The KESQ 3 News website says that The Insider is reporting that Pat O'Brien's best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Lindsay Lohan pass out at 31 Flavors Thursday night that she's now hospitalized somewhere in L.A.with a "high fever." We're sure that O'Brien is tending to Lohan at her bedside, waiting for that moment when her hospital gown slips down juuust enough for him to get a true insider's look at her goodies. We wish Lindsay a speedy recovery in hopes that she can return to her fine work on the set of Herbie:Fully Loaded.

The always-reliable WENN reports that The O.C. co-stars and real-life snuggle-bunnies Adam "Seth Cohen" Brody and Rachel "Summer" Bilson have gotten engaged, pledging themselves to a life of shared Death Cab concerts, candid World Series bleacher shots for Fox promos, and, after their eventual separation, awkward reunion shows where they pretend that they still talk all the time. We'd love to say that Brody got down on bended knee in our bathroom to express his undying love, but, alas, he must have settled for a less romantic venue (we've got scented candles and a year's worth of Entertainment Weekly in there!). Congratulations, kids, on throwing us this curveball. Everyone told us that you were breaking up! That's what we get for listening to the tongue-clicking hipster naysayers at Spaceland.

A writer for the NY Post penetrates the defenses of the Kabbalah Centre mothership on the edge of Beverly Hills and enrolls in two courses to see what all the red string, immortality-graning fuss is about. And, amazingly, after her short course of study and $445 in fees, she still finds herself unable to see into the future, cure her friends' cancer, and develops no appreciable psychic abilities. The experience wasn't a total disaster; she does see Britney Spears' brother and learns the power of giving until it hurts.

Who says that failing TV studios don't have a sense of humor? After Ronald Schwary, a producer for a Paramount Network TV series, bought off some residents whose noisy tree trimming was interfering with his nearby location shoot for $1,000, he sent them 20 bags containing 100,000 pennies. Oh, what a cut-up! The insulted residents then missed a golden opportunity to convert those pennies into several cases of Massengill Spring Fresh disposable douches and send them to Schwary and Paramount to continue the hilarity, but they did eventually get the studio to pony up a more traditional check and an extra grand for charity as restitution. We guess this qualifies as a happy ending. Obviously, Viacom's dapper co-dictator Les Moonves had no hand in the events, as the 20 bags of pennies weren't dropped through the residents' roof from a helicopter, nor was their pet cocker spaniel set on fire to send a message to future residential negotiators.

Soothe your Monday morning hangover with our old-fashioned home remedy: the weekend box office numbers and some hearty vomiting.

So, we were so totally psyched for Ashlee Simpson's appearance on Saturday Night Live last night that we, like, haven't slept for three days. But then she finally came on stage to do her song and we could hear her singing before she even put the microphone up to her mouth! Then the singing went away. Ashlee looked soooo confused, then she broke into some kind of weird Riverdance jig, laughed the way people laugh when they find out that one of their parents just died—you know, like "Nice joke!," before it really hits them—and then wandered off stage.

Friday
1. Is it basketball season yet? Former Lakers Coach Phil Jackson signs The Last Season at Vroman’s
Bookstore in Pasadena, and we're sure he'll be anxious to answer all of your Kobe-related questions. If books aren't your thing, Magic Johnson hosts the official Lakers Vs. Clippers afterparty at The Highlands.
2. In the worst-guarded secret since Elvis Costello's Amoeba appearance earlier this week, Jimmy Eat World is playing at the weekly Bloc Party at 1650 Schrader.
Saturday
3. See how many egos can fit into one room at Vanity Fair “In Concert” at the Wiltern with Camp Freddy. The all-star band featuring Dave Navarro, Billy Morrison, Matt Sorum and Donovan Leitch perform with guests Macy Gray and Stephen Jenkins.
4. Doesn't it seems like there is one of these events every day? The 9th Annual Angelus Awards Student Film Festival take place at the Directors Guild of America.
5. Sasha at Avalon spins mad beats that make you sweat till you bleed. Or something like that.
Sunday
6. The Gay & Lesbian Sports Alliance of Greater L.A. hawks used porn for the greater good. Donations still needed! [sixth item]

L.A. Innuendo editor/amateur stuntman Richard Rushfield indulges his taste for Mountain Dew-style extreme risks and courts grievous bodily injury for Slate, donning the t-shirts of both political campaigns and plunging headlong into the city's most partisan neighborhoods. Amazingly, he survives the ordeal in this charged climate without so much as a bite mark or kicked shin, though he is called an "asshole" by a Silverlake hipster. He does, however, manage to spook a toddler with the spectre of Dick Cheney:

Protesters from the group CollegeGOP.org are currently gathered in front of MTV's Santa Monica's offices to protest a Rock the Vote commercial* that they think is slanted against the Bush/Cheney campaign. The problem (or at least one of the problems, depending on your politics) is that Rock the Vote isn't owned by MTV. Readers have sent in this cameraphone pic of the protesters and an MTV internal e-mail about the confused picketers, which is after the jump.

