After being cooped up in her house all week, we strongly encouraged Molls to leave her apartment last night to film this weekend's To Do's. She gladly obliged, heading out on the town with her boytoy Edward in tow. And you'll never guess who they ran into while boozing up a storm at the Red Lion last night (hint: check the subject line)! The answer, along with a fab list of what's going on in Los Angeles this weekend, lies after the jump.FRIDAY · Tom Petty at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater. · Veruca Salt at the Viper Room. · An Evening with Yes at the Gibson Amphitheater. SATURDAY · Sunset Junction! · Club Suicide at the Echoplex (official Sunset Junction Afterparty). · Mandy Moore at the Hotel Cafe. SUNDAY · Radiohead at the Hollywood Bowl. · Head Trip at The Museum of African Art. · Educating Rita at the Burbank Center Stage.

Let's just cut to the chase, shall we? Help us get to the bottom of this Kiefer's pants-stain mystery after the jump:

Nothing good in this world can last forever, and so it is with The Wendy Williams Show, which concluded its six-week test run today before it relaunches nationwide in 2009. When we last checked in on Wendy, she was shocking the audience with unorthodox opinions on matters like Heath Ledger's baby (not a random, drive-by splash-off, you'll be happy to know) and The Curse of Jennifer Aniston. Still, for her final broadcast, Wendy ceded the crazy to audience member Rosie, who proceeded to accuse actress Kate Hudson of attempted murder, twice (as well as the inability to fill out a C-cup). We're speechless, so we'll simply quote from Wendy's signoff: "See you in 2009," she said, "just how you like it: real, raw, and regular." Indeed. [The Wendy Williams Show]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our millions of Defamer operatives. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw a tired Kiefer Sutherland eating lunch with Gary Oldman and a couple of stunning brunettes. UPDATE (8/26/08): C'mon guys, we need you to be better than this! We just got this email from Gary Oldman's manager: "…About your item on Gary and Keifer, alas, Gary was not with Kiefer on Friday, Gary was out of the country on holiday with his family. Prior to that, Gary spent ten days in Barbados. Gary has not seen Kiefer for years and years. Whoever says they saw them together on Friday is, alas, mistaken!!" This week's installment also includes: Katherine Heigl, Anthony Michael Hall, Bryan Singer, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, Louie Anderson, Tatyana Ali, Gordon Ramsey, Catherine Keener, Bradley Cooper, Victor Garber and more!SATURDAY, AUGUST 9 · Saw KATHERINE HEIGL at Cliff's Edge in Silverlake. My parents were in town and we wanted to take them someplace nice. We were sitting up in the outside covered area when Heigl and her entourage (which included her mother) were seated next to us. Alas, she decided that she didn't want to sit there (I heard her say something about not being able to smoke. Dead serious.), so they moved to a very secluded corner. Or, she may not have wanted to sit by us because when she came in, my sister nudged me and I totally turned around in my seat to look at who or what prompted the nudge ... perhaps she thought I was a super-fan who would lose my shit if she sat next to us. She would have been safe as I am not. Also, her voice is pretty annoying in person —way crackier than it is in movies. WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13 · Saw ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL at Farmer's Market on Wednesday Aug 13th with Fiona Forbes (she's a Canadian tv host who no one in LA would reconize but i did!) He's still a little geeky. SATURDAY, AUGUST 16 · Fiesta Cantina, The 'Ho: Fighting my way through the gay-os to secure one last 2-for-1 drink special, I spotted BRYAN SINGER jauntily hopping to the music as he entered. He looked fresh and young but not as fresh and young looking as the A&F wearing tyke he was with. · JERRY O'CONNELL stopped by the 12 Shiny Nickels comedy show in Hollywood on Saturday night to see Carpoolers co-star TJ Miller perform. Seemed to have a delightful time. MONDAY, AUGUST 18 · Around 11:30ish, saw PUFF DADDY trying to de-puff himself with some light cardio at Equinox West Hollywood. Take that, take that! · LOUIE ANDERSON in front of Susina on Beverly. TUESDAY, AUGUST 19 · Saw twice in one night: the beautiful TATYANA ALI at Gingergrass and Hyperion Tavern with some friends. WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20 · Had two good sightings in one night along the douchey Sunset Strip. First, outside of Ketchup, chef GORDON RAMSEY and his family. He was laid back and non-shouty, his kids looked happy and content and not snobby and privileged (I always look at the kids to see if they look miserable!). Then, later that night, outside of BLD Craft we see CATHERINE KEENER in the valet area. I spot her as we walk up and just as we pass her I said in a dorky voice "Catherine Keener, I love you". It cracked up the valet but she looked utterly confused and surprised (but awesome). · Mini-Alias nonreunion in the Arclight lobby: BRADLEY COOPER exited with hipster friends; one minute later, VICTOR GARBER entered. FRIDAY, AUGUST 22 · KIEFER SUTHERLAND must like the sandwiches at Dan Subs. Because he was there in Woodland Hills, on Ventura Blvd, again. This time, he was with GARY OLDMAN a Gary Oldman lookalike. Kiefer did not look so good — he looked exhausted. But he seemed to be enjoying his sub, but not nearly as much as the two stunning brunettes that were with them.

When we spent yesterday introducing you to the "7 MTV-Defining Stars Who Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Anymore," little did we know it would cause such a sensation. From far and wide, the Defamer commenters gathered together to trade stories about the network's golden days, suggest improvements that could be made, and shout at kids to get off their damn lawn. Since MTV has made the encouraging step of hiring Russell Brand to host this year's VMAs, we know they're open to self-improvement, so we thought it only fair to spotlight the best suggestions and constructive criticism the Defamer braintrust had to offer:1. Revamp Daria for the Hills crowd: By spotlighting Daria's popular sister Quinn, the show could be retrofitted to attract iconoclasts and super sweet sixteens alike! As commenter Jill Tyrrell said, "They could totally put Daria back in syndication on MTV, and re-name it Quinn or Fashion Club. It'd be like The Hills, in cartoon form! All the LC-Conradettes out there would go crazy for it. 'I love Quinn! She is lyk soooooo awesome! I soooo wanna be in the Fashion Club! But why is that four-eyed lesbo bitch Daria always being to mean to her????'" 2. Hire new casting directors for The Real World: Commenter Antonella fondly recalled that in its early seasons, The Real World "was less about drunken hook ups at celebutard wannabes and more about...well, real people." MTV has proven that ordinary people can still be compelling — just check out the gangly, awkward teens of The Paper — so why does The Real World have to be cast exclusively with musclebound meatheads who can hold a barbell longer than they can hold our interest? 3. Don't Be Bashful About Stoking Nostalgia: VH1 Classic is all well and good, but how about this suggestion from Dave J.: "They should have a 'MTV: Origins' channel or whatever, and only show original programming from back in the day (pre-Real World) and actual music videos from start to finish, and then see how it does ratings wise vs. the actual MTV. It probably wouldn't do as well, but I bet it would do better than Viacom thinks." Dave, anything that might presage a Sifl & Olly revival is OK by us. 4. Leave music video commentary to the professionals: Virtually the only time you're assured of seeing music videos on MTV is during the show FNMTV, which premieres the videos alongside instant viewer feedback sent from MTV.com. While that's all well and good, the peanut gallery isn't likely to provide masterfully crafted insults a la Julie Brown or Beavis & Butthead. Commenter derby reminded us of the amazing special MTV Lame, when a countdown of the network's worst videos ever was hosted by a dream team of comedy including Jon Stewart, Janeane Garofalo, Denis Leary, and Chris Kattan. FNMTV may be interactive, but only on a special like MTV Lame can you see Vanilla Ice menace Jon Stewart with a baseball bat. 5. Begin a Lionel Richie channel: Could it be that MTV had the means to their salvation all along? As floated by crescentia and seconded by 30f, a Lionel Richie channel (with marathon reruns of the music video for "Hello") could be an epic ratings win. Hey, it would at least outdraw Buzzin'.

Pregnant Juno star Jennifer Garner asked if the snappers surrounding her could take about ten big steps back before she entered a medical building. As a woman with child, Garner needs all the space that she can get. Garner added, "I'm showing, not like Minnie Driver showing, but us pregnant women can explode at any moment. And in the best interest of me, you, and your sneakers, let's take a couple of steps back and let move on by."

Our recent experiments in Film Trailer and Clip Interception have been spotty at best, but this one seems to be the real thing: A new, mildly NSFW scene from Choke, the Sam Rockwell sex-addict / colonial-reenactor-angst comedy opening September 26. The red-band ribaldry of the past is swapped out for a more subdued exchange, however; no bare breasts, just bare souls as Rockwell and his role-playing partner plot out ... we don't even know. Our outraged mothers switched it off after about 10 seconds, leaving us hanging until our interview with Rockwell next week. So until we can straighten out (or at least parent-proof) this clip-grabbing contraption, perv away while you can after the jump. [Fox Searchlight]

There are those for whom the title Whore means one film and one alone: Ken Russell's fearless exploration of the oldest profession, in which Richard Gere never arrives to sweep a gold-hearted streetwalker off her feet. But that was 1991, a whole generation ago, and few who show up to 2008's Whore are likely to even recall the original, much less force a comparison. Written, directed, produced, edited and color-timed by Thomas Dekker—yes, that Thomas Dekker, of John Connor-in-primetime fame and The Sashay Chante Chronicles—it features Megan Fox, Rumer Willis, and Ron Jeremy in a movie about a "large group of teens living on the streets of Hollywood and selling their bodies to stay alive." We present for you the key art, the arresting image of a bitch who had to be choked, presumably by uncredited cameo Wayne Brady.

Currently enmeshed in a terrible global conspiracy involving 17-year-old girls, U.S. District Judges, a shadowy cabal of vampires (and most likely the Stonemasons), Girls Gone Wild proprietor Joe Francis is on the hunt for a way to restore his good name — and there's no one more willing to help than Donald Trump. Already the crown prince of magnanimity thanks to his selfless (some might say tear-inducing) bail-out of the beleaguered Ed McMahon, Hollyscoop says that the billionaire and the porn purveyor are set to team up:

Having taken our stern but loving admonitions against grabbing the first Hollywood opportunity that comes slithering his way, gilled Olympian phenom Michael Phelps appears to be enjoying the scenic route out of Beijing and into the bachelor lifestyle to which his 14 total gold medals entitle him. His ladyfriend roundelay reportedly peaked earlier this week with 20-year-old Australian swimmer and make-out enthusiast Stephanie Rice — herself one of her country's most celebrated young athletes and naughty Facebook page proprietors:

We all realize that it's been a long time since Victoria Jackson has actually made anyone laugh, so we can only hope that her comments about the "anti-Christ, whitey-hater" Barack Obama were part of some ill-conceived bit meant to relaunch her career (as a Fox News correspondent, perhaps?). Either way, our advertisers would never be caught on tape (or, for that matter, blogging) saying such backwards things. Our thanks this week go to Mother on Fire, Sobieski, Starwood Hotels, Stolichnaya and Unscrew America. If you would like to join this esteemed group of Defamer advertisers, all of the requisite information can be found here.

· Attack of the Show producer Gavin Purcell is leaving G4 to co-produce Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He'll presumably user-test some of his edgier, hot-dog-deep-throating ideas on the web-only show before Fallon's NBC debut. [Variety] · Bad news: Stargate: Atlantis will not get a sixth-season order from SciFi Channel. Good news: Stargate: Universe, a whole new Stargate series, is set to begin. Even better news: Stargate: Babies can't be far behind! [THR] · Neil Patrick Harris and Sarah Chalke will host the Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards Sept. 13th, to be aired on E! one week later. Britney Spears will be a last-minute guest-patterer, in a performance Harris will backhandedly compliment on the talk show circuit. [Variety] · Nicolas Cage will star in Kick-Ass, to later be renamed Awe-Some in pursuit of an all-important PG-13 rating. [THR] · Freeze, sucka! Regina King, Kevin Alejandro and Michael McGrady have been cast in NBC pilot LAPD. [THR]

We love nothing more than a fairy tale ending, and we got one on last night's Big Brother, when—amidst the tragedy of contestant April's ejection from their 24-hour surveillance Eden— surviving housemate and oral-sex-partner Ollie proposed..um...popping his relationship cherry? Prodded by host Julie Chen, who had already been given a fat dossier on the pair's budding romance which included a number of X-ray stills from their quilt-covered shenanigans, Ollie extolled the many virtues of the Arizona auto-financing manager, then announced, "I got a question for you: Will you be my first girlfriend? I want an answer from you the second I get out of this house." CBS would be fools not to capitalize on the event, mounting a lavish Ollie and April's Going Steady Ceremony primetime special upon which no expense would be spared.

OMG! The birthday-celebrating opportunity of your tween's lifetime is right around the corner at Disneyland, where plans for Miley Cyrus's Sweet-16 bash on Oct. 5 are coming together with saucy, serendipitous panache. Never mind the $250 face value of the limited tickets going on sale Aug. 30 — the guest list validates a price even double that. Take, for starters, the Jonas Brothers and Miley's other Disney cohorts, throw in a few volunteers handpicked from Youth Service America, and finish it off with a two-story birthday cake full of gays. Or at least a theme park full of them, according to The Advocate:

And Special Guest Star Heather Locklear as Amanda: After Emmy producers found great success two years ago by reuniting the terrifyingly taut stars of Charlie's Angels onstage, E!'s Marc Malkin is reporting that another Spelling summit may be in the works. Producers are attempting to mount a Melrose Place reunion for this year's telecast, a stunt that raises all sorts of questions about who amongst the drama's sprawling cast would be asked to attend. Sure, Heather Locklear is a gimme, but what about the quickly exiled Vanessa A. Williams? Would Marcia Cross rather blow up the ceremony than share the stage with random late-season replacements like Linden Ashby and Jamie Luner? And, most pressingly, is the Zuniga free (our guess: yes)? Kudos, Emmy producers. We eagerly await next year's poignant reunion of the Small Wonder cast. [E!]

Professional swashbuckler Orlando Bloom attempted to do a fellow New Yorker a solid by standing guard over a motorcycle. The biker had to make a quick stop at a nearby Duane Reade and Bloom gladly offered his watching services. As soon as the man disappeared into the pharmacy, Bloom hopped on the machine and mimed the sounds of speeding away as he pretended that his girlfriend was clutching him around his waist. As Bloom began to shake the bike back and forth, he accidentally caused the kickstand to break, which sent the mean machine crashing to the ground. Bloom quickly ran down the street and into the nearest subway station.

The LAT has a fascinating story today about Gregory S. Brown, a 51-year-old former Disney researcher who's lived in the same one-bedroom apartment in Hollywood for the last 20 years. Brown had once tried and failed to take over Harvey Comics. In doing his research, he discovered an old Ghostbusters lawsuit in which an overlooked copyright claim had allowed Fatso, Casper's sidekick and a dead-ringer for the movie's logo, to lapse into the public domain. Armed with his new knowledge of such loopholes, he returned to the Disney vaults to find similar cases. A failure to renew the copyright on the 1933 Mickey Mouse cartoon The Mad Doctor led to a business selling knockoff cels from that film. Disney sued him, and won a $500,000 settlement. Now something of an early-animation copyright expert, Brown went back to the stacks to research his defense; it was then that he learned something truly astonishing: Thanks to some shoddy legalese, just about anyone could move Disney's cheese.

