How big was Saturday Night Live's Sarah Palin cameo? This big: the show scored a 10.7 rating and 24 share, its highest rating in fourteen years. THR's crack ratings expert James Hibberd was quick with the overnights, and in no time, his blog was swarmed by hundreds of gleeful conservatives. "Tina Fey looked liked a drug addict hag next to the natural beauty and class of Sarah Palin!!!" exhorted "zig." Other commenters noted that Fey was probably 50% Egyptian and wants to turn the White House into a pyramid. [THR]

Click to viewBoomp3.com A coy Jennifer Aniston quickly denied the claim that she had babies on the brain while waiting for a friend in a back alley. Aniston chuckled as she discovered the accidental thought bubble above her, saying, “Maybe I should stand underneath a sign that says 'Oscar winner,' or 'cheeseburger.'” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Now that you're done with that failed marriage, find some celestial guidance from our weekly horoscopes. If today - October 20 - is your birthday: While celebrating tonight, you will be horrified to discover that not only have your parents hidden a sibling from you your entire life, but she's also the one who keeps stealing those "fat best friend" parts from you. Libra (September 24 - October 23): An inviting side street will illuminate a path out of your mental gridlock, but it'll only take you up to the brain's equivalent of Melrose and the traffic isn't moving much faster there. More star signs after the jump!Scorpio (October 24 - November 22): Minding your manners and being polite doesn't seem to be impressing the higher ups at your agency. Start an intra-office newsletter that makes fun of Jews and breast-cancer-cure researchers. You'll definitely get noticed now. Sagittarius (November 23 - December 21): Set aside a few seats to your "Industry V.I.P.s." LAX Mariott meet n' greet. As a result of this courtesy, you will find yourself with a regular paycheck in two weeks, though not in any of the industries you intended. Capricorn (December 22 - January 20): Like all Capricorns, you pride yourself on practicality and reason, which makes your decision to convert your studio to "green production" all the more disconcerting. Aquarius (January 21 - February 19): Even though you sometimes feel bad for making your assistant run incredibly annoying personal errands — Wait, no you don't. Never mind. Dick. Pisces (February 20 - March 20): Try something new this week: Send out the dramatic, brooding B&W headshot for the Upbeat Teacher part in the kindergarten comedy and the fun-loving, sitting on a playground, full color photo for the part of Pillager #8 in the Ivan the Terrible miniseries. Aries (March 21-April 20): The career of singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman, a fellow Aries, will show you the ideal lifepath today. You will have a feeling that you belong and that you could be someone, be someone, be someone. Taurus (April 21 - May 21): Be nice when the homeless guy outside The Ivy hands you his Brothers & Sisters spec. At least he signed the release form. Gemini (May 22 - June 21): It's never too early for New Year's resolutions, so stop telling the American Girl Cafe staff about the time George Clooney asked you for directions. Cancer (June 22 - July 23): If it's just going to get on your nerves when no one eats your tofu casserole, then don't keep sneaking it onto the catering table. There's nothing worse than a pissy craft services guy. Leo (July 24 - August 23): Regardless of the veracity of the statement, you probably shouldn't tell your friends that Maureen McCormick's tell-all could just as easily be about you. Virgo (August 24 - September 23): Don't fret over your increasingly strained relations with your parents. Though their emotional support may wane, their financial support will always allow you to make as many bad lesbian-interest short films as you want.

The entertainment industry's GOP delegate count remains at historic lows two weeks ahead of the presidential election, a phenomenon glimpsed today in a new survey over at The Hollywood Reporter. It's surely not for lack of trying — not with efforts like An American Carol and the McCain campaign's brief Beverly Hills incursion raising Republican visibility where they can — but outrage continues to mount among right-wingers like Kelsey Grammer and pundit Andrew Breitbart, the latter of whom chimed in yet again to tout the conservative, "Big Hollywood" blog he's been pushing since before the GOP convention in August:

Like a good episode of The X-Files, David Duchovny's autumn has incorporated one twist after another: shocking revelations (his sex addiction!), creepy, cigarette-smoking men (Billy Bob Thornton!) and now, finally, a guest star who truly is special. Meet Edit Pakay, the actor's 28-year-old tennis instructor, who has given a deliciously rambling interview to The Mail in which she teases that she might have had an affair with Duchovny, though she is eternally quick to back away from the brink of total revelation (also kind of X-Filesy!):

Time to unzip your Happy Weekend Suit and step back into your Monday Morning Iron Maiden: The work week is again upon us. Quick—jumpstart your productivity with some box office numbers before someone finds your position detrimental to the bottom line: 1. Max Payne - $18 million Fresh off his ass-whispering turn on an especially excruciating, Sarah Palin-boosted episode of SNL, it's Mark Wahlberg who's doing most of the laughing today: The actor's latest cinematic foray clicked with young male moviegoers, despite being dismissed by most critics as being hyper-stylized junk, like some spiraling turd floating in the Wachowski brothers's septic tank. Still, not all were left unimpressed, as a giddy Colin Powell, his eyes reflecting a steady downpour of slo-mo bullets, gushed to his wife that the "transformational" third-person-shooter adaptation who would "electrify" our country's fanboy electorate.2. Beverly Hills Chihuahua - $11.2 million Audiences continued to roll onto their backs and squirm in delight as they had their bellies rubbed by Disney's bat-eared superstars. Not surprisingly, then, the hit's microscopic sequel—Fleas of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, about a poor, parasitic insect family that hops from rich chihuahua to rich chihuahua so that their children can enroll in the area's public schools—is being rushed into production. 3. The Secret Life of Bees - $11.05 million Gracefully developing, is-she-or-isn't-she-stroppy? superstar Dakota Fanning and friends balanced out the vast gender divide for Fox, giving their Searchlight label the women who avoided Max Payne like the plague. "We had something for everyone," explained Fox VP Bert Livingston, temporarily forgetting about the 99.999999% of the world's population interested in neither. 4. W. - $10.55 million Let's run down W.'s numbers: It's Oliver Stone's fifth-best opening ever, right behind Natural Born Killers. Exit polling showed 47% of audiences were over 40, 90% don't like the President, 80% were voting Obama, and 6% McCain. A round 100%, however, thought the movie was intermittently engaging, but by and large a cojones-deficient mess. 5. Eagle Eye - $7.343 million "If you want to live, you'll do as I say. Now get wasted, hook up with Adrian Grenier's girlfriend, and lose a pinkie nail in a near-fatal car accident at the corner of Hollywood and La Brea. You'll get your next instruction there."

Richard Sylvan Selzer — better known to pop culture observers as the acerbic, list-making fashion zealot Mr. Blackwell — died Sunday of complications from an intestinal infection. He was 86. A former hustler, petty thief and model whose acting and B-grade fashion career overlapped with the infamous 10 Worst-Dressed Celebrities list he launched in 1960, Mr. Blackwell found his voice firing one-line zingers into a crowded pop culture at a time when celebrities could do little wrong. His latter-year rhymes weren't always fully functional, but some of his early jibes were as vicious as anything you'd find online today; 10 years ago he said of his commentary: "The list is and was a satirical look at the fashion flops of the year. I merely said out loud what others were whispering. ... It's not my intention to hurt the feelings of these people. It's to put down the clothing they're wearing." Believe us, Mr. Blackwell, we can relate — as can so many of our peers and colleagues in print and online who, for better or worse, trade on his influence every day. After the jump, we mourn his passing with our own top 10 of Mr. Blackwell's withering witticisms from nearly 50 years on the scene. Rest in peace, (un)kind sir.10. Jane Fonda (1967) — "Stretch pants on angel food cake." 9. Howard Stern (1995, the first year a man topped the list) — "Let's face it. Howard's 'Miss America' drag looks like Godzilla impersonating Gypsy Rose Lee." 8. Elke Sommer (1973) — "Do-it-yourself kit with the wrong instructions!" 7. Martha Stewart (1999)— "She dresses like the centerfold for The Farmer's Almanac."

· Who will keep Madonna's mustache in her bitter divorce battle with Guy Ritchie? · Not enough break-up drama? Can we interest you in a Grazer split? What about David Duchovny and Tea Leoni? · Why didn't late-night pitbull David Letterman pin down John McCain for trying to grab Barack Obama's ass in this week's debate? · Were you born under a Grazer sign? If so, have we got the horoscope for you! · So which is it: Is Dakota Fanning a "diva from hell" or just extra-dedicated to her tween craft? · How many stars has Ben Lyons fucked anyway? · Who has the better cure for autism: Dr. Denis Leary or cleavage-therapy pioneer Jenny McCarthy? · One way or another, will somebody at NBC please put Tina Fey back on the air already? · Can any memoir ever really justify Marcia Brady's shocking, sudden candor? · Have you mailed your last-ever fan letter to Ringo Starr yet? · Which is the more proper artistic tribute to Angelina Jolie: A milk-spurting mall fountain or photos of hamburger-noshing? · From the C-word to the F-word, can you believe the plunging standards on cable news these days? · Is it Spock or is it Katie Holmes? And how did fighting with William Shatner become J.J. Abrams's life, anyway? · Have you checked out our helpful new TV listings, "Watch Tivo Kill"? Well? What are you waiting for?

Here she is: my final Defamer baby, ready to be consumed by you, Death Star Employees and plebes alike. I took a slightly different approach than you are used to, and I'm loosely referring to this piece as my Love Letter to Hollywood, a city that I have learned to be totally flippin' bananas about while working at this fine blog. Much of my early days at Defamer and all of my most memorable moments took place on this very Walk of Fame and it only seemed right to try and find a way to say thank you to this city and its people for helping me find my way.To throw some more specific holla: Mark Lisanti, your influence on my life is undeniable. I can't thank you enough for the opportunities you've given me and for including me in what has been one of the greatest things I've ever done in my life. Seth - The amount of time we spend together alone is enough to have made you one of my best friends this year. I'll never drink another iceroonie or eat another piece of mee-so KAWD and not think of you, my blue-eyed hilarity machine. If you ever need someone to go on a three-day bender in TJ with, you know who to call. And once again, I'm sorry I texted you the words "Let's get crunk" six times on New Year's Eve. In retrospect, that wasn't cool. Mark Graham, you're the one who gave me breaks I arguably didn't deserve and I can't say thank you enough. Thank you for putting up with my occasional brattitude, thank you for your constantly positive outlook and thank you for agreeing that Gregory and Migle were totally boning on Kid Nation. They were boning. You and me, dude. We called that. Stu, you really spruced this joint up. Your intelligence, wit and kindness will always stick with me. Next time I'm in New York, the brown liquor of your choice is on me. Kyle, it hasn't been long, but it's been long enough for me to know that you and I are gonna be friends for a really long time. Then I'll get famous and ignore you. Look, babe: you get it. All J/Ks aside, you've got my love on lockdown. You'll never have to ask where this Yeezey is. Never. Douglas. Mr. Reinhardt, you're very special to me. I don't know what I did to earn your admiration, but I have few friends in the world who are as quick to throw down for me as you. I'm not even sure if I deserve to have someone be as nice to me as you are, but thank you for everything. You're the kinda kid who's going to set the world on fire, one Boner Party at a time. Alex Goldberg, my NYC counterpart and Tumblr-PIC: You've got that kind of crazy, sexy, cool attitude that I'm all about. Meeting you has been one of my greatest privileges here. I could just drink your soul and then write a blog entry all about it. Jim Kleckner, who took all 4,600 stills that make up this final video, thank you for your inspiration and friendship. To the stars of my videos - The WGA Strikers, the Superheroes, Franco the Pretzel Guy and my generous friends who have tirelessly worked with me: Ed, Alexis, Mel, Kendall, Johnny and Glen from Coffee Bean. Thanks for letting me shove a camera in your face so I could get a paycheck. And report the news. If I could give each and everyone of you a snickerdoodle and a hug, you can bet I would. And finally, to the readers and commenters who've stuck by me: Let's make out. You guys "get it" and "getting it" is just about the sexiest thing anyone can do these days. I'd like to page the view out of each and every one of you. If you want to find me, I'm here. And I miss you already. -Molls To Do: Friday · The Roots and Gym Class Heroes at the Palladium · We The People: Documentary Film Fest at the Echo Park Film Center · Say Hi at the Echo Saturday · Patti Smith at the Orpheum · Fourplay at the Lancaster Performing Arts Center · Sleeping Beauty at Theater West Sunday · Mary J. Blige at the Gibson Amphitheater · Twist and Shout at the Crown City Theater · Jeff Garlin's Combo Platter at UCB

About Time: It was only a matter of time before the week's two big autism stories collided, but let's thank Access Hollywood for hastening things along. Billy Bush caught up with "cleavage and veggies" advocate Jenny McCarthy to get her comments on Denis Leary's assertion that autistic kids are stupid and lazy, and she described a scene that sounded as though it had come straight out of a Sarah Palin rally. "Whoo! First of all, let me tell you, the autism community has received probably 10,000 emails [saying] 'Go kill him!' 'Go yell at him,'" she told Bush. "[But] it’s so hard to even get up enough juice in me or energy in me to even try to fight someone that is obviously stupid." Really? Jenny, consider your guest-blogging privileges at Defamer revoked. [Us]

Comments of the Week! Last Friday, we gave our star commenters the prize of a corner table at the Grill, but they forgot to tip their servers (and really: all those limoncellos at 11am?). This week, we're awarding the writers of the five best comments a double date with Alex Rodriguez and a hirsute, learning-to-love-again Madonna. Enjoy! · classicfantastic on Mark Wahlberg To 'Crack' Andy Samberg's 'Big Fucking Nose': "Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to fight with Andy Samberg." · TenTimesFiltered on Drunken Dialects of the South, With Your Guide Dennis Quaid: "I've never seen The Big Easy. Does he get bitten in the mouth by snakes at the beginning?"· Benny on Is This Your New Spock From 'Star Trek,' Or a Melty-Faced Katie Holmes?: "Mr... Spock... I'm... going for more beer! Check you... later... braugh!" · Tiger_Tanaka on UTA Riles Some With Its 'Black Boy Chained To Monkey' Lobby Portrait: "The guy is sad because the monkey's outfit is doper than his. That picture was taken inside UTA's mailroom, right?" · Tyrol_Kyd on Travis Barker Not a Fan of Hospital Life, Ex-Wife Shanna Moakler: "He's just jealous because she can get rid of her burning sensations with a simple dose of Valtrex." Congratulations to this week's top five! Oh, and a word of advice: Don't bring up Sarah Palin. Madge can be a bit touchy about that whole thing.

After a long slog winning over everyone from skeptical Germans to Cloris Leachman, Quentin Tarantino is already a little more than a week into shooting his World War II action epic Inglourious Basterds [sic]. And now the first photo from the set features star Brad Pitt in smooth, modelesque repose — just the way we remember our grandfathers telling us about the European front. See him in all his Nazi-scalping sartorial splendor after the jump.We thought at first that Pitt looked a little aged as Basterds' Lt. Aldo Raine; maybe not Benjamin Button-aged, but certainly more distinguished than the frosted flake he portrayed last month in Burn After Reading or the sandaled hero sure to follow in his forthcoming The Odyssey. It's most likely just us, though, perhaps having missed the stage direction in Tarantino's bootlegged script that called for "a tall, brooding Jew, Abercrombie-coiffed, and boasting the weathered visage of one top-secret orphan-hunt too many." Either way, wake us up when Cloris arrives.

It's Friday night, so the memory of anything you watch will likely be drowned in a pool of Heineken Light. Probably a positive thing. WATCH Crash [10 PM, Starz] - Starz joins the original scripted drama club with this new series based on the Dave Matthews Band sex ballad, er 2005 Academy Award-winning film. The premiere episode opens with Dennis Hopper's outlandish record producer talking to his penis and unfolds into various Angelenos occupying unstable positions on the cop-criminal continuum. We've looked through the channel guide for ten minutes and are still not sure we have Starz. Forbidden fruit is always sweetest.

Aaand He's Out! When we last checked in on Travis Barker, he'd extended a healing middle finger to the camera while reassuring fans that he'd be released from the hospital soon. Looks like that came even faster than he'd anticipated — the rocker was discharged from Sherman Oaks' Grossman Burn Center today. Upon hearing the news, negligent ex-wife Shanna Moakler ducked into the dressing room at Maxfield to cannily whisper into her cell phone, "Trav? Babe? I'm at the hospital, where are you?" [E!]

IMDB is Finally Legal: We know where your mind probably went hearing that the Internet Movie Database turns 18 today. But despite the lovely note passed along by founder Col Needham, we're mostly just relieved we can finally throw it out of the house. So, IMDB, consider yourself emancipated — write if you get work, and don't forget to vote. [IMDB]

For nearly a month, we've needled gay Hollywood to contribute to the "No on Prop 8" cause that, for a while, seemed to be the exclusive domain of straight allies like Steven Spielberg and Brad Pitt. Most visibly MIA was Ellen DeGeneres, whose marriage this summer to actress Portia De Rossi should have given her even more reasons to fight Prop 8, which is designed to take away marriage rights awarded to same-sex couples in California. Now, finally, DeGeneres has stepped up to the plate, donating $100,000 so that the "No on Prop 8" campaign can air a new ad DeGeneres has recorded about how the proposition affects her personally. Props must be paid. The ad, after the jump:

What a mess: Paramount's reshuffling of 2008 awards bait including Defiance and The Soloist — the latter of which now won't open until next March — has left devastated Oscar watchers (including us) tossing out their carefully wrought Trophynomics™ calculations for the fall movies season. Few are more dismayed than the DreamWorks gang, whose hopes that The Soloist might at least cover the cost of hiring movers were met with the reality check that the 'Mount has more important, Brad Pitt-y things to do before year's end. We think this, along with other traumatic developments elsewhere over the last week, calls for an all-new Oscar scorecard; start over with us after the jump.So who's in and who's out? · The Soloist: OUT. The move to March 13 stings for everyone, especially with millions in marketing dollars already being spent ahead of the Jamie Foxx/Robert Downey Jr. drama's Nov. 21 release. Both men were on the bubble for actor nominations — Foxx as a schizophrenic cellist and RDJ as the journalist who chronicles his feel-good recovery journey — but Paramount's new conservatism (i.e. an intern hiding Brad Grey's checkbook) means it only has so many in-house resources to lend to its fall releases. The studio's semi-official insistence that the shifts have nothing to do with the film's quality or favoring its homegrown Benjamin Button and Scott Rudin/DreamWorks offering Revolutionary Road, but that's bullshit. It's not 2006 anymore; nobody can afford all this prestige at once.

Say Hi To Sarah Palin For Us, OK? Just as predicted by a jaded and/or savvy Defamer commenter, Mark Wahlberg's threats against Andy Samberg's nose may in fact be part of an elaborate set-up for the actor's appearance on SNL. Says Usmagazine.com: "A source hints that Wahlberg will appear on SNL this weekend to get his revenge in person." Add that to a confirmed appearance by "Sling Blade" Sarah Palin, and we'll have a real pop culture hall of mirrors tomorrow night. Perhaps all four will be squeezed into one sketch that involves Andy-Mark trying to make conversation with a moose recently felled by Tina-Sarah, a scenario interrupted when their real-life inspirations saunter along to register their disapproval and bust some big, Jewish noses. [Usmagazine.com]

Though DJ AM was recently welcomed back to Hollywood with a bash fit for our putative next president, his friend Travis Barker remains in the hospital, still recovering from burns sustained from the plane crash that took the lives of their friends. Barker just took to Myspace to update his fans, extending both kudos to the hospital staff and a middle finger to hospital life in general. Also deserving of Barker's burned digit? The ex-wife who's begun to incur his ire, Shanna Moakler.Though press reports said Moakler flew to be with Barker when he was still in a Georgia burn unit, Barker complained (in a missive that was later edited out of his Myspace blog entry) that she hadn't been to visit him since he was moved to an LA hospital earlier this month. Now, the never press-shy Moakler is brushing off those comments and claiming that she was almost on that fateful flight:

We hear from a good source that Sumner Redstone, the 85-year-old media mogul who controls Viacom (which includes MTV, BET, Paramount, and Dreamworks), is separating from Paula Fortunato, his wife of five years. Fortunato will be moving out this weekend, our source says. Redstone married Fortunato—a former public school teacher who is 40 years his junior—in 2003, several years after he divorced his first wife. Redstone's finances are currently under a significant strain thanks to the recent economic meltdown, causing him a good deal of stress. Fortunato's biggest moment in the spotlight came when she reportedly forced her husband to break with Tom Cruise in 2006. There were rumors a year ago that the marriage was not happy; now, according to our source, it's all but over. Anyone with more information can email us. This may be the first sign that relationships based on anything other than love or sexual attraction will be sorely tested by this financial crisis. Another source tells us that Martha Stewart and Mark Burnett, the reality show maven who works with her, "had a giant blowout, over money." Along with the timing of this Sumner Redstone rumor, it paints a grim picture. Let's hope this doesn't get so bad that it filters down to the non-rich.