Another day, another Batman casting rumor! In the wake of murmurs that Philip Seymour Hoffman could be the next Penguin and Johnny Depp (not Brian Austin Green) may play The Riddler, the latest scuttlebutt concerns Batman foe Catwoman — and let's just say this casting choice ain't Angelina. No, according to the British press, 62-year-old Cher is in talks with director Christopher Nolan to add the comic-book role to an acting repertoire that already includes gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Says the Daily Telegraph:

· Fox will stream the premieres of Fringe and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles on their website while the shows air on TV, but they'll only be accessible from college dorms. As an additional feature of their on-campus marketing efforts, if there's a Fox-branded sock on the doorknob, that means your roommate is getting busy with his girlfriend during an episode of House. [Variety] · All 1.3 billion in China tuned in to the Olympics closing ceremony, and are now intimately familiar with E! pre-show host Ryan Seacrest, who they refer to as 树猴, or "the kind-eyed Golden Tree Monkey." [THR] · Barack Obama continues to be underrepresented in the guy-with-a-talk-show sector, as the Committee for Late Night Monologue Political Parity released preliminary findings putting the Democratic nominee at 169 punchlines versus McCain's 322. [Variety] · Paul McCartney has announced he'd play Tel Aviv on September 25. The performance comes 40 years after The Beatles were banned from Israel "over concerns the group's lyrics could corrupt Israeli youth." Translation: "What—you couldn't have said you were bigger than Moses? Get lost for 40 years, we'll be in touch." [Variety] · Let's play One of These Things Just Doesn't Belong: Demoted Casting Edition! [THR]

Here at Defamer HQ, we hope we've made our feelings clear on the new 90210 redo: you can give us all the Shannens and Jennies (but not Toris) you want, but the real reason we'll be watching is because of actress Jessica Walter. Cast as the alcohol-addled 90210 matriarch Tabitha, Walter is practically reprising her role as Lucille Bluth from Arrested Development — and until the big-screen AD movie comes, we'll take whatever we can get. Our ongoing crusade for more Walter footage (hereby known as Bluthwatch '08) has thus far fallen on deaf CW ears, and when we saw the network's new Shannen Doherty promo last week, we knew it was time to take matters into our own hands. With the help of Molly McAleer (and Hulu), we've cut together our own 90210 promo touting the show's real icon. Won't you join us in a chicken dance of anticipation? [The CW]

After a flurry of weekend headlines further detailing the closely guarded plot to offload MGM, studio reps are firing back today with public denials that the anemic, mute, tired old Lion could soon have another new cage to laze around. And now we don't know who to believe! Is it BusinessWeek, which followed up last week's rumored Kirk Kerkorian 4.0 lowball offer with the news that Goldman Sachs is back on the scene to engineer a sale? Or is it the big, happy, skittish family at MGM HQ itself, which would require an official clarification to be issued these days even if someone said its coffee maker was broken:

A press release from Lifetime touts a new slate of unscripted entertainments from the cable network. While we're certain the kitchen island therapy of Mom's Cooking and the ladies-only seances going down over at clairvoyant Lisa Williams's show are sure to connect with their audience, it's their third announced series—what some might call a calculated attempt at jumping on the "Plus-Size Sideshow" bandwagon, as the NY Times dubs it—that most stood out:

After a grueling day of filming on the set of his latest blockbuster, Shia LaBeouf grabbed the nearest sandbag and decided to take a bit of a disco nap. However, a group of tourists got the shock of their life when they passed by the snoozing star and thought he had fallen asleep in the hot sun without applying any Banana Boat. One bold tourist took it upon himself to check out the status of LaBeouf and poked the Eagle Eye star with the business end of a boom mic. LaBeouf quickly popped up from his siesta muttering something about Ren Stevens before putting up his dukes.

What happens when you take World's Fastest Man Usain Bolt, a selection of beloved movies that involve running or chasing, and modern imaging software? You get EW.com's 12 Movies Made Better by World's Fastest Man. While it's easy to fantasize about what the chest-thumping Puma-endorser would do for Chariots of Fire and Apocalypto, it's Run, Usain, Run—in which the super-athlete runs around the streets of Berlin to techno music in a red fright wig—that would really capitalize on his talents, making for another promising addition to our Gallery of Failed Olympian Crossovers. [EW]

Newsflash! The producers of Karaoke Borg American Idol have done the unthinkable: They have decided to tinker with the magical Idol judging formula America has come to rely on. In addition to the Really Bitchy One, the Inarticulate Gang-Sign-Delivering One, and the Alternately Effusive, Incoherent, and Flat-Out-Unconscious One, we can now look forward to the Non-Jaded Songwriter Who Doesn't Spend Most of the Auditions Fantasizing About Traceless Ways To Snuff Ryan Seacrest Out of Existence One. Let's let the Fox press release explain!

In the spirit of reader participation, we'll leave it to you to determine the good and bad news among this year's crop of Viggo Mortensen films. For starters: Can the 2007 Oscar nominee climb his way back into Academy hearts with nary a nude, bloody bathhouse throwdown in three movies? Sure, suggests one observer, who points out that beyond roles in the Western Appaloosa and the Cormac McCarthy adaptation The Road, Viggo has a fail-safe ace in the hole to unveil this December. Sort of, anyway; assuming it can overcome its distributor's ongoing cash woes, Good is apparently just the kind of Holocaust film for which Oscar voters swoon. Still, disadvantages persist:

Now that he's dallied with Sharon Stone, won multiple Razzies, and given the world the immortal line, "It must be weird not having anybody cum on you," what's left for screenwriter Joe Eszterhas? According to the Toledo Blade, the multi-hyphenate has turned to God (and not the sort of "God!" you might moan while having explosive sex with Kyle MacLachlan in a Vegas pool). Having departed Hollywood for the more "wholesome" Cleveland, Eszterhas was taking a walk one day when he became out of breath and had a surprising realization:

Actually, that's not the case at all. (Besides, everyone knows her event is javelin.) No, this was a photograph taken from the opening night of her Sticky & Sweet Tour in Cardiff, Wales. While there existed in it no single sacred-cow-buggering money shot like her last tour's disco ball crucifixion sequence—and the tour before that when she was lowered via loop-and-pulley system onto an engorged Dalai Lama—there was an eyebrow-elevating video installation in which images of John McCain were juxtaposed alongside "photos of Hitler and brutal Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe," while later in the show a similar montage featured Barack Obama spliced with pictures of John Lennon, Mahatma Ghandi, and Ron Popeil Al Gore. Needless to say, the McCain camp was outraged, as much over her heavy-metal bastardization of "Borderline" as they were the ugly comparisons to the Third Reich:

It was the eye-roll heard around the world (yes, you can hear an eye-roll — it sounds like a faint, wet "oh snap"): while doing a Good Day LA interview to promote Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, America Ferrera looked alternately bored and incredulous as costar Blake Lively nattered on about upcoming plotlines on Gossip Girl. The open mocking of the CW drama (without a single, hasty addendum of, "But it's a guilty pleasure!") sent New York's media world reeling, desperate to protect the scrappy little show that it had clutched to its bosom for so long. To that end, EW dispatched Michael Ausiello to corner Lively in an attempt to determine whether the actress now harbored anti-America sentiment:

After Fark.com's Drew Curtis sent us a firsthand account last week of life on the set of I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, the upcoming comedic movie masterpiece written by fratire dude Tucker Max, another crew member followed up with his own list of gripes to us about working under a first-time movie maker who's also one of America's foremost assholes. I enjoy these leaks because-unlike our own in-house appraisals of Tucker's style-they come from people with no real ideological reason to dislike the man. Some people just want to work in peace! After the jump, our tipster's account of Tucker Max-"usually pricks like him are surrounded by pricks," he says, but in this case, "there's just one dick and he's a big one."

It's probably asking a lot for a Monday, but pretend for just a second that you're Focus Features, Universal's mini-major offshoot and the folks who last January made the single biggest buy in the history of the Sundance Film Festival: Hamlet 2, which sneaked into Park City at the last minute and left 10 days later with lukewarm (at best) reviews and a check for $11 million. So imagine your signature was on that check, and imagine how much weight you'll lose this week as your appetite plunges with Hamlet 2's box-office prospects: $435,000 on 103 screens, averaging $4,223 per for one of the most profound festival flops of the decade — not to mention the film that bumps Steve Coogan back to ensemble/supporting-class in American movies. To be fair, the film goes wider later this week, and Focus always has the UK release this fall and whatever slight cult audience accrues for video. So it could be worse — now imagine you're Rainn Wilson.As we anticipated last Friday, TV viewers' Wilson goodwill isn't exactly multiplex-ready. The Rocker's marketing misfires, non-existent word-of-mouth and release-date follies yielded a $2.8 million, 12th-place opening. We're not in the short-sighted camp that thinks Fox is having the Summer From Hell — not with The Happening and What Happens in Vegas finding very respectable profits overseas — but there really is no positive way to spin this one, at least not for his toplining future. Until further notice, Wilson is Dwight Schrute and the clever bit-parter who has a way with pregnancy-test pitches and other Oscar-winning patois — maybe not in that order, but at least in that zone. Maybe a few scenes in Inglorious Bastards? Our Mondays are too fragile as it is to go through this again.

Having been nudged awake this morning by a shirtless man in a fedora and pink Chuck Taylors as you snoozed peacefully beneath a table outside Intelligentsia Cafe, another Sunset Junction appears to have come and gone—as has any memory of the last seven hours you spent there. We'll give you a moment to gather your belongings before inundating you with the weekend's box office receipts: 1. Tropic Thunder - $16.1 million In a weekend that saw some colossal summer comedy flops—more on that later—it must have come as happy news to the producers of Tropic Thunder that it retained its top spot at the box office two weeks in a row. That brings this big-budget paean to tropical scenery-chewing and wartime hammery to a not-too-shabby $65.7 million. “We definitely felt internally we were going to be No. 1, but Saturday was a pleasant surprise,” said DreamWorks/Paramount rep Chip Sullivan as he emerged from the executive bathroom with a look of triumphant accomplishment spread across his face.2. The House Bunny - $15.1 million Following not too far behind was The House Bunny, the Anna Faris Pi Bimbo Phi campus comedy that has officially inherited the title of America's #1 Gay Date movie from previous title-holders Sex and the City and Stop-Loss. A perfect brand-integration opportunity was completely squandered, however, as Bunny-approved Tuscan dining chain The Olive Garden was passed over as the location of Faris's post-hazing induction celebration, in favor of the far inferior Applebee's, home of the Riblet™. 3. Death Race - $12.293 million Written and directed by videogame-adaptation shlockmeister Paul W.S. Anderson, the thinking-man's Uwe Boll, Race failed to really find the all-wheel traction at the box office production company Cruise/Wagner had hoped for. It did provide an apt visual metaphor for the disintegration of Tom and Paula's creative partnership, however, with the two until only recently chasing each other around the United Artists offices in suped-up muscle cars with hood-mounted Gatlings. 4. The Dark Knight - $10.305 million We can't be the only ones shocked to learn Barack Obama passed on making The Dark Knight his running mate, in favor of Sen. Joe Biden. Sure, Biden might have the experience, but The Dark Knight looks way better in IMAX, and could have easily carried Ohio. 5. Star Wars: The Clone Wars - $5.66 million We'll admit it: We're completely obsessed with the Abercrombie & Fitch-style (minus crotch-obscuring overpriced board shorts or any pretense that this is about anything besides eroticizing young male flesh) NSFW photography of head Lucasarts licensing exec Howard Roffman. We'll skip this one, but promise to pay full price to check out The Clone Wars 2: Naked Stormtroopers, shot in tasteful black-and-white.

Mac Guy Justin Long took a moment out of his undoubtedly busy schedule to chat up with a couple of Mac fanatics over the weekend. The friendly females gushed over Long's performance in Waiting before launching in a diatribe against the iPhone 3G and all of its problems. Long told the ladies that he had no control over that and admitted that he was having problems as well. Looking to change the topic, Long ran his fingers through his hair, which accidentally created a trigger effect with his female fans. Thinking he may have stumbled onto a Pied Pieper like ability, Long then ran his fingers through his mane one more time to see if the women would once again follow suit. He was crushed to learn that it was a one-time only occurence.

· Someone paid a visit to Closeted-Heartthrob Rapesville. Any suggestions? · Join us in mourning for MTV past and present. · Speaking of which, Spencer Pratt honed his worst-boyfriend routine. Heidi Montag withdrew to her blog. · Critically injured manager/producer Joan Hyler is making a quick recovery. Thanks, Nurse Arihead! · Jodie Foster's costly break-up threatened to upstage the Degeneres/de Rossi nuptials as the week's lesbian love story to beat. · Meanwhile, lesbian-of-convenience Courtenay Semel set the bar high for all those who will follow. · How did Christina Applegate beat cancer so fast? Oh. That's too bad. · Who's the better comedienne pundit: Roseanne Barr or Victoria Jackson? Actually, don't answer that. · The Fox-Warners Watchmen Blood Feud will only hurt the children. · Democratic wedding postponer Scarlett Johansson isn't Kanye West's favorite white girl for nothing. · In lieu of the CW showing us 90210 early, we settled for Shannen Doherty. Won't make that mistake again! · Naked-boy photographer and Star Wars toy licenser Howard Roffman seems like a nice enough guy. · Meet Wendy Williams, once and future TV talk-show goddess. · We took leisurely summer field trips to Molly McAleer's closet and refrigerator. Pizza, anyone? · As soon as God decides what He wants to do with the assholes remaking Poltergeist, believe us, we'll let you know.

· While many of you might not be old enough to remember 1985's landmark kung-fu / breakdancing opus The Last Dragon, we vividly remember making the case to our parents as to why we should be allowed to see it in the theater (it was PG-13 and, at the time, we were only 11). The Berry Gordy produced film left a lasting impression on us, which is why we mourn the recent passing of Julius Curry (aka Sho'Nuff). Who's the master? It was always you, Julius, it was always you. [WENN, YouTube] · While there may not be many film critics left, those that are still gainfully employed are doing their darndest to turn Anna Faris into the next "must watch" female movie star (following in the footsteps of Rachel McAdams and Amy Adams).[Vulture] · Have you been paralyzed by insomnia trying to figure out why in the world Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale would name their newborn son Zuma Nesta? You can sleep tight tonight, US Weekly has done all of the legwork for you. [US Weekly] · Oh noes, could Katie Holmes decision to wear Tom Cruise's jeans have actually started a trend? Jennifer Aniston is the latest to hop on the bandwagon. [Daily Mail] · Nudity enthusiasts and pervs rejoice! Tomorrow is National Go Topless Protest Day. Just in case you're confused, the group is going topless in order to protest, not protesting toplessness (because, really, who would do that?). Either way, it's all going down at Venice Beach. [LAist]

Congratulations to My Name is Earl star Jason Lee and his girlfriend Ceren Alkac, who have helped to ring in "Celebrity Babymaking Month" with a brand-new baby girl of their very own. Fans of the actor may be wondering what Lee named the child, since Lee already has a four-year-old son notoriously named Pilot Inspektor. And the answer is... we don't know! The rep for Lee gave no name to Us Weekly, and the magazine notes that when Lee last stopped by the Today show, he said he hadn't picked a moniker out yet. If you have suggestions for Lee, let them fly; frankly, we're partial to the names Skyhostess Oftomorrow, Driver Detektive, and Sukiyaki Western Django. [Photo Credit: AP]

Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favorite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you.