Because Friday is traditionally our day for fun times and 1/2 price, 11 a.m. margaritas, we bring you now this gallery of completely inspired "Truthful TV Title Cards," masterfully created by Glark blog. (Seriously! Check out that workmanship on Summer's Assholes 10.) And while we would have loved a version of How I Met Your Mother called Four Forgettable Characters Plus Neil Patrick Harris and a Shameless Laugh Track, beggars can't be choosers, ya know?

· Brad Pitt and George Miller are teaming to adapt Homer's The Odyssey into a sci-fi opera, set in a futuristic world where Pitt's abs are the only sustainable fuel source. [Variety] · Will Ferrell will make his Broadway debut this January in the Adam McKay-directed You're Welcome America: A Final Night With George W Bush. Look for opening night protests by Anonymous—a shadowy group comprised of one guy in a Guy Fawkes mask who sounds a lot like Chris Kattan chanting, "You stole my career!" [Variety] After the jump: How did McCain's visit to Letterman affect the ratings? Here's a hint: They went up!· Kevin Smith is hoping to make a $50 million sci-fi comedy, and the Weinsteins "have read part of the script and are interested." So that's where Harvey is! Securing funding on Venus. [THR] · McCain's Late Show appearance brought in the show's biggest ratings in three years: 6.5 million, to be precise, were hoping to see the first shaming-to-death of a presidential candidate in history. They were left disappointed. [Variety] · Opportunity Knocks—the Ashton Kutcher brainchild that brings the game show right to your upper-middle-class, suburban-white-family door!—has been pulled from ABC's schedule after three low-rated episodes. [TV Week]

When Sarah Palin's teenage daughter Bristol revealed her pregnancy earlier this year, all of America played the exciting game "This Thing Is Like That Thing," remarking, "Hail fellow! This young maiden with childe recalls the heroine of the moving picture Juno. For seriousballs!" And it was good. Sadly, Sarah Palin is not Allison Janney, and according to Juno scripter Diablo Cody, Bristol is no Sunny D-swigging Juno, either:

Now we think we know where Tom Cruise was last night while Katie Holmes labored through her Broadway premiere all alone: Snapshots from a Defamer spy suggest he hit Century City after hours, sneaking the first of Valkyrie's oversize stand-ups into the lobby at MGM. We have it on good authority from the inside that such direct marketing of an MGM release in the faces of its employees and other building tenants is an unprecedented move for the buttoned-down distributor, but face it: You'd probably do the same thing if you had the chance cut your studio's holiday decoration budget by 95 percent. [Follow the jump for the enlarged detail.]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the launch party for the block buster video game, “Fallout 3,” Courtney Cox admitted that she did in fact call Wonder Woman star Lynda Carter and planned coordinating lipstick and blouse colors. It had been a life long dream of Cox to wearing a matching ensemble with one of her childhood heroes. Cox said, “I just called Lynda up and she said, ‘I’m wearing red,’ and I just reached for my best Joker lipstick. And boom, we were like a set of twins over here.” [Photo Credit: WENN] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

She may have lost her hot fudge virginity recently to a towering ice cream sundae, but Miley Cyrus swears she has yet to round the real bases with her underwear model boyfriend, Justin Gaston. (Which reminds us of that old joke: Q. What's the difference between regular male models and underwear models? A. Ball separators!) All that isn't to say she hasn't been fully supportive of his career, however, clapping wildly as her man struts down the runway, showing off the latest advancements in 2(x)ist's proprietary JunkFlex™ technology. But according to some eyewitnesses at a recent LA Fashion Week event, Cyrus got a little carried away, exposing her tongue suggestively (see photo) and plotting a hot night of bible-passage-exchange with her beau following the show. Page Six reports:

In case your ears aren't capable of picking up the high-pitched caterwauling of girls (and, well, yes, some boys too) between the ages of 8 and 18, let me tell you something. High School Musical 3: Senior Year is step-ball-changing into movie theaters next week. It's the first of the series to be splashed up on the big screen, as the first two aired to tremendous success (255 million viewers worldwide, so far) on the Disney Channel. HSM-related product sales have reached upwards of $500 million, and its stars, or at least lead heartthrob Zac Efron, have been vaunted into the paparazzi-stalked realm of superstarletdom. Now advance ticket sales for the third (and final for most of the original cast) movie are huuuuge. It's going to be big, people. So what, dear tweendom neophyte, is all the fuss about? I'll try to explain it after the jump.

The Katie Holmes Road Show and Protester Revival landed last night near Times Square, where the star made her Broadway debut amid a devoted crowd of tourists, family and Scientology nemeses flanking 45th Street. The reviews — and the heartfelt pleas for calm — are in after the jump.No one was anticipating miracles from the Schoenfeld Theater, where Holmes joined John Lithgow, Patrick Wilson and Dianne Wiest for the premiere of Arthur Miller's 1947 breakthrough All My Sons. So no one seemed disappointed that they didn't get them: Despite his best, unfailingly self-promotional intentions, Fox's Roger Friedman dampened expectations earlier this week, and the word so far from New York's more authoritative drama critics took care to treat Holmes as just another distinguished board-treader: · "The very different leading actresses — the stage veteran Ms. Wiest and the neophyte Ms. Holmes, in her Broadway debut — are sad casualties of [director Simon] McBurney’s high-concept approach. [...] Ms. Holmes delivers most of her lines with meaningful asperity, italicizing every word. This Ann is straight from the school of the Erinyes (those avenging furies from Greek mythology), and I didn’t believe for a second that she really loved the honorable, naïve Chris." — Ben Brantley, The NY Times

Click to viewBoomp3.com Swing Vote star Kevin Costner’s moment of pleasure quickly turned into regret as Costner began to wonder where the ice cream would end up. After the ice cream cone failed to answer his question, Costner assumed that the ice cream would go to his thighs. Costner paused for a moment and continued to plow through his cone. Using his regular guy charm, Costner said, “I guess I’ll just have to swim extra lap at the pool in the morning.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Having already made it clear that he was less than amused with Andy Samberg's take on him as an amateur goat-whisperer from the mean streets of Mass (an impersonation we've hailed as pure genius—but Marky, if you're reading this, we hated it!), Mark Wahlberg upped the stakes considerably on a Jimmy Kimmel Live! appearance last night.After Kimmel ran a clip from the offending sketch, the actor—in a studied bit of business borrowed from any number of Scorsese-DeNiro collaborations—fastidiously plucked a stray thread off his dress shirt as he pledged to "crack [the Hot Rod star's] big fucking nose." The only thing better than a celebrity feud is a celebrity feud with lightly anti-Semitic undertones and the potential of skull fragmentation. Still, we think his tough-guy bark is worse than his bite, and Samberg needn't start truly panicking until Wahlberg pledges, in a clever twist on one of Samberg's greatest hits, to deliver the young comic his own nuts in a box.

Well Kanye West, we've got to give it to you. In the past we've mocked you for your blog, your anti-hippie rants, your comical self-importance, and your muppet show. But that was before you filled a room with dozens of nude women as a backdrop for your record release party. Critics who enjoy nude women loved it! Here's how these creative, out-of-the-box tactics worked for Kanye and his media friends—Nakedness below:

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your one and only guide to everything new, noteworthy and potentially noxious at the movies. This week sees Oliver Stone officially establish the land-speed record for producing an Oscar contender, joined by skull-cracking Mark Wahlberg, sex-driving Seth Green and our diva-colored underdog. As always, someone's gotta lose; we'll call our shot there, too, along with cherry-picking through a new crop of DVD's. As always, our opinions are our own, but we have little doubt they would look great on you. Try them on after the jump.WHAT'S NEW: No one would argue that Mark Wahlberg's video-game adaptation Max Payne won't win the weekend, but with Beverly Hills Chihuahua still barking in theaters (it actually expands by 32 screens this week), the sour-cop actioner might see a tiny bite out of its margin of victory. Still, $20.8 million is a reliable bet, with Disney's purse dog settling settling with around $11.5 million. The X factor is W., the Bush biopic which some forecasters see sneaking into second place with as much as $12 million. But to project any more than $10 million, maybe $11 million max is to overestimate it as anything more than a curio, an election-year stunt that wields neither the bite nor the influence that even we thought it would when the fall movie season began. Josh Brolin drawls and squints in fitful, fascinating bursts, and certain imagined powwows leading up to the 2003 Iraq invasion make for riveting ensemble drama. On the whole, though, W. connotes the rush job it was — undisciplined, tonally dissonant (Stone's professed empathy for Bush repeatedly knocks its head on low-hanging satirical fruit) and way, way too long. The American people deserve better, and at least until Nov. 4, they'll vote with their dollars. There will be no stealing this election. Also opening: Seth Green's R-rated romp Sex Drive; Roy Disney's boat-race vanity project Morning Light; critic Godfrey Cheshire's acclaimed doc filmmaking bow Moving Midway; the indie tolerance drama Tru Loved; and for those of you in New York (and the rest of you on VOD), Madonna's directorial debut Filth and Wisdom. (L.A. will get its theatrical engagement Oct. 31.) THE BIG LOSER: The Barry Levinson-directed/Robert De Niro-starring Hollywood satire What Just Happened is one of the year's finest case-studies in meta: A troubled, pedigreed film about troubled, pedigreed filmmaking, following in the flatlining tradition of every industry saga that preceded it. It false-started out of Sundance last January but finally found a taker at Cannes, and to its credit, Magnolia Pictures has aggressively pushed the film everywhere from baseball playoffs to presidential debates. Still, one half of that audience hates Hollywood, and the other half is off to see W. As recipes for disaster go — even in limited release — this one is ready to serve.

Saturday Night Live just aired its second Thursday political special, and it was a marked improvement on last week's middling debut — why, even the presidential debate skit was sort of funny! For our money, though, the extended Weekend Update was the show's crown jewel, and that segment's MVP was Kristen Wiig as the confused Republican who notoriously asserted that Obama was an Arab at a recent rally. Though hilarious enough on its own, Wiig's halting impression also reminded us of Chester from Sifl & Olly, and that's never a bad thing. The entire segment, after the jump:Click to view

As promised, John McCain finally made it to the Late Show with David Letterman tonight, and we've got CBS-supplied footage of many of the highlights. Not included: the twenty minutes of relentless McCain jokes that Letterman opened the show with to signal that this would hardly be a pushover appearance for McCain. And it wasn't!Things started to get somewhat heated just before the first commercial break, when Letterman clearly surprised McCain by meeting his Ayers reference with a question about McCain's association with Watergate criminal G. Gordon Liddy. As McCain struggled to figure out a response (eventually, he decided to embrace Liddy), Letterman pricelessly threw to commercial, leaving the candidate stranded. Also, Letterman? Not that confident in Sarah Palin's ability to lead! Peruse some of these highlights and see for yourself. [CBS]

· We think we got most of the essentials out in the headline. Oh—it's on The Tonight Show. Enjoy. · Oh. Ma. Ga. After what seemed like an eternity of the same "Under Construction" placeholder card featuring an unflattering shot of Britney in a hard hat eating cheesy fries, BritneySpears.com has finally relaunched. · What is e-MANcipate!? "e-MANcipate! is a project to accelerate the acceptance of male pantyhose as a regular clothing item." Even truck drivers are getting in on the act! · Christina is the #1-selling Down Syndrome Doll. · Whooaaaaaa: The Sunnnnnnn.

Once, by far the cheapest (and cheapest-looking) movie to ever win an Oscar, is getting over one more time on the muscle of its soundtrack. A trio of producers today announced they have optioned last year's indie hit for the stage, plotting to bring the tale of an Irish busker and his broken-vacuum toting Eastern European ladylove who absolutely refuse to stop singing under any circumstances to the Broadway berth where they belong. But will the original duo be invited back, whether you want them or not?

There's only one more of these things, people—so let's make them count. Decked out in their finest West Coast Choppers gear, Mollseroonie and her gay husband Ed (and their canine Third World orphan Wagandstuff) attempt to make Molly cry with sad songs. It doesn't work on Molly, but we were definitely shedding real tears of pain during their Melissa Etheridge duet, and tears of happiness when it was over. One, two! To Do!· Adventures in Loneliness at UCB · Tegan and Sara at the Fonda · Clue at the Next Stage Theater · Plants and Animals at Spaceland

The entire political season has been leading up to this moment: no, not November 4, but tonight's appearance of John McCain on the Late Show with David Letterman! Ever since the presidential candidate canceled his September appearance at the last minute, the McCain/Letterman War of '08 has raged on, with a celebrity army (comprised of Paris Hilton and Julia Louis-Dreyfus) ready to fall on their swords for the late-night host. Now, finally, McCain has taped a make-up appearance set to air later tonight, and details are beginning to trickle out:

What a Drag: Apparently someone at the Huffington Post doesn't take too kindly to Denis Leary's attempts to walk back his controversial comments on autism — at least, if this inexplicable picture of Leary in a dress is any indication. What, is the photo editor the ghost of Bill Hicks? [HuffPo]

After traumatizing the Today audience yesterday with her delightful tale of family syphilis, former Brady Bunch star Maureen McCormick took her unsettling book tour to The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, where she opened up about cocaine ("They would call me 'The Hoover' because of how much cocaine I would do") and family planning ("I was 18, 19 and 20 when I had each abortion"), then recounted a brand-new story about hitting rock bottom that was markedly different than the one she told Meredith Vieira on Tuesday. This one, you see, involved Indiana Jones: