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Soothe your Monday morning hangover with our old-fashioned home remedy: the weekend box office numbers and some hearty vomiting.

1. The Grudge — $40 million
We woke up today and quickly realized that something was slightly off-kilter. Was the coffee more acidic, the morning bladder-voiding lacking its usual vigor? When we saw the box office results, we figured it out: Sarah Michelle Gellar is starring in the country's number one movie, which smashed all reasonable expectations for a horror movie starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. We're still a little unnerved that SMG now appears to be the next Neve Campbell, or that this result will surely spawn subsequent Gellar genre pictures, but at least our bladder is OK.

2. Shark Tale — $14.3 million
DreamWorks Animation wedding cake groom Jeffrey Katzenberg is rutted in the "denial" stage of the grieving process as Shark Tale is finally knocked from its box office perch. To help deal with the letdown, he's ordered his staff to fill his office with festive bunting and helium balloons declaring his movie "Still Number One!!!" To minimize the coming "anger" stage, he'll huff helium from the balloons as they drift to the floor, thus passing painlessly into the "bargaining" phase.

3. Shall We Dance? — $8.6 million
If Miramax's goal was to annoy moviegoers, why didn't they go all the way and release a 90-minute film of Richard Gere talking about how totally awesome the Dalai Lama is as Jennifer Lopez nods solemnly in agreement? The Weinsteins are really off their game since firing everybody that worked for them.

4. Friday Night Lights —$7 million
Billy Bob just won't quit. We think that's probably a tattoo that Angelina Jolie is still trying to have lasered off, but the sentiment certainly hold true in this instance.

5. Team America: World Police — $6.6 million
Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn't suffer for months painstakingly animating the perfect puppet doggystyling scene for this kind of audience apathy.

Gratuitous Shot At A Box Office Also-Ran:
 7. Surviving Christmas — $4.5 million
We'd love to derisively call it Gigli II, but that label's already been applied to Jersey Girl and Paycheck. Was nothing learned from the disappointing Affleck/Yuletide alchemy of Reindeer Games?