We're pausing for a moment to thank this week's sponsor, without whom we'd probably be minding a studio head's stepchildren in exchange for staying in a cramped pool-house. If you'd like to get your hands on the influential consumers that only Defamer can deliver, see this page.

Since we posted about Brandon "Unknown Superman" Routh's Friendster profile yesterday, several of you noticed this seemingly prophetic testimonial from one of Routh's buddies. We thought we saw one that mentioned Routh's prescient habit of wearing underwear on the outside of his spandex bodysuit and going to Ralphs in a cape, but that was probably just a trick of memory.

We're feeling bold, and are hereby guaranteeing these projections to have at least 98% accuracy. We also reserve the right to come back and edit them once the weekend estimates arrive on Sunday afternoon to back up that boast.

Celebrity Justice reports in a press release that the Bill O'Reilly sexual harassment lawsuit is hurtling toward a settlement, which might happen as early as...what time is it now? Soon, anyway. And since such agreements are usually accompanied by a gag order, we may never get to find out exactly what blew O'Reilly's mind in that Thai sex show, or hear him hold forth on exactly how a falafel might enhance all of our sex lives. 'Tis a shame.

· Sex and the City creator Darren Star will make his feature directing debut (I think that's what they're saying) with the romantic comedy 100 Weddings, in which a war reporter has to cover wedding before...sorry, we already can't bring ourselves to care. [THR]
· The MPAA estimates that piracy could cost the business $15 billion over the next four years. Assuming, naturally, that people would actually want to pay for the shit Hollywood product they're stealing if it weren't free. [THR]

As sadly reported by E! Online, the wonderful, unhinged Nick Nolte Diary is a fake. A couple of screenwriters were behind the blog, which now is littered with disclaimers about its parodical intentions, changes no doubt fueled by a friendly note from Nolte's lawyers. The pranksters explain:

An O.C. resident who was the lucky recipient of MTV's Pimp My Ride shitcan restoration largesse is now turning out the rebuilt car on eBay. She's looking for a starting bid of $18,000 to get the ball rolling, but so far has no takers (with only 4 hours left!). Oh, the ingratitude. We hope that the profit motive doesn't overtake some of MTV's other on-screen charity cases; we shudder to think what might wind up for auction should that tranny from I Want a Famous Face (who wanted to look like J. Lo) need to make a quick buck.

The second day of the Hollywood Trial of the Century raged on in bucolic/sleepy/corporation-friendly Georgetown, DE, trading in some of the procedural dreariness of the initial day for some good, old-fashioned mud-slinging. Court documents revealed that CEO Michael Eisner canned ill-chosen No. 2 guy Michael Ovitz because he was a big, fat liar—which should have been enough to get out of paying him the $109 million golden parachute that brought the suing shareholder's blood to a boil.

Everyone knows that legendary womanizer Jack Nicholson has slept with more women than can be counted on the clasped fingers of every Hands Across America participant, but now the litany of his conquests has been catalogued in the new biography, Jack: The Great Seducer. Sure, the book names names (Gia Carangi, Christina Onassis, Lara Flynn Boyle, Mamie Eisenhower, a particularly seductive keyhole in his Hills manse), but it's real draw are the revelations about the secrets of Nicholson's cocksmitherymanship, like this one naming the fuel for his love machine :

1. Ben Folds plays the El Rey. You can pretend you don’t like Ben Folds since he's shed the "Five," but you'd just be in denial. He just put out an entire record with William Shatner. All solo artist sins are forgiven.
2. Join Larry Flynt at Borders in Westwood for a "thought-provoking" evening discussing his new book, Sex, Lies, and Politics. Come for the presidential election talk, stay for the tales of golden showers!
3. Director James Wan and writer Leigh Whannell do the ArcLight screening-and-Q&A thing for their brilliantly promoted horror flick, Saw. With any luck, the question session will devolve into prank phone calls to Lloyd Grove.

As yet another session of our blind item guessing game draws to a close, we'd like to say that we're impressed that so many of you took a stab despite Ted's stinginess with this week's set of clues. The blind item guessing juggernaut that you've created cannot be stopped! Here's a brief reminder about One Ballsy Blind Vice, then on to your responses: