· The Humanitas Prize has announced its short list: The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, Juno, and Lars and the Real Girl have all been singled out for having explored "the human condition in a way which affirms the dignity of the human person and reveals common humanity." We love those three movies so much, we wish we could just smush them together into one movie: The Diving Lars and the Junofly, a tender story about an alienated youth with "locked-in" syndrome who accidentally impregnates his teenage physical therapist, who's actually a Resusci Annie doll. OK, we'll stop now. [Variety] · ABC has gone on a pickup feeding frenzy. Ordered to series: Castle, about a horror novelist who solves crimes, The Unusuals, an NYPD cop dramedy starring Amber Tamblyn, Cupid, and—we're sorry, did we just say "an NYPD cop dramedy starring Amber Tamblyn?" We believe we did! And we're damned if we know how we're supposed to feel about that. Oh, what the hell. We're jazzed! [THR]· The Olympics gives NBC its biggest ratings in years, winning all 17 nights and earning the network an incontinence-inducing $1 billion in advertising revenues. Anyone with a medal gets a show! Just call Jeff Zucker. [Variety] · Movie download site Jaman.com closed a deal with Lionsgate that would give users access to 100 of their titles for a rental charge, though expect to pay through the nose if you expect to watch 90-minute living painting The Christmas Cottage anywhere around the holidays. [Variety] ·National Lampoon's The Legend of Awesomest Maximus will spoof movies like Gladiator, 300, and Troy. We're not jazzed. [THR] · Woody Harrelson has signed on for Zombieland, a horror comedy from the guys who brought you cult-classic reality hoax The Joe Schmo Show. We're jazzed again! [THR]

Though teenage fans of Twilight (the upcoming vampire drama that Summit Entertainment hopes will be its own Harry Potter franchise) were initially put off by lead star Robert Pattinson's chest hair, they've since come around in a major way. Not only has the latest book in the Stephenie Meyer series debuted to huge numbers, but the movie's cast was greeted at Comic-Con with the kind of devoted squeals not heard since the Beatles debuted a song recorded with both 'N Sync and New Kids on the Block. In fact, the fans have become so ardent about Twilight that they swarm each and every online news story to debate the only thing that really matters: who should the lead heroine bang, a vampire or a werewolf?

Whooop! Whooop! CAA Kitchen Fire! Just when you had been lulled into a false sense of Death Star culinary confidence—positive that no incendiary Chinese appetizers would again engulf the TV lit department in thick clouds of cabbage-and-pork-scented smoke—comes this CAA! Kitchen! Fire! Deathtrap! Exclusive! "Subject: CAA can't cook! they set fire to their kitchen and got evacuated!" We ask that you remain calm at this time, until we get a full headcount (just the agents, obviously—not assistants); commuters in the Century City area, meanwhile, are instructed to keep as far away from the scene as possible, regardless of how enticing those wafting, mouth-watering gusts of BBQ baby meat might be. [Defamer]

Master thespian Russell Crowe took to the mean streets of Sydney to research for his latest role: Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute. The exhaustive research Crowe routinely performs for his role has become a therapeutic process for the actor but, for this part, it's also a lot of fun. Crowe said, "I just get to hang out on the corner in the fresh air and putting my finger firmly on the pulse of the city. Sydney is definitely a city of Lil' Wayne fans and people who don't have the good taste to stop when they see a fine piece like me on the street." Crowe then went to great lengths to make the comparison between the constant feelings of rejection that actors and streetwalkers both face. Crowe said, "You have to the thickest skin around to make it in both of these industries, I'll tell you that much."

Charlize Theron's arrival at the Denver airport last night—what TMZ says might be a trip for a local film festival, or to pop her head in at the convention, or hey, why not, a little of both—was greeting by a paparazzi swarm of one, and she was having none of it. (She may have already been in a foul mood due to the giant sign her driver was holding reading "CHARLIE THERONG - Denver Executive Limousines," though the foamcore board upon which it was written would later make a handy device with which to beat the nosey interloper over the head.) Surely, whatever good intentions the star had were quickly squandered once the footage made the internet rounds, and disenfranchised paparazzi voters chose to side with the far less celebrity-friendly candidate.

Meow! Scratch! Or Something: Taking great care to namecheck Ron Grover and Nikki Finke, Sharon Waxman took MGM-sale rumormongerers to task on her blog late Monday, favoring the studio's official word that Goldman Sachs was just dropping by the office for a friendly "capitalization enhancement" lunch. Who to believe? No, really — with Waxman's industry/culture site The Wrap soon to encroach on Finke's daffy dominion, we need to know who to trust, and fast. May we propose a five-match Commissary Wrestling Tour of Hollywood? The series winner gets first right of refusal on MGM spin. David Poland officiates. Who's in? [Waxword]

Though she's had her fair number of brushes with the law, Michelle Rodriguez continues to confound the industry by working steadily. She's currently filming Avatar, a grueling shoot that requires her to wear a motion-capture device not unlike an old-fashioned diving suit, as James Cameron's Jesus Cameras™ provide the required fantasy spacescapes around her. There's also her exciting Shell-truck-detonating work in Fast and Furious. But for millions of Lost fans worldwide, she will forever be remembered as Ana Lucia Cortez—a castaway cop snuffed by the cruel hand of overpopulated-island fate, plus a network head sick of reading about her latest arrests. EW.com now reports that all fences and landmass-disappearing donkey wheels have been mended, as Rodriguez is set to return for a single episode, probably as a "flashback or via hallucination," in the coming season.They offer several theories regarding the how and why, but we'll throw our own into the mix: Maybe she was wearing a Locke disguise, and it was really her in the casket all along. Who really cares? Ana's back!

Picture it: Kate Hudson in The Secret of the Volcanic Ash! It's the hilarious romantic adventure of an actress (who may or may not be trying to kill love interest Owen Wilson) who absconds with a lucrative, well-kept secret: a vial of volcanic ash from the jungles of Vanuatu that has the potential to revolutionize women's hair care forever! There's just one problem (and it isn't the movie's predictable third act): this tale is real, and Hudson is getting sued for it. Says the Daily Mail:

Several months ago, Brad Pitt fired his flack. His other half, Angelina Jolie, doesn't have a dedicated, full time PR rep herself either. The fact that the couple generally gets great press anyhow raises the obvious question: if Brangelina doesn't need a publicist, who does? The nuanced answer has to do with the changing nature of the celebrity media and the shifting balance of power among various types of Hollywood insiders. The blunt answer is, "Very few Hollywood people need flacks any more." Disintermediation is the new black! When you think of celebrity media today, think of two words: OK! magazine. Its entire business model is based on working *with* celebrities to come up with the nicest, most agreeable presentation possible. OK! is so celebrity-friendly it is edited by a former celebrity flack.

After the stirring creative success of his English-language debut Gothika — still hovering around a 15% approval rating at Rotten Tomatoes — no one could really fault French filmmaker-actor Mathieu Kassovitz for expecting miles of auteurist latitude on his new film, the sci-fi Vin Diesel thriller Babylon A.D. Least of all Kassovitz himself, it appears, whose journey to the farthest-flung frontiers of studio hackery (or Eastern Europe, whichever came first) nevertheless found him face-to-face with micromanagers from 20th Century Fox — "lawyers who were only looking at all the commas and the dots," he recently told inquiring minds at AMC. Things quickly deteriorated from there, alas, but Kassovitz's loss is our gain today as he disowns Babylon A.D. in the most spectacular, career-immolating fashion imaginable:

The saga of Bryan Singer's Valkyrie, the Tom Cruise-as-Hitler-stalking -Nazi-infidel project that we frequently need to remind ourselves is an actual movie, and not just an improbable plot point in James Frey's Bright Shiny Morning—is not one for the fainthearted. From a location shoot hindered by a cult-leery, swastika-averse German government—to an ongoing round of musical release-dates that most recently positioned its opening for December 26, 1857, a safe 40 years before the invention of movie projectors—this is not what you call a sinking studio's dream project. Now Deadline Hollywood Daily notes that 11 Nazi soldier extras who fell out of a truck during filming last summer are suing United Artists for $11 million. (That's one million per Nazi, for those not schooled in the Third Reich-championed Hitler Math.) From Spiegel Online:

· It sure is nice to see Vin, Paul, and Michelle back where they belong: Safely penned away in a trailer for some movie we'll never see that doesn't come out for a very long time. [/Film] · Optical illusion time: Do you see Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor nuzzling noses, or a beautiful vase? It all depends upon where you focus! [My New Plaid Pants] · We knew there was a reason we were compelled to play Connect 4 with our four best friends while eating a Kit Kat bar on a four-seat couch whenever we watch The Tonight Show! [iBored] · $800,000-per-ep man Charlie Sheen has a fourth [Ed. note: Gasp! The Tonight Show Curse again!] child on the way, which, amazingly, has already appeared in utero on an episode of Denise Richards: It's Complicated. [USA Today] ·Everything about Love 'n Licks makes us uncomfortable. [YouTube]

If MTV's new fascination with the "spoiled rich girl" reality genre annoys as many viewers as it attracts, tonight's premiere of Exiled attempts to satisfy both audiences. In the new series, several of the worst teenage offenders from My Super Sweet 16 are sent by their parents (one of whom, it appears, is Tracey Ullman doing her Arianna Huffington impression) to remote locations where they must learn to get along with third world villagers and perform back-breaking labor, much of it involving animal feces. While a lot of ink could be spilled dissecting MTV's habit of building pretty girls up and then tearing them down, we'll quote instead from one of the kindly villagers, who stares at an Exiled cast member and says, "Sometimes you say stupid things." Villager, that's how she got her own show. [MTV]

We hope you got a kick out of Sunday's profile of Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, the screenwriters behind last weekend's highest-grossing new release The House Bunny, as well as previous hits 10 Things I Hate About You, Legally Blonde and She's the Man. Now the two are moving into producing, adaptations and will soon have an ABC series loosely based on their lives — another long stride in their champagne-soaked march toward world conquest. But what more should viewers at home expect from the personal stories of perhaps the most successful writing duo on Earth without a Y-chromosome between them? After the jump, The NY Times tips off a few more key secrets of Being Lutz and Smith:

Perhaps you made it to Sunset Junction this weekend—the once quirky and fun Silver Lake leather-daddy-and-Mexican-family street fair turned obnoxious $20-a-head hipster convention. Did you spot Molls? Did you eat a funnel cake? Can we declare Sunset Junction over? Look how far Isaac Hayes went to get out of playing it! (Do we sound bitter? Well, don't cordon off The Eagle, then charge us $20 to piss on our leg and tell us it's raining. We're accustomed to being pissed on for free!) As you can see from the photo above courtesy of Metromix Los Angeles, however, Sunset Junction is alive and well, and was presided over this year by the Mac guy and Kirsten Dunst, who had a pretty good career in the late-'90s/early '00s. More photos after the jump!

With summer dwindling to a close, tens of thousands of Los Angeles residents descended on eastside hipster haven Silver Lake for the 28th annual incarnation of Sunset Junction this weekend. We sent Molls across town to document some of the craziness, a scene she described as such: "It's like the LA version of Woodstock '99 with slightly better seeming intentions and less Fred Durst." Regardless of whether or not you concur with her description, we put together this highlight video (which includes a delightful spin of STD Roulette!) to capture the insanity of the weekend. As always, you can watch the clip and get your Monday To Do's after the jump. Enjoy!· Bon Iver at the Troubadour. · Armando Show at IO West. · Nathaniel Mackey at Book Soup. · All-Star Pro Jam at Harvelle's.

And now, another installment of "You Win One, You Lose One" (Andy Dick edition)! Win: The troubled comedian, who was accused of sexual battery for pulling down a 17-year-old girl's top at a chicken joint in July, has now seen his charge downgraded to a mere assault (though he'll still face four other misdemeanor charges related to the incident). Lose: According to TMZ, the arrest report for the incident includes the following unforgettable anecdote:

That thrilling rite of reality TV passage—the running of the Z-list celebs down the streets of Pomona and into the Dancing with the Stars studios for an unforgettable season of Mambos and Cha-Chas, marred infrequently by the occasional rogue-sequin blinding—is again underway, friends. Let's get right down to it. Here is your class of 2008-09:

How does the slowest industry news week of the year suddenly become a busy one at Defamer? Simple: Just add a Washington bureau! However, since we entered grueling negotiations last week to bring Victoria Jackson aboard as our full-time bureau chief and ideological consultant, we've fallen behind on a list of essential stories coming out of this week's Democratic National Convention. So for the sake of your political edification and our poor, congested inboxes, here's the latest worth knowing from Denver and beyond:· Hollywood East is open for business, reports Variety, with everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Kanye West to Cyndi Lauper enlisted to share in the platform platitudes. The bad news: Bono is skipping Denver, leaving a sanctimony vacuum from which organizers are attempting to shield guest speaker Fran Drescher — especially at this altitude. · Gamble for Democracy! In the best DNC synergy to date, Poker Players Alliance and the Paralyzed Veterans of America are co-hosting a charity tournament Tuesday at Coors Field. Ben Affleck will among the players; the winner gets a seat at the 2009 World Series of Poker. · "According to the Center For Responsive Politics, which follows political money, [Joe] Biden throughout his U.S. Senate career has raised only $390,298 from the TV/Movies/Music sector, including a mere $187,600 from entertainment industry donors in 2008 while he was running for President." More from Nikki Finke. · Access Hollywood kicked a note over the transom reporting that Jennifer Hudson will sing the national anthem before Obama's speech Thursday night. · Sheryl Crow performed at Red Rocks on Sunday, later telling Extra that while Barack Obama inspires her, "Celebrity has sort of become a derogatory term." Not on our watch, Sheryl! Anyway, tune in tonight, etc. etc. · Speaking of Extra, this just in about the show's Denver correspondent: "Carlos Diaz is reporting all week from Denver’s Democratic National Convention and is available for live shots." But enough about target practice! Zing! Ugh. Politics is hard! · Paul Colichman, the mogul (and Hillary Clinton supporter) behind Out, The Advocate, the Here network and other gay media monoliths, is outraged by Obama's professed aversion to gay marriage. "If we write checks to candidates who don't stand up for us, aren't we being self-destructive?" We don't know, Paul — Hillary didn't support gay marriage either, and you seem to have survived. Off you go! [Via Queerty]

Buffy The Vampire Slayer star Michelle Trachtenberg showed off her recent purchase from Malibu's most trendiest new boutique, "Un Jake Pour Vous." The high end boutique's mission is to help women turn their current boyfriend into their own personal Jake Gyllenhaal. Storeowner Maggie Fenech felt that creating a store to help women in making over their man was long overdue. Fenech said, "When I was trying to change my boyfriend's wardrobe after a year of being together, I was running all over the place. Sure, I could've gone online to pick up everything, but you need to touch and feel the fabrics. So, here we are with a store full of Gyllenhaal approved threads and facial hair growth kits."