The following may or may not happen over the coming holiday weekend.:

An operative updates us with some info about Cameron Diaz's rumored reality show:

A reader was so taken aback by something he thought he saw in Owen Wilson's Speedo in this hot tub scene from The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou that he tracked down an Academy screener to get a screen-grab. (If you can't see what we're talking about, look under his right elbow.) Are Wilson and director Wes Anderson trying to stir up a new Loch Ness monster legend with a Boogie Nights-style prosthetic? Real or not, Wilson's going to have no problems finding a date for the Oscars, whether or not he winds up disappointing her at the end of the night.

Word on the street is that VH1 will announce today that they've snagged Cameron Diaz for a reality series. Yes, the same Cameron Diaz that was the second-highest paid actress last year, the one that gets $20 million a movie to karate-chop shit, do ogre-voiceovers, or pretend to be the chick that's hot, but still just one of the guys. Still no details on what the show's actually going to be about, but we'd be entertained if cameras follow her around as she confronts women in various Hollywood clubs and asks them if they've ever fucked Justin Timberlake. We're not going to get our hopes up, though. We've been hurt before.

· The WGA recognizes the Oscar favorites, but throws in a couple of curveballs by nominating Zach Braff for Garden State and Tina Fey for Mean Girls. Never doubt the appeal of Lindsay Lohan's breasts to a bunch of people who sit in front of their computers all day. [Variety]
· Anthony Minghella will direct Breaking and Entering for Miramax, "a contemporary story about theft, both emotional and criminal." We'll let him get a little artsy if he promises to throw in a scene where the thing they want to steal is surrounded by laser beams. [THR]
· Les Moonves' remarriage can't stop him from extending his evil partnership with Jerry Bruckheimer, as CBS greenlights the Bruck's American Crime pilot. If it ever gets to air, expect a "CSI" to be appended to the front.
[THR]
· Kiefer Sutherland continues to carve out a nice little career playing government agents, signing on to play a Secret Service guy in The Sentinel, with Michael Douglas. [Variety]
· Edward Norton attempts to make the heat on his career reappear by playing a magician in The Illusionist. [Variety]

The LAT reports that the Weinstein brothers are close to finalizing their divorce with Disney, but exactly how close they are predictably depends on which side you listen to. The Miramaxies say it's all over except for the lawyer papers, but Michael Eisner's minions sound like they're not quite ready for the break-up sex:

With so much rumor and innuendo swirling around in the wake of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's celebrity-marriage-paradigm-shifting break-up, there's only one place we can turn for reliable information: Jennifer Aniston's MySpace blog. While the couple has refrained from talking to the media, virtual Jen (449 friends in her network, a celebrity even in cyberspace) is candid about the dissolution of their relationship and their plans for the future:

Remember when the Queer Eyes ran roughshod over popular culture, kicking down straight schlubs' doors and leaving a trail of hair product, wicker furniture, and gourmet appetizers in their wake? Looking at the State of Gays on TV, the only cultural barometer that matters, it's official: the gays are ice cold.

· In about three weeks, the home video rights for Alexander will probably sell for less than its soundtrack promo at Amoeba.
· Behold, another strange intersection of Jeffrey Katzenberg and the porn industry.
· We're almost ready to officially recognize the Curse of the Entertainment Weekly Must List
· If you haven't seen this by now, you haven't been properly utilizing the power of the interweb.
· It's a cliché to use this formulation, and we've never been afraid of beating a dead horse, so here goes: Slate's Movie Club is for pussies. Bloggers do it better at The Conversation
· Should we be offended that Brad will only talk about his life with the Japanese?
· Based on this one segment alone, it seems that there's no way that the new season of Ali G will be less than amazing.

Defamer, now a robust eight months old, commandeered the lounge at the Friars Club in Beverly Hills for its first party last night.

Your guesses are in! Take a refresher course on One Slurping Blind Vice:

Fox is ready to roll out another new series tomorrow night, and we all know what that means: the inevitable cross-promotional theme menu at the on-lot Fox News Cafe. This time around, the network's crack marketing team had to tie the Cafe's offerings to Jonny Zero (tagline: "Now the city's toughest ex-con is helping those who can't help themselves"), a show that's likely to have the shelf-life of their Zero Guilt Salad. Some of the names smack of laziness. We assume a Personal "Jonny Calvo"ne is a calzone, but what does Fresh Outta Prison have to do with pizza? It's enough to make you put down your I Had To Befriend The Mobbed-Up Italians So That The Aryan Brotherhood Wouldn't Rape Me In The Shower Panini and send the PA out to fetch some Chinese food.

· News Corp., in good financial shape, looks to start buying everything in sight just for shits and giggles. [THR]
· If 74-year-olds keep scoring seven-figure deals like the one Alvin Sargent just signed to write Spider-man 3, older, out-of-work writers are going to have a hell of a time suing studios for age discrimination. [Variety*]
· Afraid of the possibility that the God of the Old Testament might smite them for their sin, ABC will produce their Ten Commandments miniseries without a singing Val Kilmer. [THR]
· Hollywood Out Of Ideas, We Were Just Ahead Of Our Time Edition: Disney signs up writers Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal for a Tron remake. [Variety*]
· Sean William Scott joins Billy Bob Thornton in the cast of the New Line comedy Mr. Woodcock. Enjoy the movie's title before it gets changed to something more palatable to red state theatregoers. [THR]

Thanks to the generosity of an anonymous reader, we're proud to present this photo essay of Lindsay Lohan's night out in New Orleans. Unfortunately, our shutterbug didn't catch her in the act of underage drinking (maybe all of the cameraphones scared some sense into her), but these pictures are so vivid that we can almost taste the Coors Lights and Hurricanes.

Wherein we invite our readers to pick through the wreckage wrought by the prose tsunami proffered by humpy E! gossip-force-of-nature Ted Casablanca and submit their guesses about the identity of his weekly blind item. As much as it pains us to say it, we fear that Ted may be losing his touch—two of the pseudonyms in the item (luckily, not the ones of the real subjects) are laughably obvious. Still, we must soldier on! Bob up and down on One Slurping Blind Vice:

For the low, low price of $1,200, a limo ride, and the cost of the drugs required to make you think you're going to the Oscars, you too can attend the SAG Awards:

While Lindsay Lohan is partying in New Orleans during downtime from shooting Just My Luck, her publicist captions this photo for us: "She was just there with some castmates checking out the local scene. There was no 'partying.' She had one cranberry and soda."

Fox 411's Roger Friedman reports that hack director/Robert Evans footstool Brett Ratner has been subpoenaed to testify in the Michael Jackson molestation trial.

The punishing combination of unforgiving deadlines and crippling grief over the separation of Hollywood's Favorite Couple has obviously driven the entire Star editing staff to suicide, leaving the operation defenseless against a takeover by careless, zombie proofreaders.

· "Stimulating and iconoclastic" cinema egghead David Thompson will speak about his new book The Whole Equation: A History of Hollywood with Steve Wasserman, editor of the Los Angeles Times Book Review at the LA Public Library on 5th Street.
· Two book events? Has our notoriously reading-averse municipality gone crazy? Paul Jasmin signs Lost Angeles at Book Soup.
· You'd think we're on the Kaiser Chiefs' payroll, but now we love them because a reader told us that they're named after a South African football (the soccer kind) squad. They're playing at Spaceland (and sponsored by KROQ, who are doing their darnedest to put the final nail in indie rocks' coffin.)