: London's Jacinda Barrett to make the successful leap to silver screen stardom on her newest show, New York Goes To Hollywood. In the show's first episode, New York learns that, just like any other aspiring actor or actress, she needs to get herself a manager before she has the opportunity to show what she can do on the casting couch. Sadly, the monologue she delivered for a room full of low-level talent scouts — the kind that would have trouble scoring a table for 4 at the In-N-Out Burger — made Brian Atene look like Stanislavski's most prized pupil. Her poorly performed (yet hilariously overacted) riff on dog shit and public transportation awaits you after the jump.

It's been a while since we last heard from David Bergstein, the embattled studio chieftain whose cash-challenged Capitol/ThinkFilm operation has withstood everything from repeated production stoppages to lawsuit flurries in recent months. In the time since Variety caught up with him on his yacht at Cannes, however, he's been plenty busy polishing his brass balls, today unveiling his secret comeback plan in The Hollywood Reporter. Follow the jump for more specifics on the schmogul's no-cost rebuilding strategy:

Sartorial scandal alert: Is the upcoming Seth Rogen film Pineapple Express guilty of wanton t-shirt design theft? A small Brooklyn t-shirt maker called WOWCH says that co-star James Franco's character appears in the movie wearing shark-and-kitten shirt that is really just a slightly altered version of a WOWCH design that was sold at Urban Outfitters in 2005. But the big stars don't give the little guys credit at all! The photographic evidence for this potential merchandising mockery-and the demands for redress-after the jump.