Suck It, Seacrest. Here's a pathetic little statistic for you: 300 people attended American Idol's first-ever audition in Puerto Rico. How's Simon Cowell supposed to work with that? It's not nearly as fun tearing apart some deluded young gay's dreams when there aren't 47,000 more deluded young gays waiting nervously outside the door for their own shot at humiliation. You guys barely even gave Paula a chance to get drunk! (PS: Puerto Rico, you are the coolest place in the greater U.S. and its territories right now. Own that. No one can take it away from you.) [UPI]