This actress was "necking" with another famous lady in public, and even got her number. This closet case's boyfriend dumped him after he wasn't allowed to go to a movie premiere and this couple has stayed together forever since they're both asexual. That's gotta be the world's most boring closet.

Veronica Mars survivor Kristen Bell was on Dancing with the Degeneres this afternoon and shared a videotape of her first meeting with a sloth. She freaked the fuck out. Apparently she has loved sloths her whole life, and when her fiance, comedian Dax Shepard, went to introduce her to the hairy couch potato, she absolutely lost her shit.

Here is wax figure Nicolas Cage, trying to get along with actual Nicolas Cage at Paris's Musée Grévin on Sunday. Have you ever seen a wax figure look so fundamentally disinterested in his counterpart? I'm worried about their chemistry. Hopefully, they bonded just a little bit over the complicated life of a stunt motorcyclist who's often engulfed in flames and acting as jazz. Not everyone can share these interests, wax figure Nic and actual Nic. Go have a cigarette together, or something. [Via]

The city of Hoboken, New Jersey, has denied a request for a proposed MTV Jersey Shore spinoff starring the show's boozy Lucy and Ethel JWOWW and Snooki. Damn, no one in New Jersey wants these two.

Last night when fortifying myself for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, I realized it had a lot in common with that other great reality show of this year: the Republican Debates. Yes, there will be a million of them, everyone in attendance is ridiculous, nothing will get decided, and there will be a lot of yelling across the room.

This actress thinks if she's kinky enough, her boyfriend won't be gay anymore. This former sitcom actress is writing a book outing her two lesbian costars and this singer has a girlfriend but one of her male bandmembers is her beard. Being in the closet is so much work.

Did you guys watch Luck on HBO last night? Did you fall asleep like I did? Well, if you tuned in you saw the most exciting thing before the show even started: a new trailer for Game of Thrones.

I usually don't give a fuck about casting news, but when I saw that Shirley MacLaine was cast on Downton Abbey it seemed so awesomely perfect I thought for sure it had to be a prank. It isn't.

This foreign royal likes to indulge in the booger sugar when he's out at night clubs. This singer is giving fans herpes, this actor hates a movie he's in, and this actress is pissed she was offered the role of an older woman. Maybe a coke bender with a member of the monarchy will cheer her up.

What is happening with the greatest sociological experiment of our time? Everyone is getting along. Sammi and Ronnie aren't fighting. The Situation isn't being a dick. Everyone is getting along. It's so...so...boring.

A website with the lovely name "theshiznit.co.uk" has created a series of fake posters for Oscar-nominated movies with the theme "if 2012's Oscar-nominated movie posters told the truth." I think "funny" is definitely a word that I could see being applied to these. Click in the lower-left corner of the picture to see full-sized. Happy traffic day, by the way. [The Shiznit]

This leading lady was getting prescriptions filled from multiple on-set doctors. This actress slept with a casting director to get her big role (surprise, surprise) and this actress feels guilty that her movies objectify women. There's no pill to make that go away.

Hollywood Reporter via NYDN: "After months of headaches over stars Bradley Cooper, Zack Galifanakis and Ed Helms' $15 million-plus contract demands, Warner Brothers is nearing a deal" for The Hangover III. Hollywood will not stop until it grinds this franchise into the ground, sucking every last dollar and ounce of humor from Zach Galifanakis' slowly draining soul. Not a bad way to go, all things considered. [image via Warner-Brothers]

This famous music man keeps a bevy of beautiful women on the payroll. They're not for his pleasure, they're to lure in new artists. This actress doesn't want to keep her baby and another actress' famous husband is cheating with the nanny. See the trouble that happens when there are babies around?

We got an angry email from Juliette Lewis' publicist (she must be doing pretty well if she has a publicist) saying that the girl getting boned in this picture by perv photo Terry Richardson is not Juliette Lewis. Then it must be a photo of Terry Richardson fucking a girl that looks like Juliette Lewis.

TMZ got their grubby little hands on some really amazing photos of slowly curdling tween sensation Miley Cyrus eating a penis cake. Oh, Miley, this actually makes me kind of love you.

This kinky hip-hop star had quite the party in Sundance. Only this other celeb and a few women were invited and both men got to share. Speaking of sharing, this actress' new nanny is her partner's ex-lover. And baby makes four?

Last night barely divorced actress Demi Moore was taken to the hospital in an ambulance for issues related to substance abuse. We're not sure what the symptoms were or what the substances are, but 911 was called, so it couldn't have been pretty.

As the mist clears on the glen, the great city of Brigadoon Hills once again disappears beyond the horizon to disappear for yet another interval. But before that can happen it left us with a wedding, the gift of true love, a wake, and the tearless grieving of a host of widows.

This actress made a splash at Sundance. It wasn't with an indie film, it was by sleeping with a much older director. Don't worry, she just turned 18. Also at Sundance, this actor hooked up with a much older actress. Do they hold this festival twice—in May and December?