Baloney McCheesestick seized a golden opportunity on Thursday afternoon to get busy with Gossip Girl star Blake Lively. Baloney's parents knew that one of their child's greatest desires was to hump the leg of one of the actresses from the popular CW series. Baloney's mother said, "Whenever we watch the show, Baloney just goes to town on his little sleep pillow." Baloney's father felt that his son's habit had become disturbing, but is optimistic that Baloney's session with Blake Lively's right boot will cure his problem. Baloney's father said, "He's been there, he's done it and, hopefully, it's over. We can only hope that he doesn't get into the new 90210."

Welcome back to another edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to the latest in abandon, excess and best-kept secrets at a theater near you. We're looking at an unusually busy — and maybe even unusually good — week for mid-August, with four new releases opening wide and Tropic Thunder looking to hold fast to No. 1. And while all the congestion is bound to squeeze at least one player out, a romantic opening at the art house is one of our favorite underdog selections to date. As always, our opinions are our own, but with this kind of unparalleled taste and accuracy, would you really want it any other way? WHAT'S NEW: Or perhaps, rather, "What isn't new?" Moreover, it's a fascinating week of studio test drives for stars of varying magnitudes, with Jason Statham vs. Anna Faris vs. Rainn Wilson vs. Steve Coogan vs. Ice Cube and all of them forced to open against a Tropic Thunder crew looking for payback after last week's disappointing take. It's not an even playing field, but Universal's updating of Death Race 2000 — now known simply as Death Race, for action fans afraid of big numbers — has the best advantage with Statham's bankable, monosyllabic heroism set for a $17.5 million take.We're pulling for Faris, meanwhile, as sharp and enduring (and continually underrated) a comic talent as anyone churned out of the Apatow stable, yet whose The House Bunny may not have the legs it needs to hop over The Dark Knight and into third place. The hell with it — we're calling for $11 million, which should narrowly surmount Batman by about $750,000. The Weinstein touch will do pretty much what you expect for Ice Cube's PG-rated (and Fred Durst-directed) The Longshots, nudging it only slightly over $6 million. Coogan's mixed-reviewed Hamlet 2 — which Focus bought this year at Sundance for $11 million — won't break the Top 10 in limited release. Also opening: The Tori Spelling-starring Lovecraft adaptation Cthulu; the revealing (if slightly precious) documentary Anita O'Day: The Life of a Jazz Singer; and the wasted Germs/Darby Crash biopic What We Do is Secret, hands down the most dreadfully misconceived LA rock film since The Doors. THE BIG LOSER: It's not like we're not pulling for Rainn Wilson in The Rocker or anything, but seeing Fox set him up as the next Jack Black in his first real leading role — a flabby, flamboyant man-child drummer who reclaims his dream of rock stardom by joining his nephew's band — only to have him crash with maybe $5.5 million tops? It's almost enough to make us wish for his return to those not-too-long ago Bob Shaye glory days. Or at least a new season of that sitcom in which he seems to excel.

So Andres Martinez, the former LA Times editorial page editor who just sued his former flack girlfriend for her stunning betrayals of his confidence? Maybe totally crazy! As we mentioned this morning, Martinez's suit came after his ex, Kelly Mullens, filed a restraining order against him in DC for stalking her and generally being a psycho. According to her filing, Martinez (who now works for the Washington Post and the New America Foundation) spent months emailing her, her family, and her professional contacts, calling her mom a "whore," inventing a separate false identity, and threatening to kill himself. Yea. Here are some of the most salient allegations, which purportedly quote from Martinez's own emails: The two broke up. Then Martinez allegedly emailed Mullens over and over and over, moaning about his lost love and his bad mental state, and promising to stop contacting her (which she told him to do). But it just kept on, and got worse: